Be Honest About Your Dreams

An hour ago, a limo picked me up at LAX and my driver criss-crossed her way through the back streets of LA to avoid the stopped traffic on the 405. I was closing my eyes, listening to guided imagery on my Ipod, and when I opened my eyes, there it was, the infamous Hollywood sign, crooked white letters against a green hillside towering over the City of Angels. When I saw it, my heart skipped a beat because, unlike every other time I’ve been in Los Angeles, this time I’m here to do a screen test to be on a TV show.

The inner showgirl

I was never one of those wanna-be actresses (God love ‘em!) I pretty much hate being the center of attention. I had six people at my wedding when I married Matt. Even as a bride, I didn’t want a roomful of people turning around to stare when I walked down the aisle, so we kept the wedding very small.

You might not know it given the high profile careers I’ve chosen, but part of me is most comfortable at home in my PJs, lounging over a cup of herbal tea with my BFFs. But I do admit — or at least I’m finally admitting it to myself — I have an inner showgirl. I call her Victoria Rochester. And right now, Victoria is in her element.

Now, Iím sitting here at the cafť at Paramount Pictures studios, eating sushi for breakfast and waiting to audition for a spot on The Doctors. The studio is bustling and noisy, with trucks and cranes and construction everywhere. The cars in the lot are expensive, the people are beautiful, and I canít help wondering whether Iím sitting three feet from somebody very famous. Iím not the only one. Everyone here is checking everyone else out, and I wonder how I measure up.

So here I am, armed with my vulva puppet, my prettiest pink lip gloss, and all the courage I can muster. Part of me is terrified. Part of me feels like I don’t belong here. But a little small voice from within is yelling, “YES! YOU BELONG HERE! LET YOURSELF ENJOY THIS MOMENT!” And so I am.

Embracing the dream

Iím wearing a very pretty dress that a friend gave me, and I woke up at 4am so I could roll my hair in curlers and still make it to my 6am flight in order to arrive at my appointment in LA in time. So Iím feeling pretty fine, in spite of the sleep deprivation and the nerves that have sent me to the bathroom 6 times already this morning. (Yes, my anxiety bone is connected to my stomach bone.)

I always say I hate LA. It’s so superficial. It’s smoggy. There’s traffic. It’s pretentious. There are too many people. You know the reasons. But right here, right now, I’m beyond delighted to be in LA. I’m eating this up. I’m feeling on top of the world. I’m accessing my inner rockstar. And I’m owning the fact that part of me would love to do this — the whole Beverly Hills life — the shopping on Melrose Ave and Rodeo Drive, the beach house in Malibu, the TV shows and movie premiers and sushi for breakfast. My inner critic chides me for this. She says it’s silly, vapid, and meaningless. And yet Victoria Rochester feels like she was born for this life. She dreams of having a TV show of her own one day. And so — just for this moment, as I’m sitting here writing on the studio lot, I realize that I am one step closer to that dream — and I’m embracing that.

How many times do we talk ourselves out of living our dreams because we think our dreams are silly? Do we chop our dreams into pieces because we’re afraid of what others will think? Why are we afraid to truly be authentic and OWN what it means to be who we are? How can it be wrong to be honest with ourselves about who we are?

And so I am about to close my computer, fluff my hair, don my love bubble, and walk into the Mae West Building, where I will meet Kathy, the TV producer who is interviewing me today. I will not worry whether she will like me or whether I will be a good fit for The Doctors. I will just be ALL ME, ALL THE TIME and let the chips fall where they may. It won’t serve anyone for me to pretend to be someone Iím not just to fit in here. I don’t fit well into a doctor box, and if that doesn’t work for them, thatís just fine. But who knows? Maybe, just maybe, theyíre open to bringing on someone who sheds the white coats, tells the truth, and practices love, with a little bit of medicine on the side.

Does my kind of medicine fit on a Hollywood studio lot? I don’t know. But it fits ME, and when all is said and done, that’s what matters, isn’t it?

 So here I go, off to break a leg — and be myself.

What about you? Can you be honest about what you dream about? Can you ditch your inner critic and tell yourself the truth?

Related:
Being the Captain Of Your Life
Embracing Our Girlytude
Owning My Inner Nerd

32 comments

Harshiita Sharma
Harshita Sharma4 years ago

Follow your heart!!

Bobbiejane Crowe
Bobbiejane Crowe5 years ago

Be who you want to be :)

Janet C.
Janet C.5 years ago

Today I was honest with myself about my life long dream. I have always told myself it was completely unrealistic and just one of those pipe dreams- we can think it, but of course it'll never come true. I had "other" dreams that I placed in front of it, always. Today I was driving through the country and thinking how I missed it out there when all of a sudden I cracked like a torture victim finally giving up the truth, the whole truth and nothing but. I sobbed and screamed in the car that I wanted a farm. A simple farm to grow food to feed my family and community, help shelter animals, nourish my soul. I screamed to the universe that I couldn't hold it back anymore, a farm is all I've ever truly wanted since I was a kid. It's been the only constant dream in the 41 years of my life. Something I could always daydream about. I will hold the picture of "my" farm in my head. Until it comes true. Then I will live my dream. Inner and outer critics- I don't hear you anymore!!!

Michele J.
Michele j.5 years ago

LOOOVEd your article-it helps to hear that others wrestle with this inner critic, that it keeps us from expressing ourselves and reaching for what we want. And to damn the inner critic, let the chips fall where they may!

Annemarie W.
Annemarie L.5 years ago

Go for it girl.

Kay L.
KayL NOFORWARDS5 years ago

This article just left me scratching my head in confusion....

Sylvia J.
Sylvia Jones5 years ago

Dear Lisa,
It isn't necessary to become phoney, shop on Melrose and Rodeo or live in Malibu to become an actor. Becoming an actor is a craft, becoming a celebrity is a totally different animal. and you won't need talent.

Marti R.
Marti A.5 years ago

I will be moving to the country this month - my life long dream. Yes, I'm scared after being born and raised in New York City, but I am embracing it fully.

Nikola C.
Nikola Chikos5 years ago

The pursuit of dreams usually ends up in careers that are mostly damaging to society and the environment in the long run. Sometimes doing nothing is better than creating wasteful crap.

Kerry Stuparitz
Kerry G.5 years ago

it's difficult for me to know what i want to do. i am trying to listen to my intuition more and to just trust myself.