Back-to-School Anxiety: A Parent’s Guide

Back-to-School anxiety hits students of all ages. But you and your children don’t have to suffer in silence.

Dr. Victor Schwartz, associate professor of psychiatry at the NYU School of Medicine and Medical Director of The Jed Foundation, walks us through the roots of school anxiety, and what we can do to help students handle their fears.

Preschool

Root of Anxiety: Until preschool, life has centered on home, parents or familiar caretakers. Then, bam! Young children have to negotiate interactions with strange teachers and other kids.

How to Help: First, stay calm because your anxiety is contagious. And prepare your child by arranging play dates away from home and even overnight stays with trusted friends and family. Let them know they’ll be OK, but in a matter-of-fact way that makes them think you really believe it.

Kindergarten – 3rd Grade


Root of Anxiety:
Can I live up to teachers’ expectations? Learn my multiplication tables? Handle homework?

How to Help:
Here’s where you begin to teach your children the good study habits that will lead to school success. Don’t do homework for them, but help them discover how to get from point A to B; how to recover from mistakes; how to be persistent. Playing board and card games are good ways to teach these lessons indirectly.


4th – 6th Grade

Root of Anxiety: Schoolwork now centers around long-term projects, and school social life forms into cliques – two scary propositions for many children.

How to Help:
Before school starts, plan activities that stress persistence, organization and deferred gratification. Making model planes, ships and trains teach organization and tenacity. Studying an instrument teaches how to navigate short-term frustration for long-term gains. Even video games – yes, video games — help kids persist until they get to the next level.

Middle School


Root of Anxiety:
It’s a wonder anyone makes it through these wonder years when romantic and sexual feelings begin to blossom, social competitiveness reaches fever pitch, and even thoughts about college and future success emerge.

How to Help:
Be sensitive to the turmoil, and help kids find a range of pleasurable activities outside school that enable them to find success and forge friendships – sports teams, community center groups; theater clubs. Share stories about your middle school struggles, but don’t give a happy, pat ending (which probably isn’t true). Kids see through that and turn off to future fables.

High School

Root of Anxiety: High school students are battered at both ends – raging hormones that feed charged emotional and sexual situations, and real concerns about their futures – college, jobs, marriage. They’re bombarded by advertising that tells them they’re not good enough (that’s how you sell products), and by adults that pressure them to succeed. This is the age where depression, anxiety, food and obsessive disorders emerge.

How to Help: Try to find time – family dinners, vacations, driving in the car – to share your definition of success: hopefully, it’s not which designer bag you carry or elite college you attended. And recognize that your emotional state is catching, and try not to worry about the same things that are plaguing your kid.


College


Root of Anxiety:
Separation anxiety emerges again as your freshman prepares for life away from home, maybe for the first time. New college students worry about fitting into a whole, new social world and failing academically. If they’re paying for their own education, financial worries may also keep them up at night.

How to Help: Make sure they leave for college knowing how to do their own laundry, handle a debit card, and whom to ask for help when they need it. Talk to them about the life/work balance, which they’ll have to navigate throughout their lives. And discuss practical things like food choices, sleep routines, and how drugs and alcohol never solve problems.


When It’s Time to Get Professional Help

Most back-to-school anxiety is normal and manageable. But sometimes fears – yours and your kids’ – take over.

Here’s when to seek professional help.

  • Anxiety is more intense than usual.
  • Anxiety doesn’t get better over time.
  • Anxiety interferes with eating and sleeping.
  • Activities that usually reduce stress, don’t work.

Related:
Vegan School Lunch Ideas
Back-to-School Shopping to Save Money and Reduce Waste
5 Holistic Remedies for Back-to School Sniffles

58 comments

Margaret Morgan
Margaret Morgan10 hours ago

wonderful how comparable activities were suggested to enable the child to develop skills necessary to excel in their current responsibilities!

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Carl R
Carl R13 hours ago

Thanks!!!

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Angela K
Angela K16 hours ago

noted

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Anne M
Anne Myesterday

As a kid,, I couldn't wait for school to start again.. - I found the summers soooo long... - But high school was a different story,, I just hated it.. - Never went to the prom,, left home in my 10th grade at 16, and got a full time job, working nights as a long distance operator, stayed in school,, didn't hang around with anybody there, as they ostracized me for no reason.. - I worked hard, and graduated, then left that two-bit town and moved to the big city.. - And the rest is history.. - Later for those bullies, they're probably still there, and will probably die there.. - How boring...

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Janet B
Janet Byesterday

Thanks

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Sonia Minwer Barakat Requ
Sonia Myesterday

Good post thanks for sharing

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David C
David Cyesterday

noted, thanks

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iloshechka A
iloshechka Ayesterday

thanks

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Sherry Kohn
Sherry Kohnyesterday

Many thanks to you !

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Danuta W
Danuta Watola1 days ago

thank you for sharing

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