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Dog vs. Cat Diary











The Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities.

However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He has obviously gone mad.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.


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Cherise Udell

Cherise Udell is a mom, clean air advocate, anthropologist and feline aficionado with the nomadic habit of taking spontaneous sojourns to unusual destinations. Before her adventures in motherhood, she was an intrepid Amazon jungle guide equipped with a pair of sturdy wellingtons and a 24-inch machete, as well as a volunteer at a rainforest animal rescue center.


+ add your own
4:14PM PDT on Jun 17, 2015


4:48AM PDT on May 14, 2015


7:29PM PDT on Apr 17, 2015


10:26AM PDT on Mar 23, 2015

Thank you

5:59AM PST on Feb 20, 2015

I like zefrank's "Sad Cat Diary" on YouTube. I'll just leave that link here:

5:32AM PST on Feb 20, 2015

My son used to say we have a dog who thinks she's a cat and a cat who thinks she's a dog

5:14AM PST on Feb 6, 2015

The dog goes & thinks: "Hmmm, they feed me, they pet me, they must be Gods!"
The cat goes & thinks. "Hmmm, they feed me, they pet me, HEY! I MUST BE GOD!!!"

1:51PM PST on Jan 30, 2015


9:10AM PST on Jan 3, 2015

love that cat

5:47AM PST on Nov 17, 2014

ahahah cat...

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people are talking

I'm going to try the caponata, it sounds delicious.

If you are a new to having a cat companion or a dog person this is the info you need. Thanks Lisa fo…

I hope he treats her well - lovely thank you

Good reminder for those who are owned by a cat (or four, in my case).


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