Philip, Does your book say these same words to MEN? It is about time that YOU and YOUR FRIENDS realize that there are MEN that also reject their wives and refuse to have sex. I have been married 5 years and not had sex for 4. Seems my husband decided not to share the information that he really did not like sex. He used it as a weapon to control me in the begining. And no, before we were married, he was not like that. He said and did all the right things. It took me a year to realize that it did not matter how much I changed or what I did, by his demand, he would just find something else.
May I suggest to you, that if you expect your wive to 'put out', then you need to be what she expects. From my own experiece, I only stopped wanting sex, when the man stopped making me feel like the most special person in his life. Maybe you miss the real meaning of the word 'intimacy' . Judging from your comment, you have it confused with sex. They are far from one in the same. Of course you showed us all that when you stated, "Your man doesn't need you as a friend, he has those".

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Thank's for this suggistion

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thanks...
Kabin
Konteyner

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Thanks for advices.......

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It is really misleading if one would think any form of Christianity tolerates abuse or infidelity. No one forces anyone to stay, other then fear. Fear and stress is our biggest culprit, cant live with them and cant live without. Your shoulders hurt because your so stressed, then maybe your stomach. You can not take away your feelings that you were raised with, but you can learn how to manage or deal with them. Even if it means you have to get out. When problems come up you build resentment or maybe you have a score card, or only your aloud to do it and he/she cant. Maybe you have those invisible expectations that your not aware of. Like you expect her to do the dishes and oops, she is not aware of what you expect, you forgot to tell her. No one is a mind reader. Maybe one of us gets mad at you because you didn't do something that you could have done yourself. Trying to carry someone elses work load gets a little heavy and the only place to go is down.
Is anyone really easy to please if they ask all that. I would almost say I would rather be on some form of sport team or work team because at least every one knows what to expect ( for the most part ), knows where they stand, they do what is needed to make your team work by doing there part, of course they can not get away with handing over there position, like so many do at home. If you make a mistake you have a team of people to support you so your not left alone to deal with it. Team work is always a good thing.

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PoetDancer-- We would be supposed to tolerate worse, as bad as it can get, if we strictly follow vows built from the Christian foundation. Not saying it is wrong just misguided as love with vows of a marital state of being- is not always beautiful. It should not have to force individuals to tolerate infidelity, any physical or mental abuse and certainly not be expected to live with it cause you married it !

Bearing with it might be gallant but in the long run your health has suffered and your self-worth has been reduced to little if not nothing and how much harder is that to spring up from then leaving before it gets so bad ?

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To avoid all this metabolic syndrome. women are very emotional and they need love and care and concern, which many men does not understand, we need to be more understanding and let our ego to to end this bad marriage. Way is to adjust and realise facts of marriage and go on without stress , for the chidlren sake or divorce and look for challenges in life. but the same continous unless we put an end to the bad marriage.

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I believed in "Till Death Do Us Part", 6 weeks later, I learned something about my husband that put me into a state of shock, disbelief, & I nearly had a heartattack. Instead I had a nervous breakdown. I've not been the same since. I lost my first child, and life didn't seem worthwhile anymore. Of course 23 years later, I've finally gotten over it. I learned a hard lesson & know that never again will I wrap myself into another person. I wasn't independent enough, wasn't totally secure in myself, which most likely added to my stress & depression. I suffered so much over the years & my health became so poor, that it took a lot of counseling & prayer to finally get me through it. I pray for everyone else that is suffering in some way. If you both think you can work it out, then try, but if one has another idea, don't waste so many years & ruin your health.

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I think it's one thing to just stick with it, which usually includes mounting resentment and internalized anger and does indeed feed a host of health problems (physical, emotional, and mental)... but it's entirely another to remember that marriage is a oneness: like yin and yang, you can't change one part without it creating a change in the other. I have found in my own marriage that when I concentrate on being my best self, ask myself "a year from now will it REALLY matter" to keep things in perspective, and be sure that I'm focusing not on what he's doing wrong so much as on how I can be sure that I'm doing all that I can to do right by him, and make sure that when I have to draw a line and hold it that I do so logically and respectfully without malice or vengeance or rage, that change in me creates a change in him. He responds differently. And when he notices that change in me, I tell him about the source of my changes. There is tremendous power in prayer. I'm only responsible for myself and my choices, but I am fully responsible for myself and all of my choices, including fulfilling my marriage vows. Learning to strive for progress (not perfection) in myself and letting go of whatever happened "yesterday" is helpful, because it creates a positive direction without anchors and baggage to hold me back from being a better me...and as I grow, our marriage grows. Sometimes he lags behind a couple of years of my development, but lately he has blazed ahead of me...and that is so

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this is a very interestng post! thanks Melissa for sharing.

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