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Real Success: Love Or Money?

Real Success: Love Or Money?

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.” -The Dalai Lama XIV

It is an odd and painful irony that often just as things are really coming together successfully in life, we often lose touch with the love that had inspired us to get there. We expect just the opposite. In our longings for whatever we aspire to, we believe wholeheartedly that achieving our dreams and succeeding in our plans will bring us only happiness. The reality is just the opposite. More often than not, great success and windfall opportunity doesn’t connect us more deeply to what we love doing or the people we love. Rather, it increases our stress levels and turns our heartfelt work into a need to prove something or, worse still, a fear of failure.

I feel like a poster child for this success boomerang effect having recently been selected for a remarkable distribution growth opportunity for Good Clean Love. It’s no wonder people warn “be careful what you wish for…” because most of us associate success with singular, simple emotions of happiness, accomplishment or pride. Succeeding is in fact as complex an emotional process as its opposite: failure.

Culturally we promote the collective fantasy of overnight success, akin to a stroke of luck or a moment of good fortune. In fact, any true success story mostly bears witness to the intense amount of attention, focus and perseverance that its fulfillment required.  I have been loving, or at least seriously attentive to, my mission at Good Clean Love for ten years and stayed with it by redefining my concept of success by counting lives inspired by love. In addition, I am also counting growth curves on an Excel sheet. Suddenly, with the opportunity to experience both, I have to admit being surprised by how quickly I could lose the deeper connection to my work.

It is insidious, this boomerang effect. I didn’t notice how all the little details that only recently were the petty annoyances of any business endeavor had become so weighty on my shoulders.  I wasn’t conscious of how my sense of time had subtly shifted into a continuous pressure by an underlying urgency to get things done.  I couldn’t have named the moment when my excitement about this new opportunity was replaced with a sticky mix of anxiety and self-importance. Most unfortunate, what was lost momentarily was my own connection about what I love to do and the deep why that had generated the passion to succeed in the first place.

Lucky for me, we had a little sun break in a long string of dreary days that got me out walking in the woods with a dear friend.  She listened attentively as I listed my collected accounts of stress. Then, as we neared home, she gave me a great gift.  She said, “You know though, that the only thing that matters, that has any durability in this world, has nothing to do with success or power… It is only love.  All the rest crumbles; even the greatest empires.  It is only love that changes the world for good.” Of course, I knew this, I have heard myself say it a million times, but yesterday as the sky turned my favorite color of evening rose, I got it again.

The doing has to be for love. This is where it has to start and, at the end of time, it is the only finish line. Making a love story successful whether in a business or in a relationship is about coming back over and over again to the work, for its own sake.

Oprah, has this to say on real success: “I’ve come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that’s as unique as a fingerprint – and that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service, working hard, and also allowing the energy of the universe to lead you.”  This is a success model I can believe in.

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


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1:31PM PDT on Jul 4, 2015

I found it all to true that you can become consumed by chasing your passions. In breaking through the glass ceiling and ending up earning in the top 1/2 of 1% of women executives, I lost touch with my kids, my husband, my life. I now define success as that all too fragile balancing act where you have enough, but also love enough.

7:33PM PST on Mar 4, 2013

Loved your post Carolyn N., sounds very true. If we start from Love and return to Love, Love being a word for Source, then it's no wonder everything must be done with love, or the result won't bring fulfilment. Long ago I turned away from doing things 'just for money' because most of what was being sold as 'The Good Life' looked shallow and boring and what was required to achieve it cost way too much time, energy, resources, and numbing and dumbing down. So, I've lived way below the poverty level all my life, built a house as I could aford or find the materials so there is no morgage, drove used cars, shopped at yard sales, never had a credit card and don't go to Dr.s. But, I'm probably the happiest person I know, I've created beauty and function out of other peoples cast offs, and some how, the things I really NEED nearly always come to me when I need them. I feel rich in every way but money. And if money wanted to just come to me I would infuse love into it too before I spent it on some wonderful thing I've always WANTED but could never aford,and sent it back out into the world. I guess my motto is "Simplify, beautify, streamline, and leave things always better and more efficient than before.
Love is a very, very good thing.

3:10AM PST on Feb 23, 2013

There's something money can't buy

3:29PM PST on Feb 21, 2013

Useful article.Thanks for sharing

6:20PM PST on Feb 20, 2013


1:59PM PST on Feb 19, 2013


8:47AM PST on Feb 19, 2013


5:25AM PST on Feb 19, 2013


3:39AM PST on Feb 19, 2013

I believe in love and passion not money and personal success. Since I retired I often think back about my beautiful memories of passion and wonderful people whom I met in my life during my travels. I wish to go back in time and relive these precious moments.

1:41AM PST on Feb 19, 2013

Great reminder:) Thank you!

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