I have been out of my relationship almost as long as I was in it but I can’t seem to go on. I have dated a little, but am so afraid of being hurt again that I find some excuse to break it off before anything can happen–good or bad. I feel like I am just going through the motions in my life. Why can’t I just accept my husband leaving me and move on? Any ideas about how to re-start my life?
Thank you for sharing this very personal and challenging question that I believe is experienced by millions in one form or another. Perhaps the most normal and least helpful response that we humans have to our emotional pain and fear is the habit of looking away or trying to suppress our feelings. Most of us are not trained or adept at dealing with the fear, rejection and pain that life and relationships often present. Emotional injuries from childhood that were never processed become silent filters that impact how we perceive and understand our entire lives.
Our feelings can seem so large and overwhelming that they threaten to consume us whole. They grow into demons as we ignore and refuse our emotional experiences that are the life blood of our identity. The demons that run our lives come in an infinite number of manifestations–they are as unique as we are in personality, yet universal in the needs we all share. The problem you mentioned of broken-heartedness can include every thing from conflicts with people we love, to anxiety about communicating, discomfort with our appearance, the terror of being abandoned, or the shame of feeling worthless. We demonize our emotional experiences by our inability to attend to them. Anything that calls for our attention and is continuously rebuffed will become an active demon inside of you.