Does Your Doctor Touch You?

Aside from a physical exam, does your doctor touch you?

By touching, I mean does your doctor look you in the eye and treat you as a whole human being? Touch your hand…perhaps even offer a hug when the situation calls for one?

After my cancer diagnosis last year, I experienced first-hand the value of the human connection in medicine.

My first visit with a surgeon began with a hug greeting for both me and my husband. It ended the same way. In between those hugs the doctor answered questions, looked us in the eye, and treated us like the people we are rather than just another case of cancer. Because of her friendly and respectful style, there were no walls between doctor and patient or between doctor and patient’s spouse. We listened intently to her explanations and advice. She listened just as intently to our concerns, and we knew we were in good hands.

A month later we visited an oncologist for the first time and were flabbergasted to find another doctor who practiced in the same style. He is more inclined to save hugs for big moments, but always treats us with kindness and respect. When he asks how I’m doing, I know he’s asking about more than the physical aspects of cancer. He sees people with cancer all day long — all week — all month — all year — but he understands that for those of us who find our way to his office, it’s very personal and each decision is a big one.

With a pat on the hand, a hug, or by simply looking a patient in the eye, doctors can lessen anxiety and help the patient to work as a partner in their health, and that’s good for everybody.

Dr. Itzhak Brook wrote of his experiences on the other side of the equation in an LA Times article earlier this year:

“I was in a state of desperation and disbelief when I left the pathology laboratory and walked into my internist’s office to break the news to him. He slowly got out of his chair without uttering a word and gave me a big, supportive hug.

“It felt so good to know that he deeply cared for me beyond our professional relationship. His embrace moved me — made me feel that I was surrounded by those who truly appreciated my pain and distress, and who shared my personal tragedy. It meant much more at that moment than a thousand words of support or elaborate explanations.

“It was the power of a caring, human touch. I knew that I was not alone in my future struggles, that he would be beside me all the way.

“I had never been hugged by a medical caregiver. Nor had I given a hug to a patient: I always believed in maintaining a professional distance between them and me. Yet at that moment, I learned there may be situations in medical practice where the power of a hug eclipses everything else one can offer.”

And this is an excerpt from Dr. Neil Baum on the KevinMD blog:

“I asked the patient to accompany me to the reception area where I gathered my staff and the patient next to a prominently posted sign that says, “if you are feeling less than a B+, please let us know and we will give you a hug.” I whispered to my staff members that the patient needed a hug. When we hugged him, the patient had tears in his eyes because I believe we showed real concern for him and his well-being…

“Later that day, my staff members wrote to the patient and expressing their concerns and saying that they look forward to seeing him at his next appointment. When the patient returned to my office several weeks later, he said that he had found my staff’s hugs were far more effective and far more encouraging than his psychotherapy sessions and the three antidepressant medications.

“This patient encounter remains one of the highlights of my medical career. The patient clearly demonstrates the power of high touch and that as long as physicians are willing to use high touch, they will never be replaced by high tech.”

Of course, not everyone wants to be hugged, and it’s not always called for. Some doctors might even be afraid of a negative reaction and I can hardly blame them. To those doctors I suggest a show of compassion with words, eye contact, and a smile.

When you’re dealing with life and death struggles, you want to know that the doctor you turn to for help has a heart.

There is a certain healing power in the human touch and the good vibe seems to go both ways.

Image credit: istockphoto.com

Ann Pietrangelo is the author of “No More Secs! Living, Laughing & Loving Despite Multiple Sclerosis.” She is a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors and a regular contributor to Care2 Healthy & Green Living and Care2 Causes. Follow on Twitter @AnnPietrangelo

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Howard C.

2:24PM PST on Dec 12, 2011

My doctor, hang on he is part of a group surgery so I don't often see the same one twice, might as well be a robots, some make it slightly less apparent that they have a busy workload than others but it always feels like being on a conveyor belt. We don't even have to 'register' with a receptionist when we arrive at the surgery, you just touch a screen to confirm your arrival.

send a green star

heather g.

1:08AM PST on Dec 4, 2011

I think most doctors are very scared that showing warmth or caring could be misconstrued, followed by reporting them for interfering with patients. It all depends on the country doctors are working in...

Robert P.

12:33AM PST on Dec 3, 2011

Unfortunatly, the last time I was touched by a doctor he said 'roll over and pull your knees up towards your chest', then he put on the glove.

Maija S.

12:46PM PST on Dec 1, 2011

I am blessed with perhaps the best doctor on Earth. He always scoots his stool on wheels in front of me and we talk knee to knee. When the situation is heavy, I've known him to hold my hand while I talk/cry. He touches my heart... by the caring in his eyes and his absolute attention. Always there's a hug and wonderful, caring words when I leave. Almost never have I felt rushed out. He's been my doctor for almost 22 years now, and is everyone in my family's doctor. This is a small town, so I know from talk that he is like this with everyone. As I said, I know I'm blessed.

Kimberly J.

8:53AM PST on Nov 30, 2011

Tom T, I also use a VA clinic & my provider always listens to my heart & lungs especially because I have asthma. My suggestion would be to go to the administration at your clinic, tell them that you have heart problems and your doctor never listens to your heart, etc and request a different provider. In my opinion, your doctor is acting in a very unprofessional manner. Good luck, I hope that are able to get a doctor who will do his or her job properly.

Nola g.

6:33AM PST on Nov 30, 2011

I have an awesome family dr. He's been our dr from over 30 yrs. Both my children havent ever had a different dr. My son had a crisis with his step son a few years back, he was so relieved that our family dr was on call. He gave my son a big hug that night. My son said it made all the difference in the world.

Chad A.

11:58PM PST on Nov 29, 2011

My mother is a psychiatric nurse and is invoolved with the health ministry for her church and wrote a wonderul piece on the value and meaning of touch for the bulletin. Since then I have noticed how most comforting situations somehow involve touch.

As for doctors and the whole concern with misinterpretation and lawsuits and all, I agree with Brenda's assessment of the medical staff who are more like friends. Touch is important, but the quality of the relationship is probably more important. In a good friendly relationship you welcome a supportive hand on your shoulder or a hug. In a bad relationship these things not only have different meaning but may not be welcome. Doctors should work on being human and forming real human connections with their patients. I say the same for educators, too (my profession).

Lynn C.

9:09PM PST on Nov 29, 2011

No thank you! You don't know where those hands have been. Just kidding. But in truth I don't like this sort of thing with a Dr. The meeting is a business proposition and I want to keep it on that level. I pay the bill - I want professional help.

Lisbett C.

7:01PM PST on Nov 29, 2011

Bravo for the doctors that aren't afraid to show they care!!! I know it's hard for them with the minefield of lawsuit crazed people mixed with bad press from the very few that have been innappropriate. But thinking back on my own hard 2 year health journey, I could REALLY have used a lot of hugs...even ONE!!! Instead I dealt with various doctors that were more concerned about their own image and pride instead of my true well being. I did not feel as if they were really on my side.

Alicia N.

3:08PM PST on Nov 29, 2011

we can be touched with kind words........ thanks for posting Dear Ann.