Feeling Unloved

One of the worst parts of suffering a great loss is the feeling of utter isolation. The problem of loneliness, which exists for countless people, requires deeper healing than simply seeking out company. Loneliness can happen in a crowd and may feel most intense when you find yourself alone on a packed city street.

As a child, it was easier to cure loneliness, because the presence of a parent was enough to offer reassurance. As an adult, loneliness becomes more existential–it feels as if you have been abandoned, yet you cannot say by whom. If you suffer from loneliness, have the intention to befriend yourself; ask for spirit to comfort you with its presence.

Children need constant reassurance that they are loved because their sense of self is undeveloped and therefore fragile. By hearing “I love you,” they gain a core of self-worth. As long as this core is strong, a person can withstand the loss of love, even though it may bring intense pain.

When the core of self-love has become too weak, despair is the result. In some people it was never strong enough to begin with; in others the intensity of grief has proved too much. Ask spirit to come in and repair your innate sense of being loved. Affirm today that you can feel loved within yourself, even after a great loss.

Adapted from The Deeper Wound: Recovering the Soul from Fear and Suffering, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2001).


Kathy Perez
Kathy Johnson4 years ago

I was in foster care for 6 years, and I knew early on that my parents abandoned me, and wanted nothing to do with their children. That pain followed me throughout my entire childhood. Foster care did not ease that pain, but amplified it, because after 6 families I came to feel that I was worthless, and worried that there was something inside me that I couldn't see, but that everyone else could, that made me impossible to love. When I was adopted, I did not trust that these new people loved me. I spent 12 years sure they would change their minds, and every argument or disagreement seemed like a sign that my suspicions were correct. I still struggle with feelings of low worth, even though i have grown a lot since. Confronting my bio parents helped tremendously, but did not change the fact that I grew up unwanted. It is something I have to work past every day (although finally it seems I have more good days than bad) Having my son was the best cure, bc he loves me every day, and is the only family i have. He is someone I can give all the love to that I've ever held back.

Patricia H.
Patricia H4 years ago

I have the love of God

Charlene Rush
Charlene Rush5 years ago

'Feeling unloved' has been the cause of leading many people into negative social behaviors.
It's controversial, whether or not, therapy can correct this condition, although, some obviously, handle it bettter than others.

I would much prefer, seeing an unwanted pregnancy aborted, than a child born into this world, who feels unwanted and unloved.
Let's face it, there are a lot of females with unfertilized eggs and a lot of males with unused sperm, when mated, can create remarkable babies.

For those who suffer under this condition, they have my upmost concern. I wouldln't wish this circumstance on anyone.

Margaret Paddock
M A Paddock5 years ago

Beautiful article Deepak. Thank you.
I used to feel that way for 60 years and finally realized that yes, spirit, my God loves me no matter what and is always there to help me. This is more that any human can do and if he loves me that much then I am truly blessed. Just knowing that has helped me to love myself as loneliness had taken that away from me also. Now I am enjoying life more than ever.

Dot A.
Dot A5 years ago

- to be clear -
the wasted life reference is to the alcoholic demise of the woman who mostly failed her role as a mother to you

Dot A.
Dot A5 years ago

Congratulations and I commend you, dear Kate B., for sharing your very heartbreaking and moving life story. I know your wounds have left a lasting emotional scar. And you have found great courage to bring new life into this world and seek to heal through the love you feel for them. You are one of life's true heroines! Such tragedies could be avoided, or so we wish, and you have displayed your soul in this attempt to overcome the evils of a wasted life. Thank you,Kate, for being so open, trusting, and generous with this fragile wound you carry. Others WILL find hope in reading the strength you display here!

Rosie Jolliffe
Rosie Lopez5 years ago

wow thank you!

Vicky P.
Vicky P5 years ago


Kate B.
Kathleen B5 years ago

My mom was very ill when she abandoned me & my older brother. Child welfare stepped in when neighbors complained that my mother was leaving us alone while frequently leaving us, night after night to fend for ourselves. My mother was a suffering alcoholic.

I mourned her (tho she was alive & still imbibing across the country). I sincerely believed all I wanted from life was what I saw everyone else had a mother.
My mother & I attempted reconciliations many times, but the alcoholism enraged me.

My mother is passes now, and I still struggle to forgive. I realize now that my life would have been an even hotter hell than I thought i lived through, if my Mom had got a grip & made an attempt (I hold that against her too).
I had girl friends with alcoholic mothers, one of them had a mother who'd walk down the street, urinating on herself, everyone laughed as she stumbled from bar to bar. Talking crazy & when coming upon her daughter wanting to kiss & make excruciating scenes.

So I see now it was a betterment of my life that the mother/daughter bond was shattered at two rather than dragging on til I was in my 30's - 40's.

I felt unloved. I was unloved. I tried to make my life better for me & my children, didn't always succeed. But that first cut was surely the deepest.

Joe R.
Joe R5 years ago

Thanks Deepak.