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Climbing Out Of The Darkness

As we’d flown through the air, they both yelled, “Mama! Mama!” But he’d fallen silent but she was coming completely undone. You would have thought that some part of her was continuing to fall into the massive darkness that remained below. As if the worst was still coming.

I used my strongest, most loving mama voice to say her name. I laid my hands on her legs and shoulder and face, “Look, I have you. Look, you’re okay,” and then on her brother, “Look, I have him… he’s okay,” and then on me, “See? Look at me. I’m okay. The car is trashed but we are safe in here. We are okay. Someone is going to come and help us get out. We are okay. Do you see? I’ve got you… it’s okay now.”

Breathe.

There was a man yelling down to us about help coming. I opened the door to talk to him, at least in part because I couldn’t figure out how to roll down my window. It opened up the hill and was almost too heavy for my body which I seemed to have almost no control over. Somehow, I propped it open with my left leg, which I then left there because I was too weak to do anything else. The earth poured in around us–the smells and sounds and cool, damp air of the forest we’d fallen into.

Breathe and laugh.  “Man, this is sort of sketchy, sitting in the dark like this,” my son joked and I added, “Yeah, and we know there’s at least one little red fox running around.” Our laughter echoed in the darkness and then my daughter added. “I think that if I hadn’t been wearing my seatbelt, I would be dead right now… way down there.” The humbling silence fell over us and we listened to the sirens in the distance. Here they come…

Climbing out of the darkness was hard, even with help. My body was still trembling and weak, or vibrating and strong. Or maybe it was both. I went first. The man with the eyes said so. He looked like he was ready for a fight but I thought that if he could get me up that hill, I’d be glad to be there. He told me to let him hold the door so I could put both feet on the ground. I had to concentrate to find my right leg. My knee was pounding, thickening with each passing moment, but the rest of my leg was busy. My eyes followed it to the brake pedal. So much time had past, maybe seven or eight minutes since the car landed, and I was still holding the brake to the floor with every ounce of my being.

The man with the eyes saw it too. He told me it was okay… he helped me get out and pushed me up the hill. Another man explained he was taking me to an ambulance. Yes, he assured me, it was the same ambulance my children would be coming to. She came first, then him–walking and talking and perfectly sound. When my mother arrived, they brought her into the ambulance too and she looked as though we were ghosts. That made sense because I sort of felt like a ghost.

_______

This accident happened two weeks ago. The car is destroyed but the children and I walked away. While I am profoundly grateful that we are alive, the trauma of the experience continues to make its way out of our bodies. There are so many sides to this story–beauty, terror, synchronicity, transformation, bonding, surrender–and as it unfolds within me, I will continue to share it with the knowledge that storytelling, even the really hard ones, cultivate love and healing. This is the true climbing out of the darkness.

Related:
Letting Go of My Need to Be in Control
Angels, Airbags and Gratitude
Does It Take a Crisis to Transform?

Read more: Inspiration, Mental Wellness, Self-Help, Spirit, Stress, , , , , , , , ,

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Christy Diane Farr

Christy Diane Farr is a catalyst. If that sounds like something you want more of in your life, visit 'The Greenhouse' at SeedsAndWeedsCoaching.com and join the Wildflower Evolution on Facebook.

54 comments

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12:21PM PST on Dec 7, 2012

(sorry, just a bit of topic) Hi Richard K., I was trying to answer your message but Care2 reports your profile as gone... oh dear! a bug maybe, but I did try...

2:32PM PST on Dec 6, 2012

Yes, I am with Richard K. in his comment, I always drive carefully on our country roads, especially in the dark (no "you can go as fast as you want, no other cars!", indeed, but other critters use that quiet time too) and sometimes, it feels like the little fella dashing acros has so timed it to be precisely hit by my car... I'm an animal communicator and when I can with the traffic I go back -facing the guilt, because laying aside a body somebody else killed is so much easier on the heart...- and mostly they are very surprised that I CARE, that I'm sad and I even noticed their little bodies on the road. I am usually much more upset than they are, a body is just a costume you can change but still... I lay them aside respectfully and honour a soul moved on.

2:18PM PST on Nov 22, 2012

Hope you and you children recover soon.Glad you are all okay.

9:02PM PST on Nov 12, 2012

@Heidi A., I am... not a man but I do have a wife. I'm not sure if that changes anything you said in your comment. I just thought you might want to know.

And for the record, she was grateful I told her when I did. She likes to be my rock. And she's going to be away for a while. You could read more about that here: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/living-the-dream-rocks-and-hard-places.html

8:09PM PST on Nov 12, 2012

What a wimpy assed man. He "has to tell her for his sake" while she is 900 miles away. How did that "help" anyone. A real man would have told her when she came back so she could stay focused on whatever she was doing 900 miles away (must have been important or she wouldn't have been there). No one was hurt. I could have waited. A mature man would have evaluated the situation and made the manly decision to tell her when she got back for HER sake.

12:30PM PST on Nov 10, 2012

An amazing story; magnificently told. When anybody goes through trauma, it's important to "talk it out". It's not to make it make sense or for closure- just for processing the event.

11:46AM PST on Nov 10, 2012

Thank you.

9:59AM PST on Nov 10, 2012

Seat belts have saved a great many lives.Glad you're all safe.

9:59AM PST on Nov 10, 2012

"...seatbelts and angels.."!!!....I BELIEVE!!!

9:47AM PST on Nov 10, 2012

@ Dale O. Richard, "the negative athiest" here. I live in a semi-rural area and animals either on or crossing the road is not an infrequent experience. I try to drive accordingly, but unfortunately there are times when small critters have met their end under the wheels. This is upsetting to me as I respect all life and do not want to harm or kill anything - including myself or the passengers with me. I try to live by the precept of "harm to no one." Personally, I could never figure out the animal behavior gene that tells it to run madly across the road when speeding vehicles are approaching, or for that matter, decisions made by those drivers who will imperil themselves and others just to save it.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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