Romance is a state in which your primary relationship is not with your beloved but with your Self. Romance therefore begins when you can show your soul to another person.
The secret to being attractive, if one consults the past record of human experience, is remarkably simple. It is summarized in an aphorism from the Latin poet Ovid, who said, “To love, be lovable.” A lovable person is someone who is natural, easy with himself or herself, radiating the simple, unaffected humanity that makes anyone truly attractive.
Sometimes, however, the simplest solutions are the most difficult to achieve. People find themselves caught up in the anxious search for love precisely because they don’t feel lovable. The very condition that would make for romance is absent. It is sad to say, but many of us have never felt lovable, even in childhood, when we had the fewest defenses against love and therefore could approach it with the most spontaneous innocence.
Being lovably isn’t a superficial quality; it is a quality of spirit. If you can see yourself as spirit, it won’t matter what conditioning has occurred in the past, whether you were fortunate enough to be raised with loving values or so unfortunate that you were discouraged and made to feel ugly and worthless.
Remember, in our inmost being, we are all completely lovable because spirit is love. Beyond what anyone can make you think or feel about yourself, your unconditioned spirit stands, shining with love nothing can tarnish.
If being lovable really is the secret to attraction, then there is no need for anxious searching. Because your own being, which can never be lost, doesn’t have to be found. The only requirement is a shift in perception, for those who cannot find love perceive themselves as not being lovable. This is not true, but they make it seem true by linking their perception to a powerful system of beliefs.
Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).