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Breaking Up

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Breaking Up

We all know the song “Breaking up is hard to do,” and have heard from friends or even ourselves how difficult leaving a relationship can be or having someone break up with you.  It is so much easier said that done.

If you are just joining us for the first time, reading the previous articles on Dysfunctional Dating would be helpful.  This is a series of posts dealing with breaking the dysfunctional dating cycle and finding love. Click here to read the previous posts.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been in a relationship and I knew that the relationship was going nowhere, but could not find my way out.  It would become so challenging to untangle myself and then once I did, or the other person did the breaking up, there was still the mental chatter, the hurt, the sadness, the angst, the thinking that “there won’t be anyone else like that person” (and thank G-d for that), the hours of journaling and fantasizing how to get that person back in my life and the list goes on.  I’ve been there, done that.  Then there are people who can end a relationship and move right on to the next person in a matter of days.  That has always baffled me.

In any event, there are way too many stories about people feeling stuck in a relationship and not knowing how to get out and once they do, how to manage their life.  I have found a few things that have been quite helpful in getting through this a bit more easily.

Sometimes relationships can become addictions and we think we are in love with someone, but its no longer really love, but an addiction to that relationship or person.  It is almost as if we become chemically dependent on some type of perfume that they emit and we stay in something that we know in our hearts is unhealthy for us.  Our minds and bodies are screaming at us to get out but like a loyal puppy we stay.  I have heard married couples say that they stay in the marriage for the children, or finances, or it would be too “messy” and even though their lives have become intolerable, they stay.

There is always an excuse or reason to stick in a relationship.  We can always find some ridiculous reason to hang onto, but we know in our hearts that it is just no longer a fit. The thing we also forget is that, if the relationship is not a fit for us, then the other person is probably unhappy as well.  It is such a disservice to both people to stay in a relationship when it no longer is appropriate.  Set yourself free as well as the other person.  Stop torturing yourself and your partner and do what is honorable for both your lives.

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Read more: Dating, Exercises, Global Healing, Guidance, Health, Inspiration, Love, Relationships, Self-Help, Sex, Spirit, Stop Dating & Find Love!, The Celebrate Your Life Series, , , , , , ,

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Liz Dawn Donahue

Liz Dawn Donahue was recently married after years of dating. She is the CEO of Mishka Productions whose signature event Celebrate Your Life, brings together people from all over the world to assist in raising the consciousness of the planet. CelebrateYourLife.ORG


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4:12PM PDT on Oct 10, 2011

Thank you. I already knew all this, but, it's nice to hear it from another person.

7:58PM PST on Jan 25, 2011

I fid it rather hard for me to move on to get out of my current relationship...even thou my answers to all those questions are 'NO' too... and my relationship isnt going anywhere either, but I still wish that my bf would propose to marry me... I am so stuck, my mind says no and my body doesnt wanna move, what can I do....

3:48PM PST on Dec 5, 2010

I can definitely attest to the "break up, get back together, break up" cycle. If this happens, it's over for good, you're just scared!

3:03PM PDT on Nov 3, 2010

Thank you. This reminds me I need to read my favorite reference book "If Buddha dated" It always puts things into perspective for me.

7:12AM PDT on Oct 31, 2010

Thank you!

4:46PM PDT on Oct 15, 2010

thx for article!! :):)

7:12AM PDT on Oct 15, 2010


4:43PM PDT on Oct 12, 2010

Once the break up happens, in the first few days, be really kind to yourself. Do something special, like checking into a hotel and enjoying room service, or whatever makes you feel pampered and special. You need it. There is a group that was not mentioned and that would be the people who can leave a relationship and not look back, but will not go into another very soon at all. This is not as common as the others, but it does exist. I think sometimes people stay in the relationship because they know what they have and no matter how bad it is, perhaps they think it is better than the unknown of life after a breakup. When you get to the point where the unknown is better than the known, get out. You will feel relief when you wake the next day and the other person isn't there. You will know then it was the right decision.

4:04AM PDT on Oct 11, 2010


5:28PM PDT on Oct 10, 2010

No wonder there is so many divorce becos everyone is choosing the easy way out from a marriage. We no longer try and try to talk and work things out anymore. Just call it a day and that's what is happening, even to a Christaian marriage like mine...after a quarter decade! God Bless every marriage out there to talk and resolve the ups and downs in life and think of strengthening the marriage. Yes, for the children and the next.

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