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Cashing Out Of ‘The Game Of Life’

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Cashing Out Of ‘The Game Of Life’

“I don’t believe in the choice you two are making… I don’t, but I don’t think that it’s any of my business.”

I didn’t see it coming… wasn’t ready, even remotely, to hear these words come from a woman who is like a mother to me. She helped raise me. In the four and a half years since I came out, I’ve gone to great lengths to not concern myself with what the people around me think about it, or me. As they say, what you think of me is none of my business.

That sort of detachment, however, is not my nature (particularly with “friends” and “family”) and I have to turn it on, so to speak… like one must have to detach from the sensation of pain when they climb in a boxing ring. The conversation in question occurred so spontaneously, I didn’t even have time to lift my arms up to block the shot. Boom, a massive blow straight to the gut.

It. Hurt. Like. Hell.

The adult in me wants to talk about the “I don’t believe in the choice you two are making…” part. I don’t know how else to say this… BEING GAY IS NOT A (FREAKING) CHOICE! Read a book. I hear that Ellen’s Mom’s books is priceless. Google it. Visit the Human Rights Campaign to get informed about what’s on the line here. Do something. There is research to back this up.

I was born this way.

Even more importantly, look back. Do you remember the times that we were together and people thought I was your son?

There were a million moments like this, I was G.I. Jane for Halloween for Pete’s sake! I was different and in this moment, I feel incredibly angry that you (and the rest of the people who raised me, and claimed to love me) stood by and watched me suffer, because I couldn’t figure out who in the hell I was. I don’t believe for an instant that it never occurred to anyone that I might be gay.

Next: You “don’t believe” in what, exactly?

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Read more: Health, Love, Mental Wellness, News & Issues, Relationships, Self-Help, Sex, Spirit, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , ,

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Christy Diane Farr

Christy Diane Farr is a catalyst. If that sounds like something you want more of in your life, visit 'The Greenhouse' at and join the Wildflower Evolution on Facebook.


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11:56PM PDT on Jul 13, 2013

Powerful and heartfelt piece Christy. Thank you.
It makes me sad that there is still so much judging, so many blinkered views, so much lack of acceptance for other people.

7:11AM PDT on Jul 11, 2012

so sad how many are either ignorant about what leads one to have one or another sexual preference (and thus believe there was ever a choice in the matter) and are unable to follow Christ's command to love their neighbor...

10:53AM PDT on Oct 29, 2011


9:58PM PDT on Sep 19, 2011

My favorite line in the article, "I don’t vote on your marriage. You have no right to vote on mine." Exactly. Those sort of people would throw a fit if someone got to vote on whether their straight marriage could proceed, so why do they think they have a right to vote on someone else's gay marriage?

3:27PM PDT on Jul 26, 2011


1:06PM PDT on Jul 26, 2011


12:28PM PDT on Jul 25, 2011

Thank you for putting your voice out there. It is a light that other people, who need to hear, will follow.
When I came out to my Mom as teen entering adulthood, she had intially had a tough time dealing with it, and she recalls going through a "mourning period". This lasted about a week, because at the end of the week my Mom says God spoke to her while she was on her knees praying about me. He answered her gently and lovingly, like He does, and told her.."Michelle isn't going to change. So you'll have to change." Since that day, my mother's countenance was lifted, and she gathered me in her arms and she and my Dad, in fact my whole family, have been my main supporters ever since.
My story is a fortunate one, but it was just that initial "one week" of pain and confusion I experienced, when I thought I wouldn't be accepted for me, that causes me to hurt for all individuals who experience this type of organic rejection. I hope my experience can help someone who does not think that God loves them the way they are. He does!

3:15AM PDT on Jul 25, 2011

What a great article! I'm so sorry that a person who you thought would understand has turned out to be amazingly closed-minded. She should be celebrating your self discovery, happiness and love. Why are religious groups the world over obsessed by what people are doing in their own bedrooms, with love, self expression and - most importantly - consent?

Derp, you've hit the nail on the head, why aren't these people out on the streets demonstrating against rape, torture, child abuse, poverty, war and any number of atrocities out there?

Why is it ANYONE'S business what you do in the bedroom, as long as you are not hurting another being?

When I was young, my mother explained homosexuality as 'a man who loves another man, or a woman who loves another woman' I never needed any more explanation, she didn't judge or give her opinion on it, it was enough that same sex love was something that happened, and that it was ok.

The religious argument does not stand up in any way whatsoever. It is the worst kind of cherry picking. Yes - the bible says it's wrong, but it also says that wearing clothes of mixed fibres is wrong and you should make your wife live in your shed when she's having a period. Christians don't generally follow these rules, so why do they take this particular (miniscule) part of the teachings of that infernal book so seriously?
I hope you have a happy, successful and wonderful life with your wife and meet many like-minded people who just want to enter 'real

12:12AM PDT on Jul 25, 2011

I grew up in a home where children were encouraged to be themselves and follow their own dreams, as long as it's what other family members agreed with. When I finally came out, hoping it would be accepted, I was disappointed yet again. Until my life took a left turn while others thought it should turn right, I naively thought I would be accepted. I've been out for over 10 years now and it literally cost me my family. I'm okay, especially when I realized I never had my family in the first place. When someone doesn't accept you 100% for who you are, no matter who they are, it's time to move on. No two ways about it, you're a wonderful person and anyone tells you any different doesn't deserve to share your extraordinary life. I'm thrilled to read articles such as this. Although parts were sad and quite infuriating, the end was as it should be, she stayed true to who she is and if you didn't like it or were unable to accept it, what a terrible loss for you.

5:14AM PDT on Jul 24, 2011

Really interesting. Thank you.

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