I never thought I would be the recipient of a letter that informed my that my partner was cheating on me. I had heard that story before and have to say that I don’t know which way to turn, what to believe, how to trust what he says… I feel like I am starting from square one again and although our relationship works so well in so many ways I am not sure how to think about this act of infidelity and afraid that it will make trusting him again impossible. Any help?
Discovering infidelity no matter how it happens to you is one of the most emotionally jarring experiences many people face. It brings up a huge number of questions about oneself and relationship, in a myriad of ways–especially feelings of attractiveness, adequacy, and worth. In addition to questioning your ability to trust someone else, it also can make you doubtful about trusting yourself and your own judgment. Infidelity is the one breach of trust that strikes a chord so deeply in most people who experience it, that many look back on it as the beginning of a new chapter in their lives.
Whether it is true as it has recently been suggested that male sexual drives predispose them to “a need for sexual diversity,” the incidence of infidelity in the US is so common that more people are affected than not. The percentage of people impacted by infidelity is between 30-60 percent of all married couples, depending on the study cited. The work of David Barash in the Myth of Monogamy is a great primer in understanding why infidelity is more the norm than the exception. ‘We are not naturally monogamous.
Anthropologists report that the overwhelming majority of human societies either are polygamous or were polygamous prior to the cultural homogenization of recent decades.’ In a recent study of committed partners, fully 95 percent of men and 80 percent of women fantasized about sex with other partners.