Welcome to “part 3″ of learning how to break the dysfunctional dating cycle. For those of you just joining us, there are two previous articles that I would suggest reading to bring you up to speed. For the previous posts click here.
Following up with the last article in making a list of all the qualities you desire in a partner will come in handy. You will begin to date with more awareness. After I made my list, I remember going on those 20 minute coffee dates and being able to easily know who would be a good choice for me.
We have all probably had the dating experience where we are wildly drawn to some people and not so much to others. Why is this? Why do we find ourselves having this chemical pull and crazy chemistry? And after we spend some time with the crazy chemistry person — that we swear to have a long lost soulmate connection to — things fall apart. What happened to all the chemistry and connection?
After reading Harville Hendrix’s book, Keeping the Love You Find, I came to realize that his ideas were the best explanation of this phenomenon. I kept getting involved with the same man over and over again, but he had a different face. What was the deal? Paraphrasing Hendrix’s concept, we are attracted to those people who have the negative traits of our major caretakers in order to heal those wounds from childhood.
Let me explain this another way. Do your relationships and dates all have similar negative behavior? Do they have similar qualities but with a different face? If the answer is yes, there is hope to break this pattern.
Next: Make a list to break the dysfunctional dating cycle!