I did my Ask The Girlfriend Gyno chat in front of 400 students at Sonoma State University this week, and during my talk, I spoke about how I believe talking about your vagina can be very healing. After all, not only is the vagina where we create life and experience pleasure; itís also where many traumas happen — sexual molestation, rape, abortion, childbirth traumas, painful experiences at the gynecologistís office, and traumatic sex. When we donít release these traumas, they fester and manifest in ways we might not even associate with the original trauma. They might express as depression, eating disorders, or chronic pelvic pain. But when we talk about our vaginas, when we seek solace in the company of others, we set ourselves free.
After the talk, dozens of college students came up to me to thank me and give me a hug. Several said, ďIíve been molested and your words were so healing.Ē And one of them asked me if I would be willing to write a post about girls who have been violated, either through childhood sexual abuse or rape. And so this oneís for you, S, and all the others out there who have been hurt.
An Open Letter To Those Who Have Been Violated
Iím so very, very sorry for what you experienced. I wish I could wave a magic wand and take it all away, but since I canít, I can only outstretch my arms to tell you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you did absolutely nothing wrong. You may not believe me. You may have been telling yourself stories for decades — stories about how you asked for it, how you dressed inappropriately, how you led someone on, how you drank too much, how you should have been more cautious, how you could have prevented what happened. But these are only stories. Nobody ever deserves to be abused, no matter what. You did nothing wrong. You are innocent.
I am blessed to have never been molested or raped, but sadly, there are too few people like me out there. The statistics show that about 1/3 of women in the US have been sexually abused in some way. In places like Africa, this number may be much higher. Do you understand what that means? That means that when you go to the grocery store and look at the women standing in line, one in three of the women you see have been violated sexually. Which means that you are SO not alone. Everywhere you look someone else has suffered the way you have. And you donít need to carry that by yourself any longer.