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Gloves and Diapers Come Off
Summer is a time of relative liberation and freedom, especially when it comes to attire. The heat, and the general lax nature of the season render clothing perpetually casual and sometimes entirely optional. This little fact about summer is something well-known by parents of diaper-clad children and is often regarded as open season for potty training: A time when diapers are filed away (hopefully for good) and carpets take on a new patina in select locations.
Ask any parent of school age children about when the optimal time to potty train is, and they will invariably say summer. The general advice goes something like this, “let them run around naked until they realize they are soiling themselves and the house.” Naked is as naked does. For some parents this is emancipation, for others it is relinquishing control and committing oneself to obsessive spot cleaning and deodorizing.
No matter how you position yourself, potty training (a horrendous misnomer as its implication relegates the child to the level of domestic animal needing to be housebroken) is a natural fit for summer. Many preschools encourage/require parents to commit to a foolproof potty training discipline, as administrators and teachers alike are not fond of the potential interruption that is changing diapers. This fact just seems to sweeten the deal and position summer as a season of familial ambition.
So how to do it? I have known people that have resorted to everything from three-color poster boards replete with glitter stickers and digitally manipulated magnets, to gratuitous candy and toy bribes, that in my opinion set a bad precedent. The obvious reality is that no two children are exactly alike, so what works for one may not at all work for another. I am happy to report that my son adapted quite well to the task with virtually little parental wheedling and no significant awards, other than the satisfaction of not sitting in your own filth. However, I know parents of children who flirt a bit with the idea of loosing the diaper, and then summarily revert back to diapers. As you could imagine, this difficult learning process can easily become a test of wills between parent and child.
I refuse to take on the stance of expert, but it seems to me that there are a few key ideas to bring with you to the bathroom when trying to get your child to do what they need to do:
Think of much of it as cultivating an attitude, rather than a result. You want your child to feel a sense of independence from this rite of passage, and not a sense that they are trying to please you, live up to expectations, or simply get the pee in the bowl. Emphasize that this is their project and their challenge and they will eventually own it.
Approach the challenge as a collaborative effort, with your child being the ultimate winner of the gold (forgive the pun).
Try not to get too emotionally involved with the task at hand. Too much excitement, as well as too much disappointment is libel to create anxiety along with some interesting Freudian complications in the not too distant future.
I am sure many of you have a lot more to say on the matter. Feel free to share your wisdom, horror stories, thoughts and good humor on the subject. We would love to hear from you.
Eric Steinman is a freelance writer based in Rhinebeck, N.Y. He regularly writes about food, music, art, architecture and culture and is a regular contributor to Bon Appétit among other publications.
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4 comments
add your comment »I totally agree with letting your child be naked and making sure there is no pressure. Kids are always wanting to grow up with or without our help. My son pretty much gave up diapers on his own. It was summer and he was 2 1/2 so he was definitely ready. Now he still asked, "Can I be naked for a little while?" and its so nice to tell him yes, or course, without having to remind him that if he needs to go, he has to tell someone. Instead, he can just got right into the bathroom (or to pee in a private spot in the grass) and go himself! He loves the independence!
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A naked baby is a happy baby in my house! Getting to know his own genitals and what comes out of them is helping my 16 month old get accustomed to potty time. It is wonderful to save a diaper or two when I can as well. Mopping up with a washcloth doesn't bother me one bit and he is quite surprised at his own ability to pee.
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My son was 2+ and it was summer, but back then we had training pants. They were wonderful. I waited till he was ready to be like his daddy and that worked. I was able to stay home with him, so there was no worry about a day care situation. I think today, there is too much pressure to make our little ones grow up too soon.
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One of the best bits of advice I am happy to share is.... a baby that has been carried for their primal year takes to the liberation of a diaper easily. Carrying your little one is the 'sine qua non' of natural behaviour and the best possible 'classroom' for a developing mind and body. As we carry them while doing our daily tasks they experience joys ahead (and sorrows) but in the case of elimination....we know their body extremely well from physical closeness. We know the gurgle, the flatulence and the intimate wafting...results of gastro-intestinal movement. It is easy to know when their body is ready for 'change'. Timing is easy and the patience required sitting is minimal as the timing is accurate. Both my children became proficient quickly and the rythyms and routine established with minimal impact to family, carpet or fresh air. It is a natural consequence and reward; for offering them the 'best seat' in the house during the first and most vital year of life when vast development takes place in their brains. We reap the benefit life long from our dedication in the first year or so. Like Eric I don't profess to be the expert. But I know what worked for us and recommend it to all. You have nothing to lose and tons to gain. Clean carpets and car seats are just the trivial beginings. Independence, larger brain mass and IQ to match, scholarships, athletes and damn fine people are some payoffs from meeting our little one’s survival needs, in the first year of life.
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