Have you ever let fear and self-doubt hold you back from launching a new business, or starting a creative project, or leaving a toxic relationship? It feels really defeating, doesnít it? Like youíre drowning. Trapped. Enslaved.
How many times have you decided to move towards a dream, only to sabotage your own efforts? How often have you let self-doubt, fears, and other limiting beliefs get between you and your goal? What if the path between you and your dream was free and clear of any self-imposed obstacles? What if the only hurdles you had to jump over were real ones, rather than ones youíve erected yourself? How would that feel?
Free. Liberating. Unshackled. Joyful.† Hopeful.
Iím all about teaching people how to live fearlessly and get out of their own way, so they can dream big, release limiting beliefs, be UNAPOLOGETICALLY authentic, have faith, overcome fears, and GO FOR IT.† Doing so heals self-defeating wounds in a powerful way, and from this place of genuine healing, you can achieve ANYTHING.
I Believe In Me. I Believe In You.
Iím kind of an oddball when it comes to this issue, because for some reason I canít quite pinpoint, Iíve always known, deep in the root of me, that I could do anything I decided to do. Those who know me well know Iím about to launch forward towards a dream when I say ďJust watch me.Ē I become like a heat-seeking missile, totally 100 percent focused on achieving whatever Iíve decided I want to pursue.† Go to med school? Check. Become full partner? Check. Get married? Have baby? Start website. Publish book? Check. Check. Check. Check.
So What’s The Secret To My Success?
I get out of my own way. Pretty much always have. Not that I donít have other faults- I do! But I donít erect self-sabotaging barriers that make achieving my goals harder than they already are.
What do I mean by self-sabotaging barriers? Iím talking about the limiting beliefs and self-defeating behaviors we create that keep our dreams from coming true. Letís look at the difference between real obstacles and the false ones that exist only in our minds.
Dream Real Obstacle False Obstacles
|Going back to school to achieve a professional dream||4 years of grad school training that takes time, costs money, and demands discipline||Limiting belief ďYouíre not smart enough.Ē
Self-sabotaging behavior: Missing the deadline for the GMAT (or MCAT or LSAT).
|Becoming a published author||Getting a literary agent and publisher||Limiting belief ďNobody gets an agent or a publisher. There are too many people with better books.Ē
Self-sabotaging behavior: Never even trying to get an agent or get your book published.
|Finding your soulmate||Meeting the right person||Limiting belief ďHeís just not out there. Iím going to have to settle.Ē
Self-sabotaging behavior: Dumping your date before he has a chance to dump you.
|Starting your own business||Creating a website, finding funding, building clientele||Limiting belief: I canít afford to start my own business.
Self-sabotaging behavior: Not creating the website because you canít afford a web designer.
Next: How Do You Eliminate the False Obstacles?
When it comes to achieving big rock star dreams (or even itty bitty baby-sized dreams), real obstacles are inevitable. You will face difficult tasks, financial issues, time constraints, relationship challenges, and all kinds of other unavoidable obstacles. If youíre going to achieve what you set out to accomplish, you need to save your energy for the real ones, rather than spinning your wheels fussing with the false ones.
So what can you do to avoid stumbling over false obstacles?
- Believe that you deserve what you desire. Lack of self-worth is your biggest enemy when it comes to making your dreams come true. Sometimes I wonder if God sits there peeved and fuming because we’re all part of this grand creation and yet we don’t appreciate or value ourselves. See yourself as the reflection of the Divine that you are. Love yourself as much as you love your spouse and your children. Know that youíre valuable, youíre worth it, and you deserve to have good things happen to you.
- Identify your limiting beliefs. We all have them. They tend to come from the voice of our fear — the part of our brainstem I like to call The Gremlin.
- Question your limiting beliefs. When The Gremlin spouts evil-nothings in your ear, question what you hear. If The Gremlin says, ďYouíre not smart enough,Ē question whether this is really true.
- Detach from the voice of your fear. When The Gremlin spouts off with limiting beliefs, remember that this voice is not YOU. Itís just fear, which is the opposite of love. Dissociate from The Gremlin.
- Get to know your authentic self, the Divine spark, your Inner Pilot Light, the real, unapologetic YOU. True confidence resides there, not in the fears, doubts, and insecurities that drag us down. Listen to the voice of your truth — and believe it. Call upon the pilot light within you, that authentic, perfect, capable, whole, divine being.
- Tune your radar to the self-sabotaging behaviors that erect false obstacles. When you see yourself engaging in these behaviors, send The Gremlin to time out and call upon your Inner Pilot Light. If youíre unconscious of the self-sabotaging behaviors, youíre doomed to repeat them.
- Be infinitely compassionate with yourself. Youíre bound to screw up. Youíll have limiting beliefs. Youíll engage in self-sabotaging behaviors. Forgive yourself, but keep coming back to that Inner Pilot Light.
- Free yourself from fear. Youíll never get rid of the fear. No matter how practiced you are at taking leaps of faith and going for it, The Gremlin will keep muttering in your ear. But you be free of the fear just by deciding to be. Itís a conscious choice. Learning to dissociate from the fear helps you assess the fears and learn to ignore the ones that merely hold you back.
- Stop procrastinating. Some goals require simple ass-in-chair disciplined action. Stop putting off until tomorrow what you can do today. Just do it.
- Cultivate stick-to-it-iveness. If you have too many ideas but lack focus and follow through, itís hard to move forward. If youíre only mildly interested in achieving a goal, youíll do whatís easy or convenient. If youíre committed to sticking with it, youíll do whatever it takes. Focus.
- Let go of your baggage. Maybe you failed before. Maybe your mother convinced you youíd never amount to much. Let it go. It no longer serves you and need not hold you back. Write down whatís holding you back on slips of paper and burn them. Be free.
- Believe in your success. If you canít dream it, you canít do it.† Donít wait for others to validate you. Be your own best cheerleader. You will face real obstacles, and false ones will poke their little heads up like moles threatening to ruin your well-tended lawn. But tend your Inner Pilot Light with love. When you love yourself and believe in yourself, you can do ANYTHING.
Do you have a goal? Grab some pom poms and jump up and down. You can DO this. I KNOW you can. It doesnít even have to take long. When you get rid of false obstacles, let go of worry and anxiety, and focus on overcoming the real obstacles, positive change can happen lickety-split. Iíve watched my coaching clients go through this process and it blows me away how quickly transformation can happen when people quit erecting false obstacles. Talk about going from zero to sixty!
You donít have to wait any longer to bring your dreams to life.
If you can get in touch with the authentic essence of who you really are, give yourself permission to dream big, believe in your heart that you deserve to have your dreams come true, send your inner critic to time out, release limiting beliefs that no longer serve you, stop self-sabotaging behavior, let go of caring what everybody thinks, have faith, and — most critically — overcome your fears — you can HEAL, and from this place of healing, you can do ANYTHING.
Not convinced? Join rock star bloggers (this Monday, January 31) Chris Guillebeau of The Art of Non-Conformity and Danielle LaPorte of White Hot Truth when the three of us come together for a free teleseminar about Getting Out of Your Own Way. Details here!
What about you? How do you get in your way? What works to help you get out of your own way? What tips would you share with others?