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Facebook: Anxiety-Feeding Addiction

Facebook: Anxiety-Feeding Addiction

“There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it hardly becomes any of us to talk about the rest of us.” ~Edward Wallis Hoch


My teenage daughter has removed herself from Facebook. Her cold-turkey drop of a technology that had dominated many of her free hours caught my attention. “I noticed how anxious it makes me,” she replied simply when I asked why. “I just want to see what its like; to see if I miss it.” There was surprisingly little withdrawal she said enthusiastically, back to re-reading her favorite books. “I feel so much better not doing it. I don’t miss it at all.”

As the days passed, she shared a little more of what happened when she would be on Facebook that made her anxious. The ultimate life voyeur, many people post profoundly intimate details of their life, seemingly without understanding that it is now a broadcast medium. Teens make their plans and share their after-party stories for all those who are excluded to watch in despair.  Even many adults revisit their teen angst witnessing where they are excluded among their peers.

The anxiety-producing quality of Facebook was in fact deliberate. Founder Mark Zuckerberg, a social outcast at Harvard as well as a brilliant young programmer, designed the first Facebook in retaliation of all the girls that spurned him and for all the frat parties he was excluded from. It became popular overnight because, in our deepest and most vulnerable place what we are all trying to achieve is a sense of belonging. We all need a tribe.

Our need to belong is matched only by our need to be seen. This isn’t new. Gossip and voyeurism have influenced history and society at every level since recorded time. We study each other’s lives, comparing ourselves and talking about each other because there is nothing more interesting or instructive than our human stories. Tragically, combining these two needs in a fast, glossy digital form like Facebook is a sure recipe for not only losing touch with the very needs that pulled you in to begin with, but walking away with less than you entered.

It is no wonder that Facebook, which is nothing more than a screen destination that has been loaded voluntarily with our most precious photographs, epitaphs and stories of our personal lives is one of the most valued stock offerings in history. A nerdy, social reject tapped into the most highly prized, yet simultaneously vulnerable need of humanity to feel accepted into the tribe of other humans. Facebook is nothing except what we give it of ourselves and yet we all give the wealth of our intimate lives to the sales and marketing mechanism of digital advertisers to sell us what they think we want.

Facebook friends are different from real friends. Real friends are the ones who know your number and have usually been to your home at least once. Real friends have seen you laugh and cry about things that actually happened to you in your daily life. They didn’t need to read about it on your page. Real friends have real time for you. They help you move or drop your old couch off at the dump, or sit with you in a yard sale. By all means, grief  is a reasonable response when a real friend lets you down, but not when Facebook friends don’t invite you to their random margarita event that might not even have happened except on a Facebook wall.

So next time you think about going on Facebook to update your status, call a real friend instead. Take my daughter’s lead – take a Facebook Fast and see if you don’t feel better.

Read more: Addiction, Anxiety, Blogs, Green, Making Love Sustainable, Technology, , , ,

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


+ add your own
1:30AM PST on Nov 15, 2014

Live long and prosper

8:21AM PDT on Jul 31, 2012

There are some people who are totally obsessed by Facebook but most of us just keep in contact with people that we already know and there are some who find long distance phone calls rather expensive. There is always Skype and others but FB is a diversion that can be fun and entertaining.
Just be careful what you put on it or make sure that you are using privacy levels properly to ensure that pedophiles and the like are not downloading photos of children-one can change permissions so that only your friends can see your photos and private information.
Also, if you post a photo be aware that FB can use the photo in their advertising in any way they see fit-many do not read the fine print and one woman is currently suing FB for using her photo in an ad without asking her--they do not need to -- read that fine print of user agreement.

As long as you don't spent endless hours on FB, who really cares. And then there are lonely people who are shutins because of illness and other circumstances and if they want to spend their days and evenings this way, leave them alone. For the rest of us, we do take time out to drive the rural roads, smell the roses and get on with other aspects of our lives.

2:11PM PDT on Apr 23, 2012

I mainly use facebook to keep in touch with family.

3:10PM PDT on Apr 20, 2012

I am annoyed with Care2 in that each time I add a comment they try to get me to post it to Farce book, my comments are only for here, if I want to post to FB I will but have to remain logged out otherwise it post without asking to my great annoyance.
1 time somebody hacked in & posted something unsuitable in my name on FB.

12:47PM PDT on Apr 20, 2012

Facebook itself it's not good or bad, it's the way we use it.

12:47PM PDT on Apr 20, 2012

Facebook itself it's not good or bad, it's the way we use it.

11:19AM PDT on Apr 17, 2012

I have never "joined" FB, and do not intend to ever do so. I prefer face to face encounter with real human beings. Nothing to hide behind, nothing anonymous in real life.

6:46AM PDT on Apr 16, 2012

Thats why I prefer Care2!!!

7:17AM PDT on Apr 15, 2012

good to keep in mind!

6:39AM PDT on Apr 15, 2012

Facebook is a social media that is what you make of it. Some of us who are disabled and can't get out or have no "real" friends value our "virtual" friends. If you are "addicted" to Facebook, that sounds like a psychological issue to me.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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