http://www.care2.com/greenliving/are-you-in-toxic-relationships.html
Are You In Toxic Relationships?
Understand the three kinds of relationships you have in your life. People who leave you alone are dealing with your suffering as a nuisance or inconvenience; they prefer to keep their distance in order to feel better themselves. Those who help you have the strength and awareness to do more with your suffering than you are able to do by yourself. Those who hurt you want the situation to stay the same because they do not have your well-being at heart.
Honestly count how many people are in each category you have in your life. This isn’t the same as counting friends and loving family members. Assess others solely as they relate to your difficulties.
Having made a realistic count, take the following attitude:
1. I will no longer bring my problems to anyone who wants to leave me alone. It’s not good for them or me. They don’t want to help, so I will not ask them to.
2. I will share my problems with those who want to help me. I will not reject genuine offers of assistance out of pride, insecurity, or doubt. I will ask people to join me in my healing and make them a bigger part of my life.
3. I will put a distance between myself and those who want to hurt me. I do not have to confront them, guilt-trip them, or make them the cause of my self-pity. But I cannot afford to absorb their toxic effect on me, and if that means keeping my distance, I will.
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15 comments
add your comment »Asking for help is a sign of strength.It postulates trust in those you seek from.More than asking giving is important and this means you should be stronger to be able to help.
It is not important if people are indifferent,malicious,overly nice and so forth.What matters is you and your perception of others. If you are suspicious of others feelings towards you and always expect others around you to think,act and react the way you feel is right then the problem starts.So understand that the others exist and exert influence over your thoughts if you don't exist sans your overblown ego.
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I get the most help from friends, colleagues, and family members who know the right questions to ask. Then, I figure out for myself how to move forward from troubling situations.
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There is nothing special loving your pets & vice versa.The nature has tuned them to be that way.The real test comes from this world of duality where one has surpass all this grief & move to the highest.Don't you think the pets or nature teaches us solid values/knowledge for us to evolve ourselves to the HIGHER BEING.
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I love this post...thank you for writing this! :D
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But what if the person who has helped you the most recently, turns into the person that hurts you, also? That is really hard to deal with, a family member. I agree with you Jillian and Christoph, sometimes our animals are the only ones you can trust and give us their unconditional love and I give them my unconditional love, like my children, who of course, have my unconditional love always.
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But what if the person who has helped you the most recently, turns into the person that hurts you, also? That is really hard to deal with, a family member. I agree with you Jillian and Christoph, sometimes our animals are the only ones you can trust and give us their unconditional love and I give them my unconditional love, like my children, who of course, have my unconditional love always.
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I'm in agreement with Christopher Wuth; the only being who gives me any comfort and who accepts me as I am is my dog. I have stopped asking for any help from my family because they just don't want to know. This has made me very hard but at least I don't suffer any more.
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As George Eliot so wisely wrote: "Animals are such agreeable friends--they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." I feel you may trust your dog any time, but beware of your neighbor!
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I have a difficult time asking anybody for help. Past experiences proved to be very painful with the very few times I did accept any help. I've learned to think things through as best I can and not make life-altering decisions based out of fear or intimidation. I've always helped a lot of people but there were no strings attached or hidden agenda. I also find talking things through with only the most trusted of friends is OK, but in general, I find most people cannot deal with problems outside of their own sphere of life.
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Hi Melody.
Accepting help with attachments is dangerous. Clearly, there's judgment going on here so you must be very clear with yourself about what the true motivations for 'help' from your family is. Are they trying to draw you into their dream? Or is the offer of help a genuine 'no strings' act of love and generosity. If it's the latter, partake, if not, opt out!!
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