Why I Cheated On My Husband: One Woman’s Confession

By Marina Pearson for YourTango.com.

The four reasons I unearthed and what they taught me about love.

“How could you have done this to me, to us? Who are you and who did I marry?” With tears in his eyes, my ex-husband shouted and screamed these questions at me on the day he found out that I’d had an affair. All the while, I stood their shaking, in shock, not knowing what to say that would make what I had done right. I was a cheater.

More from YourTango: Is Online Dating Cheating?

Looking back, I realize that nothing in that moment would have given him the solace and comfort that he was looking for or that I was looking for. His care and love had been transformed into disdain and hate for the monster I had become to him.

The question that came up repeatedly after our marriage dissolved was “Why?” Why did I cheat on him? Why would I do such a thing to a man who was caring, funny and generous? It wasn’t like he beat me up or anything like that.

If you are reading this and judging me, you are within your rights. No one judged me more harshly than I did, and even now, although it all turned out for the best, I wouldn’t go down that road again even though I can completely understand why any women would.

According to the UK Adultery Survey 2012 by undercoverlovers.com, cheating women are more likely to stray as they are seeking emotional fulfillment, an improvement to their self-esteem and romance. When women cheat will depend on how fulfilled they feel in their marriages. But according to the survey, wives who cheat will do so five years into their marriages whereas men will do so seven years in.

After much soul-searching, I finally got to understand what drove me to cheat and why I had stepped into the shoes of cheating women:

1. My mindset. I was still living in the illusive notion that happiness was something that I could acquire from an external source, so I bought into a fantasy. It’s a fantasy that I see a lot of my clients buy into, which is that there is a fairy tale, one-sided man that exists to bring happiness to them. This is just not true.

Back then, I bought into the notion that because I wasn’t happy that someone else could dish happiness up on a silver platter. As my ex husband was not able to, someone else could surely, right? This of course wasn’t true and to this day, still isn’t. In fact, the whole ordeal stressed me out and exposed me to more confusion and unhappiness.

  • Lesson learned: Being part of the cheating women club, I understand now that running away from myself was not the answer and that I am responsible for my own happiness and fulfilment. My happiness is, under no circumstances, anybody else’s responsibility least of all whoever I am in a relationship with.

More from YourTango: Understanding Infidelity: Why We Cheat

2. The guilt factor. I honestly believed I was a bad person for thinking that I no longer fancied my ex husband, so as not to hurt him I kept quiet. I couldn’t find the words to tell him that I no longer found him sexually attractive. I was scared that he would finally find out that I was that “bad person” I judged myself to be. Instead of being able to confront him with my feelings and thoughts that “only bad people” would have, I proved my own beliefs of being that “bad person” anyway hoping he wouldn’t find out.

In this pattern of thinking, there was a belief that I was not worthy of someone to love me, as much as my ex husband did.

  • Lesson learned: What I now realize is that our beliefs about how we see ourselves can lead us to do some crazy things. Why women cheat certainly has become more apparent to me especially if belief systems are involved, as they can be powerful catalysts for behavior. By working on myself, I was able to finally overcome this pattern and now find myself in a loving relationship.

3. Lack of maturity and knowledge. Looking back, I realize now that I didn’t have the maturity or the tools of how to live with the problems that my ex-husband and I were encountering at the time. We would argue, get upset and as a result, our communication broke down and so did our intimacy. I didn’t know how to manage the dynamic nor manage my thoughts around them either. Any time we argued, I honestly believed that he didn’t love me. So, I acted out to get my own back.

  • Lesson learned: It’s important to keep the communication channels open because once you sense that they aren’t, intimacy can easily slide away from you quickly. Before you know it you are yearning for it deeply. I have often heard that wives who cheat did so because of this communication break down, which leads to their frustration of not feeling heard or understood. It’s also important to learn about relationships with courses or even coaching.

More from YourTango: 10 Signs That He Is Cheating

4. The passion died. At the time, I remember feeling that the passion had died in our relationship. I wanted to feel that my ex husband longed for me, that he wanted me and that he would woo me. Our relationship fell into a day to day routine, taking all the excitement out of it and the passion died. I wanted to break free from this and thought that the best way was to do it through a selfish act.

  • Lesson learned: I now realize that looking for passion out side of the relationship was only ever going to be short lived, which in this case it was. Working on what we had which was a lot would have probably been the best option.

All of these reasons may sound like excuses and you know what? It was a selfish act. I will be the first to admit it. I could have chosen not to do what I did, but if I put myself in the shoes of that young girl, at that time, I really felt that this was the solution.

My overall feeling is that if you are a woman who is contemplating becoming part of the women cheating club or a woman who has cheated, then I would ask you to contemplate what it is that is getting you to think about it and what it was that launched you into action.

I have read a lot around the subject and many articles talk about how the woman wasn’t happy in the relationship, however I would say that happiness comes from within. You cannot leave that up to anyone else. I don’t regret what I did; as a result of the divorce, my ex gave me the biggest gift you can give anyone I finally got to find my happiness from within.

To stay connected to Marina and download your *FREE* chapters of Goodbye Mr Ex so that you get off the emotional rollercoaster ride and instead free yourself of the pain.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: Confession: Why I Cheated On My Husband.

1767 comments

Jessica H.
Jessica H.2 days ago

For Real How to get your ex lover back and be happy again, My Name is Bartley Whitley I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Indian in June last year on a business summit i meet a friend of mine called Mariana she introduce me to a man called Dr Shiva at hinduspelltemple@yahoo.com that he can help me get my lover back, Dr Shiva is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back your love s gone misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job am now happy & a living testimony because the man i had wanted to marry left me 4weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our relationship has been on for 3 year i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him at first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try and in 6 days when i returned to back to Canada my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married i didn’t believe it because the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid and my husband also got a ne

Chris B.
Chris B.4 days ago

Hi, i have been in a common law relationship for 12 years, 3 kids, a big house with a big loan, the perfect picture. My wife started having feelings for a co worker, and one night, at a company party, she cheated on me. She dreams about that guy, and even reject my love, telling me that she never loved me (We don t build a life like we did without love) i use to feel her love, but there is no more blind than the one who doesn't wanna see. She wants me to sign the house to her, leave the kids and the bed for the other one. I met this girl in another country, then she felt pregnant and wanted back to her country. I followed her, gave up my life, a lots of hope been a foreigner in her country. I gave her until my shirt, motivated her to progress, always making her life easier. I loved her unconditionally, this happened really recently, 3 weeks ago. so i am still quite shocked.I feel really down, abused, cheated on, and pushed with no choices at all. She keeps texting and smiling to her phone all day long. I can t support it.

Chris B.
Chris B.4 days ago

Hi, i have been in a common law relationship for 12 years, 3 kids, a big house with a big loan, the perfect picture. My wife started having feelings for a co worker, and one night, at a company party, she cheated on me. She dreams about that guy, and even reject my love, telling me that she never loved me (We don t build a life like we did without love) i use to feel her love, but there is no more blind than the one who doesn't wanna see. She wants me to sign the house to her, leave the kids and the bed for the other one. I met this girl in another country, then she felt pregnant and wanted back to her country. I followed her, gave up my life, a lots of hope been a foreigner in her country. I gave her until my shirt, motivated her to progress, always making her life easier. I loved her unconditionally, this happened really recently, 3 weeks ago. so i am still quite shocked.I feel really down, abused, cheated on, and pushed with no choices at all. She keeps texting an smiling to her phone all day long. I can t support it.

Chris B.
Chris B.4 days ago

Hi, i have been in a common law relationship for 12 years, 3 kids, a big house with a big loan, the perfect picture. My wife started having feelings for a co worker, and one night, at a company party, she cheated on me. She dreams about that guy, and even reject my love, telling me that she never loved me (We don t build a life like we did without love) i use to feel her love, but there is no more blind than the one who doesn't wanna see. She wants me to sign the house to her, leave the kids and the bed for the other one. I met this girl in another country, then she felt pregnant and wanted back to her country. I followed her, gave up my life, a lots of hope been a foreigner in her country. I gave her until my shirt, motivated her to progress, always making her life easier. I loved her unconditionally, this happened really recently, 3 weeks ago. so i am still quite shocked.I feel really down, abused, cheated on, and pushed with no choices at all. She keeps texting an smiling to her phone all day long. I can t support it.

Past Member
Past Member 6 days ago

Thanks to Prophet Abuvia because He is great. He has done so much for me. A few months ago my wife left me for another man. I was so depressed I was even admitted in hospital. Then for some reason I was searching for divorce lawyers and to my surprise I ended up on the prophet abuvia website (www.prophetabuviasolutiontemple.webs.com). I started reading his works and testimonies and I was so encouraged to fight for my marriage through his power and work. There were times were I lost hope,thinking of giving up but He reminds me to never lose hope. Isaiah 41:10. Today I can say my marriage has been restored. We happy and playing every day and she is happier than before. if you are having such or any kind of problem, you can also contact prophet abuvia on his email prophet.abuvia@gmail.com


Kane Robert
+1-765-570-4928
kanerobert@email.com

Mary B.
Mary B.8 days ago

For those who are looking for a Real and honest and true spell caster. Before I came in contact with Dr. Caro, I have searched and searched for a spell casters to get my love back home to me and helped with with my family so they would respect and accept him. I will give credit where it is due. Dr Caro is a true and POWERFULL spell caster that you will ever find she is the best. I am in a place in my life that I thought could never happen, but I am. My love has returned and I feel the the love and HAPPENIESS that she brought to me. I’m telling you if you been to other spell casters, psychics with no results or you never been to one and you need help. Go to her website you will be glad if you have her as a spell caster. I WILL KEEP USING HER ALWAYS TILL THE DAY I DIE… PLEASE CONTACT HER TODAY AT website:carosolutionhome@hotmail.com or carosolutionhome@gmail.com
THE ONLY POWERFUL FEMALE SPELL CASTER/HERBAL DOCTOR IN THE WORLD
Here are some of my areas of specializations below:
1. Get your scam money back
2. Get your Ex back in less than 2 days, Bring back lost lover even if lost for a long time
3. Remove bad spells from homes, business & customer attraction etc.
4. Get promotion you have desired for a long time at work or in your career.
5. Read all your problems before you even mention them to him
6. Remove the black spot that keeps taking your money away
7. Find out why you are not progressing in life and the solution

Helen S.
Helen S.8 days ago

After being in relationship with him for 3 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the other ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, like of issue of not be able to get pregnant for many years, lotto, his email is DRAISEDIONSPELLCASTER@OUTLOOK.COM you can email him if you need his help in your relationsh

Louey J.
Louey J.9 days ago

i am Mrs. Louey Jona from new York. i want to use this medium to congratulate Dr MOMODU for the great help of spell he has render to my relationship outbreak. since the past 4 months i was in a relationship problem with my ex, he always get me beating, i never knew he has another girl outside the town, her name is merable, until i got this great spell caster email address from the internet, so i email him and i laid all my complain to him, he promise me that i am going to get my ex back. and i really agreed on it, but on a condition that i will testify abut him once my ex is back which i did his great oracle, his plan for my relationship was fulfill and my lost ex was back again within 48hrs... please if you are in such mess today please contact him at drmomoduspelltemple@yahoo.com OR drmomoduspelltemple@hotmail.com DR. Momodu for the excessive work that he has done for me. his Via web sit: http://drmomoduspelltempl.wix.com/http OR you can call him with number +15306253704

Louey J.
Louey J.9 days ago

i am Mrs. Louey Jona from new York. i want to use this medium to congratulate Dr MOMODU for the great help of spell he has render to my relationship outbreak. since the past 4 months i was in a relationship problem with my ex, he always get me beating, i never knew he has another girl outside the town, her name is merable, until i got this great spell caster email address from the internet, so i email him and i laid all my complain to him, he promise me that i am going to get my ex back. and i really agreed on it, but on a condition that i will testify abut him once my ex is back which i did his great oracle, his plan for my relationship was fulfill and my lost ex was back again within 48hrs... please if you are in such mess today please contact him at drmomoduspelltemple@yahoo.com OR drmomoduspelltemple@hotmail.com DR. Momodu for the excessive work that he has done for me. his Via web sit: http://drmomoduspelltempl.wix.com/http OR you can call him with number +15306253704

Sierra B.
Sierra B.9 days ago

First of all i want to thank Sierra hbavna for the post she made on how DR MOMODU helped her in bringing back her lover before NEW YEAR At first when i saw the posting i was so happy and in the other hand so scared,That this might not be real, Then i decided to give it a try in which i contacted DR MOMODU and told him how my lover left me for another lady for the past 4months and i have been lonely and depressed without him,So i told him if he has helped anyone called Sierra hbavna and he said yes, that was the lady he helped in bringing back her lover before NEW YEAR,I said good and i told him that if he can help me in bringing back my own lover,He laughed and said once i have contacted him that my problem will be solved. He said that my lover will be back to me within 24hours and do an unexpected thing for me. i said really, Truly when the 24hours was completed i got a text from someone saying am sorry then i decided to call the number i saw it was my lover smith voice. I was so happy he was begging me on phone, That he is ready to do anything that will make me happy in life,So i told him to come over which he did,As he was coming he came with a brand new Car as gift i was so happy and made me had access to his account to prove to me that he is not going to leave me for another lady,Am so happy today and am also thanking Sierra hbavna for posting this early. DR MOMODU you are truly a man of your word. He can also solve any kind of problems in this world. Friends you can co