While many of us explore the impact of our parents’ choices on us, “The Work” is about putting together the pieces of our own reality. It is not about blame. Quite simply, we are who we are, products of a DNA lottery and whatever number of years’ worth of experiences. Some of us invest the time, money, and energy to come to terms with the latter and recover from the past in a way that allows us to change; and that process of digging into the gardens of our lives allows us to cultivate better ones. We are capable of growing and changing, of personal evolution, so to speak.
I’ve spent a good bit of my adulthood hashing out the realities of my childhood—the impact of my parents’ divorce and custody battles that followed, and the back-and-forth between them as they both moved around the world within their respective U.S. Air Force careers. As a young adult, frankly, I was a mess. I had almost no sense of personal identity (no sense of self that one would want anyway) and while the sordid details are more Jerry Springer than Care2, it’s safe to say I’ve come a long way in the search to find myself.
As a life coach, my focus has always been on individual empowerment and how each one of us can go about changing our own lives. This belief that we can take control of the wheel and drive the bus of our lives to the destination of our choice, on whichever route we damn well please, is empowering. Therapeutically speaking, we go to great lengths to separate (emotionally) from those around us because the only one we can change is ourselves.