Why I Cheated On My Husband: One Woman’s Confession

By Marina Pearson for YourTango.com.

The four reasons I unearthed and what they taught me about love.

“How could you have done this to me, to us? Who are you and who did I marry?” With tears in his eyes, my ex-husband shouted and screamed these questions at me on the day he found out that I’d had an affair. All the while, I stood their shaking, in shock, not knowing what to say that would make what I had done right. I was a cheater.

More from YourTango: Is Online Dating Cheating?

Looking back, I realize that nothing in that moment would have given him the solace and comfort that he was looking for or that I was looking for. His care and love had been transformed into disdain and hate for the monster I had become to him.

The question that came up repeatedly after our marriage dissolved was “Why?” Why did I cheat on him? Why would I do such a thing to a man who was caring, funny and generous? It wasn’t like he beat me up or anything like that.

If you are reading this and judging me, you are within your rights. No one judged me more harshly than I did, and even now, although it all turned out for the best, I wouldn’t go down that road again even though I can completely understand why any women would.

According to the UK Adultery Survey 2012 by undercoverlovers.com, cheating women are more likely to stray as they are seeking emotional fulfillment, an improvement to their self-esteem and romance. When women cheat will depend on how fulfilled they feel in their marriages. But according to the survey, wives who cheat will do so five years into their marriages whereas men will do so seven years in.

After much soul-searching, I finally got to understand what drove me to cheat and why I had stepped into the shoes of cheating women:

1. My mindset. I was still living in the illusive notion that happiness was something that I could acquire from an external source, so I bought into a fantasy. It’s a fantasy that I see a lot of my clients buy into, which is that there is a fairy tale, one-sided man that exists to bring happiness to them. This is just not true.

Back then, I bought into the notion that because I wasn’t happy that someone else could dish happiness up on a silver platter. As my ex husband was not able to, someone else could surely, right? This of course wasn’t true and to this day, still isn’t. In fact, the whole ordeal stressed me out and exposed me to more confusion and unhappiness.

  • Lesson learned: Being part of the cheating women club, I understand now that running away from myself was not the answer and that I am responsible for my own happiness and fulfilment. My happiness is, under no circumstances, anybody else’s responsibility least of all whoever I am in a relationship with.

More from YourTango: Understanding Infidelity: Why We Cheat

2. The guilt factor. I honestly believed I was a bad person for thinking that I no longer fancied my ex husband, so as not to hurt him I kept quiet. I couldn’t find the words to tell him that I no longer found him sexually attractive. I was scared that he would finally find out that I was that “bad person” I judged myself to be. Instead of being able to confront him with my feelings and thoughts that “only bad people” would have, I proved my own beliefs of being that “bad person” anyway hoping he wouldn’t find out.

In this pattern of thinking, there was a belief that I was not worthy of someone to love me, as much as my ex husband did.

  • Lesson learned: What I now realize is that our beliefs about how we see ourselves can lead us to do some crazy things. Why women cheat certainly has become more apparent to me especially if belief systems are involved, as they can be powerful catalysts for behavior. By working on myself, I was able to finally overcome this pattern and now find myself in a loving relationship.

3. Lack of maturity and knowledge. Looking back, I realize now that I didn’t have the maturity or the tools of how to live with the problems that my ex-husband and I were encountering at the time. We would argue, get upset and as a result, our communication broke down and so did our intimacy. I didn’t know how to manage the dynamic nor manage my thoughts around them either. Any time we argued, I honestly believed that he didn’t love me. So, I acted out to get my own back.

  • Lesson learned: It’s important to keep the communication channels open because once you sense that they aren’t, intimacy can easily slide away from you quickly. Before you know it you are yearning for it deeply. I have often heard that wives who cheat did so because of this communication break down, which leads to their frustration of not feeling heard or understood. It’s also important to learn about relationships with courses or even coaching.

More from YourTango: 10 Signs That He Is Cheating

4. The passion died. At the time, I remember feeling that the passion had died in our relationship. I wanted to feel that my ex husband longed for me, that he wanted me and that he would woo me. Our relationship fell into a day to day routine, taking all the excitement out of it and the passion died. I wanted to break free from this and thought that the best way was to do it through a selfish act.

  • Lesson learned: I now realize that looking for passion out side of the relationship was only ever going to be short lived, which in this case it was. Working on what we had which was a lot would have probably been the best option.

All of these reasons may sound like excuses and you know what? It was a selfish act. I will be the first to admit it. I could have chosen not to do what I did, but if I put myself in the shoes of that young girl, at that time, I really felt that this was the solution.

My overall feeling is that if you are a woman who is contemplating becoming part of the women cheating club or a woman who has cheated, then I would ask you to contemplate what it is that is getting you to think about it and what it was that launched you into action.

I have read a lot around the subject and many articles talk about how the woman wasn’t happy in the relationship, however I would say that happiness comes from within. You cannot leave that up to anyone else. I don’t regret what I did; as a result of the divorce, my ex gave me the biggest gift you can give anyone I finally got to find my happiness from within.

To stay connected to Marina and download your *FREE* chapters of Goodbye Mr Ex so that you get off the emotional rollercoaster ride and instead free yourself of the pain.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: Confession: Why I Cheated On My Husband.

1834 comments

Rose M.
Rose M.20 days ago

I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful..My husband divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have him back cos i really love him so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early ageat the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and he woke up one morning and he told me he’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when he came back from work he tender to me a divorce letter and he packed all him loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have him back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for him full name and him picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that he’s with a woman and that woman i the reason why he left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring him back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,he called me himself and came to me apologizing and he told me he will come back to

SEND
Rose M.
Rose M.20 days ago

I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful..My husband divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have him back cos i really love him so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early ageat the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and he woke up one morning and he told me he’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when he came back from work he tender to me a divorce letter and he packed all him loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have him back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for him full name and him picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that he’s with a woman and that woman i the reason why he left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring him back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,he called me himself and came to me apologizing and he told me he will come back to

SEND
Henry J
Henry J.20 days ago

While the internet has become awash and flooded in recent times by impostors who parade themselves as 'hackers', the watchword is 'look before you leap'. As such, one of the distinguishing ways of ascertaining a genuine hacker is 'proof of completed job/service before payment'.

In furtherance of this, do well to contact on spiderwebhack001@gmail.com for all your hacking needs today (catching of a cheating partner, changing university grades, hacking school portal and getting test/exam questions in advance, clearing of criminal records, FB hack, email hack etc), a trial will convince you.

SEND
Monica B.
Monica B.21 days ago

After being in relationship with him for 3 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell
caster, his email is DROGBEMUDIANSPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM or email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or phone number +23481405

SEND
Laurie D
Laurie D.23 days ago

I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until i met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business. He is really powerful. My husband divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have him back cos i really love him so much but all my effort did not work out, we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and he woke up one morning and he told me he’s going on a divorce, i thought it was a joke and when he came back from work he tender to me a divorce letter and he packed all his belonging from my house and left. i ran mad and i tried all i could to have him back but all did not work out. I was lonely for almost 4 year, So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for his full name and his picture. I gave him that. At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos i have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution, so when he finished with the readings, he got back to me that he’s with a woman and that woman is the reason why he left me, The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring him back, but i never believe all this he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days. 3 days later, he called me himself and came to me apologizing and he told me he will come back to me. I can't believe this, it was like a drea

SEND
Wetly P
Wetly P24 days ago

Dr Mack restored marriage back. if you are out there looking for help to get back your Ex Lover back, I will advice you to contact Dr Mack because he is really good at this service. I was having issue with my Husband last 3 months but when i contact Dr Mack for help, His result was positive and strong and i got a good result he definitely brought my Husband back, Here is an email address to help you reach him (((dr.mac@yahoo.com))) i promise you your heart desire will be accomplished
State: SOUTH CAROLINA
Country: United States

SEND
Linda B
Linda B.26 days ago

Should you ever require the services of a hacker, i implore you to try your very best to hire only professionals. CYBERHACKTON@GMAIL.COM will increase your chances of getting your job completed. i was able to hire the services of an elite, asides the fact that i was provided a permanent solution to the service he rendered me but he gave a very efficient customer experience. he carried me along with every process and didn't leave me in the dark.
contact; CYBERHACKTON@GMAIL.COM

SEND
Isabel S.
Past Member 26 days ago

I was really worried when i started suspecting my wife of cheating
on me. I couldn't get access to her phones or laptop.One day a friend
advised me to hire a hacker. He introduced me to this American hacker
by the name QUICKSOLUTION040@GMAIL.COM who helped me clone her cell phone and i received all her text messages,emails,facebook message on my cell phone.All thanks to Vlad. you should contact him for all kinds of hacking services. Email- QUICKSOLUTION040@GMAIL.COM

SEND
Sonia E.
Sonia E.about a month ago

After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NE

SEND
Monica B.
Monica B.1 months ago

After being in relationship with him for 3 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell
caster, his email is DROGBEMUDIANSPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM or email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or phone number +23481405

SEND