We all know the song “Breaking up is hard to do,” and have heard from friends or even ourselves how difficult leaving a relationship can be or having someone break up with you. It is so much easier said that done.
If you are just joining us for the first time, reading the previous articles on Dysfunctional Dating would be helpful. This is a series of posts dealing with breaking the dysfunctional dating cycle and finding love. Click here to read the previous posts.
I cannot tell you how many times I have been in a relationship and I knew that the relationship was going nowhere, but could not find my way out. It would become so challenging to untangle myself and then once I did, or the other person did the breaking up, there was still the mental chatter, the hurt, the sadness, the angst, the thinking that “there won’t be anyone else like that person” (and thank G-d for that), the hours of journaling and fantasizing how to get that person back in my life and the list goes on. I’ve been there, done that. Then there are people who can end a relationship and move right on to the next person in a matter of days. That has always baffled me.
In any event, there are way too many stories about people feeling stuck in a relationship and not knowing how to get out and once they do, how to manage their life. I have found a few things that have been quite helpful in getting through this a bit more easily.
Sometimes relationships can become addictions and we think we are in love with someone, but its no longer really love, but an addiction to that relationship or person. It is almost as if we become chemically dependent on some type of perfume that they emit and we stay in something that we know in our hearts is unhealthy for us. Our minds and bodies are screaming at us to get out but like a loyal puppy we stay. I have heard married couples say that they stay in the marriage for the children, or finances, or it would be too “messy” and even though their lives have become intolerable, they stay.
There is always an excuse or reason to stick in a relationship. We can always find some ridiculous reason to hang onto, but we know in our hearts that it is just no longer a fit. The thing we also forget is that, if the relationship is not a fit for us, then the other person is probably unhappy as well. It is such a disservice to both people to stay in a relationship when it no longer is appropriate. Set yourself free as well as the other person. Stop torturing yourself and your partner and do what is honorable for both your lives.