Ask the Loveologist: Exploring New Positions
Q: I have a new relationship with the first guy that I really care about in a long time. We are having pretty good sex, but I wanted to try some other positions, and don’t really know what to do. Can you give me any ideas that could make our sex as great as the rest of the relationship?
A: Congratulations on finding a relationship that feels like home. It is a rare and beautiful thing to explore your sexuality in a safe and open space. Transform your gratitude and joy into curiosity and be prepared to explore the wide diversity that is human sexuality. The best advice about any position is to focus on how your body feels and really experience that feeling. Self consciousness is the number one killer in any sex life, so don’t think about how you look to him, feel him instead. Experiment with how you feel when you move from side to side or forward and back. Take your time and you will find what feels best for both of you. The more you can communicate, the easier it will be to find new ways to please each other.
There are countless books on the topic of sexuality and positions, so be clear whether you are looking for ideas or full color photos. A couple unassuming small books that you won’t need to hide when friends come over are by Paul Scott. Super Sex Positions explains a wide variety of options with out offending anyone and uses cute hand drawn images. A companion book that is reversible, Sex Tips for Her and Sex Tips for Him, just have many great ideas to open your sex life up and surprise you.
If you want photos, the choices are endless. I like the Kama Sutra 365 because it gives both partners tips on how to make the best out of each of the 365 positions that it illustrates in full color. Have fun!
Wendy Strgar is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. She helps couples tackle the questions and concerns of intimacy and relationships, providing honest answers and innovative advice. Wendy lives in Eugene, Oregon with her husband, a psychiatrist, and their four children ages 11-20.
By Wendy Strgar