4 Reasons We Stay in Bad Relationships

My nieces are such a great resource for helping me to remember not only what I went through when I was dating, but we talk about things they are currently going through as well. They are in their mid 20′s, quite the intelligent young women filled with much more insight and the ability to be introspective than I was at their age.

The topic of conversation last night was breaking up and why we stay in relationships too long. Not only have I personally experienced being in a relationship WAY too long and where fighting was normal, but the up and down drama became a routine. Somehow we justify this because when it’s “good” it’s really good, but when it’s “bad” it makes your life miserable. And then there are the litany of excuses to stay. Here are just few we came up with.

1. Afraid you won’t find someone else that you will feel as familiar and comfortable with:
Not only will you absolutely find someone that you are comfortable with, but the right relationships for you will not be so difficult. Just think about the abundant amount of single people seeking a relationship. AND….remember, it’s NOT suppose to be that difficult. There is an ease and flow when you find the right partner for you. Paste this message on your bathroom mirror!

2. Afraid the other person will be better or “fixed” with someone else:
Think about this….So What?? Staying in this relationship only traps you both. You are not only dishonoring yourself by staying in the relationship, but you are keeping them in the relationship as well. If your partner will work better with someone else, this also means that YOU will work better with someone else. This also stems from your own insecurity and your ego. You do not need to obtain your own self importance by trying to fix someone else. Begin doing exercises to boost your own self worth and let go of the ego desire to control someone else’s life. It’s not your place to keep someone trapped when setting the relationship free could be the most honoring thing for both your lives.

Next: Two more reasons people overextend relationships and key things to remember

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Tammy T.

10:20PM PST on Dec 20, 2012

These "relationship" articles that I'm reading here tonight have been so helpful ... putting everything that's going on in my life into perspective, things that I couldn't put into words are jumping off the page at me .. thank-you very much!

December 20
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Heather M.

10:59PM PDT on Jul 7, 2012

I have also seen people leave marriages believing they could do better but not always seeing that they too had baggage. Then they have wandered from one man to another still not finding their Mr right.Obviously abuse is not acceptable in any relationship.

July 7
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JL A.

8:05AM PDT on Mar 26, 2012

thanks--so many societal pressures encouraging staying no matter what...nice to see affirmation of why leaving can be the best for all

March 26
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Cyrille D.

1:10PM PST on Feb 12, 2012

Maybe you're right. Maybe being unhappy, unsatisfied, hopeless and desillusionned should be more than enough to leave a dysfunctionnal relationship. But, I can't help thinking that the problem, the real problem, often is elsewhere. Of course, I'm not talking about a physically/mentally abusive relationship. That's totally different, and yes, if you find yourself in one of them (especially with children), you should leave as soon as possible. But, for the other type of "bad relationships", I cannot help thinking that there is a reason to everything and that, if you really try hard enough to understand and learn from what's wrong, you can probably do something to save the whole thing. But then again, it is much simpler to just pack up your bags and leave. I guess the fighter in me as a hard time considering that option. In all cases, such situations are very very traumatic and hard to live. I wish you all luck on your paths !

February 12
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Robyn L.

11:54PM PDT on Aug 5, 2011

As someone who stayed "too long," I also balance it with blessing my sweet mistakes.
Every choice we make makes us, and we get lessons and opportunities.

We did split after 13 years of marriage, and we both are better for it.
Using the other was a convenient excuse to not be what we could become.

But I bless him for every second, because I love who I am, and who he became... just not enough to be his partner again.

August 5
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Vanessa S.

2:02PM PDT on Jul 10, 2011

After leaving a 12 year relationship (8 years of it married), I totally can relate to this article. Every single day is a struggle. I totally agree with what Katarzyna said above, but I would also like to add that if there is EVER any abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, emotional) separate yourself from that individual as soon as safely possible. Even if you love them, and you believe that they love you. If you are really that important to each other, you will each get the psychological help needed to become emotionally healthy individuals that can carry on a healthy and happy relationship. Once you have left, never re-enter the relationship without a psychologist who knows with all honesty about the entire situation recommending that it will be safe to do so.

July 10
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jane r.

7:56PM PST on Mar 11, 2011

sent this to my daughters

March 11
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Camila K.

6:26PM PST on Mar 7, 2011

ending a relationship is like experiencing a death, or like doing a killing, even if its merciful for both of you, or just you. Its admitting that you were wrong. Its facing karma. Its traumatic and incredibly painful but a courageous act when it is done for good reason. I hate it.

March 7
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Lupe G.

1:45PM PST on Mar 7, 2011

I know from my experience I didn't get a chance to be my own person long enough to know what I was looking for & having had nothing but failed or "settled" relationships to compare my perspective to didn't help, but I was able to break the cycle. It's still a struggle but I am working each day to face the fears mentioned above because as is repeated; "it's not supposed to be that hard"!

Mahesh S.

5:38AM PST on Feb 15, 2011

thanks