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Embracing Sexual Fantasies

Given that our sexuality is one of the most mysterious ways that we relate to our partners, it isn’t all that surprising that our range of sexual fantasies is as rich and diverse as we are. Erotica and pornography explore many common fantasy themes of submission, dominance and even forms of pain infliction, which can be both arousing and disturbing at the same time. Just because you have fantasies about being sexually overpowered or raped does not mean that you actually want to have the experience.  Even the very common fantasy of having multiple sex partners doesn’t necessarily translate into an interest in playing it out in 3D.

Although I often feel like my husband is interacting with me in my fantasies, I rarely ever verbalize my thoughts. For other couples I know, they have elaborate games where they both share and agree to act out their fantasies together. When it comes to a shared fantasy life it is critical to be both conscious and communicative about your comfort level and your boundaries.  Being able to speak openly about the role of fantasy in lovemaking and agree on what should and shouldn’t be shared provides a respectful space for fantasy to exist between you.

Related:

Ask the Loveologist: Transcendent Sex
Discovering Passionate Touch

Read more: Ask the Loveologist, Health, Love, Relationships, Sex

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

17 comments

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3:59AM PDT on Sep 23, 2012

thanks for sharing

12:46AM PDT on Aug 5, 2012

Thanks for the article.

2:13PM PST on Jan 10, 2012

Share your fantasy with your partner .. make it a reality ...:)

2:01AM PST on Dec 31, 2011

There are a lot of things that are attractive as fantasy that I would never have an interest in translating into real life. Keeping the difference clear and undertanding the nature and source of your fantasy seems to be very important to me.

2:25PM PST on Dec 29, 2011

what about the ones with rape fantasies? when I see minors with rape fantasies. I am disturbed. am I a prude in thinking a 14 year old should not be into violent, rape fantasies involving thankfully fictional men? or is it normal and healthy for them to want Batman's "The Joker" power rape them? or should I continue to go "you are weird girl, go back to drawing ponies"

11:10AM PDT on Aug 15, 2011

While I believe fantacies are a good thing, one word of caution...If you are in a committed relationship, but have a crush on another person, constant fanticies about your crush could influence your real life thoughts about that person...Also be careful about telling your mate that you actually think of other people while making love..It can spark all kinds of jealously in some people.

6:00AM PDT on Jul 25, 2011

Fantasies are great...Life would be so boring without them...

1:49AM PDT on Jul 11, 2011

As long as all is well, nothing wrong with fantasies. Some of us are lucky enough to actually put them into use. As long as no one is neglected and the couple at hand can handle this, no problems.

10:07AM PDT on Jul 7, 2011

I wonder if that is why I write Erotica? thru my writing I can live the sexual pleasures I will never partake in real life.

6:31PM PDT on Jul 1, 2011

My fantasy is make love in a boat at midnight... I think it is so romantic... =

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