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Give Each Other a Little S-P-A-C-E!

Give Each Other a Little S-P-A-C-E!

Let me begin with the beautiful words of Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, on Marriage:

Let there be spaces in your togetherness

…And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

All romantic relationships kick off with a natural desire to be together 24/7/365. But slowly, the passion ‘settles,’ creating a little breathing space, so essential for true and lasting  companionship.

Noted Indian Fashion Designer Reynu Taandon, who recently celebrated her 27th wedding anniversary, says, “My husband and I are hardly together during the day, and sometimes we are not even in the same room or doing the same things, but I know he is there for me and he knows I’m there for him. It’s easy to give each other space when you have the faith that you are there for each other.”

Are You Soulmates or Cellmates?

Is your partner/spouse/friend always asking where you are going and when you’ll be back? Are you doing the same to him/her?

Do you always enjoy doing the same things together, or do you often feel the need to go off on your own and explore a new place or activity?

Do you find yourself wanting to share your time and feelings with someone else? Do you suspect the same thing is happening with your partner?

Do you get upset when he watches sports? Does he get restless when you’re on the phone for too long?

If you’ve answered  ‘Yes’ to one or more, the signs are clear: one of you is taking up too much ‘emotional space,’ in the relationship. And it’s not just your spouse or partner with whom you’ll face space issues. Your endless devotion and attention can make your kids start feeling suffocated, too.

Hey, It’s Okay To…

  • Want to spend some time alone.
  • Go out with your friends once in a while. Friendships need nurturing, too!
  • Let your spouse say ‘No’ if he doesn’t want to go out for a movie with you or have people over for dinner.
  • Let him enjoy a guilt-free evening out with his own friends

Give Each Other Space

  • Don’t always be judgmental about your partner’s friends, opinions and personal preferences.
  • Don’t take it personally when he or she wants some ‘time and space’ to himself. It’s a natural, totally human need. Look within: there are times when you need it, too.
  • Discuss, don’t dictate. Or be dictated to.

Remember, if you find yourself wishing he were with you when you’re away, it’s a healthy sign that you are giving each other adequate space. If the opposite happens, time to run—in opposite directions, for a while, at least!

Shelf Help

How to Be An Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving (David Richo). This sensitive book outlines five essential elements of mature love: Attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowance.

Advice from a ‘Love Guru’

Rinetta Paries, an American Psychiatric Association certified Relationship Coach, says, “Create a vacuum, so that your partner has something to step into.  This means you stop trying to create the connection, stop trying to be the center of attention. Step off the relationship stage. Let it be empty for a bit. It will feel strange and uncomfortable, but it is necessary discomfort. If you do not do this, your partner may look for more connection elsewhere.”

 

 

Related:
Why Being Alone Is Good For Your Relationship
A Room of One’s Own
Healing With the Space Between

Read more: Dating, Life, Love, Relationships, Self-Help, , , , , , , ,

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Shubhra Krishan

Writer, editor and journalist Shubhra Krishan is the author of Essential Ayurveda: What it is and what it can do for you (New World Library, 2003), Radiant Body, Restful Mind: A Woman's book of comfort (New World Library, 2004), and The 9 to 5 Yogi: How to feel like a sage while working like a dog (Hay House India, 2011).

10 comments

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2:41PM PDT on Sep 17, 2012

Thank you for reminding us that it is OK to ask for & need personal space. A true loving relationship does not mean one must be constantly together, doing the same things or agreeing on the same issues. A wonderful relationship means it is ok to be yourself , not what the other person wants you to be. If that is the case, you are right to walk away.

7:49AM PDT on Sep 13, 2012

Thanks for sharing.

10:33AM PDT on Sep 9, 2012

ty

5:03AM PDT on Sep 9, 2012

the rest of the quote from Yogananda:

"When the ego begins, through practical sympathy, to feel itself in other bodies, it begins to regain its for-gotten omnipresence. Unlike the shortsighted worldly man, the divine soul works not only for himself as one body, but also for himself in the body of others. You must learn to seek nourishment, prosperity, healing, or wisdom, not for yourself in one body only, but for your-self in all bodies.

The social way of developing cosmic consciousness is to love your family, neighbors, country, and the whole world as yourself. You are the king, and the kingdom of your love includes not only all human beings, but also animals, flowers, stars, and all living creatures. Love all men as your brothers, love all women as your sisters, love all elderly men and women as your parents, and love all human beings—the black, brown, yellow, white, red, and olive-colored races—as your friends and brothers. This is the social way of attaining cosmic con-sciousness."

http://www.crystalclarity.com/content.php?type=sample&code=BSR

5:00AM PDT on Sep 9, 2012

thanks Shubhra - a little bit on this topic i think from Yogananda:

"Be neither unduly familiar with, nor indifferent to, a friend. Do not limit him by telling him, “I know all about you.” Respect and love grow among friends with time. “Familiarity breeds contempt” between those who are mutually useless, selfish, material-minded, and unpro-ductive of inspiration or self-development. The greater the mutual service, the deeper the friendship. "

"To attract friends you must possess the qualities of a real friend. Blind friendship may end in sudden, blind hate. The building of wisdom and spiritual understanding by mu-tual effort can bind two souls by the laws of everlasting divine love. Human love and friendship have their basis in ser-vice on the physical, mental, or business plane. They are short-lived and conditional. Divine love has its foun-dation in service on the spiritual and intuitional planes, and is unconditional and eternal."

"Avoid doing anything that brings harm to yourself or to another. If you are self-indulgent, or if you encourage a friend in his vices, you are an enemy disguised as a friend. By being true to yourself and a true friend to others, you gain the friendship of God. Your love will expand until it becomes the one Love which flows through all hearts."

"When the ego begins, through practical sympathy, to feel itself in other bodies, it begins to regain its for-gotten omnipresence. Unlike the shortsighted worldly man, the

5:35PM PDT on Sep 8, 2012

Thanks

4:13PM PDT on Sep 8, 2012

Thank you.

3:33PM PDT on Sep 8, 2012

Thanks

2:09PM PDT on Sep 8, 2012

Well, it is proven that in order to stay attractive to each other, you should do different things. How can you be fascinated with someone who is always there, always with you, doing the same stuff, being the same as you? This is great maybe for a deep friendship but is this so good for intimate relationship? You need to be different in order to feel attracted. When you are gone for some hours, you give the other person time to think of you, to miss and a need to share what's just happened.

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