I didn’t take time. I didn’t take the space. I didn’t create the kind of space where enough silence existed for me to actually read. I did all of the things that were loud and flashy and demanding of my time, and didn’t make time for the quiet, beautiful, sacred things. Facebook has that number in the little red box in the upper left hand corner t0 tell me what I need to do. Email dings to let me know it desires my attention. The phone rings. The children speak. The litter box stinks and the cats meow to let me know about their unmet needs.
But, what about mine. I have a need for peace. I need space, time, and silence to feed my mind, body, and spirit. Everyone knows that it comes down to this. I’m not offering something new here… except, perhaps, the thing that makes it possible for us to finally say, “No, it’s my turn.”
For me, that was hitting some sort of reading rock bottom. I grew sick of my own excuses. I couldn’t keep seeing the books, claiming to love the books, longing to be with the books. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t stand myself anymore. It was the integrity piece. I had to either stop claiming to be that girl, or I had to go be her.
I had to release some of the people pleasing, to-do listing, mind-numbing media overwhelming junk. I had to bypass the low hanging fruit on the concentration tree of my life. I had to get the ladder and climb higher, crawl out on a great branch with a freaking book and dive in. I had to read and wallow in the truly endless possibilities that spring from my love of books.
A few years ago, I started reading again. At first, just a short one on vacation but I finished it. Then, another in the evenings before bed. I finished it. Then, another and another. In time, I’ve taken back my mind, made room for my inner life-long learner to thrive once more.
Yesterday, I read an entire book. It’s a preview copy of a wonderful book for women with AD/HD. Today, I’m starting another one. This one is an advance copy of a Feng Shui book for me to review. I can’t wait to see what kind of space and life-changing treasures it holds.
Most of all, I’m just happy to be home.