Your feelings aren't something you can sweep under the rug, especially right now, when you have so many conflicting emotions going on. But you do have the responsibility to find a way of conveying them to the right people in the right way. Whining to your coworker about your workload isn't going to accomplish anything. Get a plan together and talk to the big boss. Show them that you aren't waiting for other people to make the changes you want in life.