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Great Chemistry? Think Again!

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Great Chemistry? Think Again!

Welcome to “part 3″ of learning how to break the dysfunctional dating cycle.  For those of you just joining us, there are two previous articles that I would suggest reading to bring you up to speed.  For the previous posts click here.

Following up with the last article in making a list of all the qualities you desire in a partner will come in handy. You will begin to date with more awareness. After I made my list, I remember going on those 20 minute coffee dates and being able to easily know who would be a good choice for me.

We have all probably had the dating experience where we are wildly drawn to some people and not so much to others.  Why is this?  Why do we find ourselves having this chemical pull and crazy chemistry? And after we spend some time with the crazy chemistry person — that we swear to have a long lost soulmate connection to — things fall apart. What happened to all the chemistry and connection?

After reading Harville Hendrix’s book, Keeping the Love You Find, I came to realize that his ideas were the best explanation of this phenomenon.  I kept getting involved with the same man over and over again, but he had a different face. What was the deal?  Paraphrasing Hendrix’s concept, we are attracted to those people who have the negative traits of our major caretakers in order to heal those wounds from childhood.

Let me explain this another way.  Do your relationships and dates all have similar negative behavior?  Do they have similar qualities but with a different face? If the answer is yes, there is hope to break this pattern.

Next: Make a list to break the dysfunctional dating cycle!

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Read more: Dating, Exercises, Love, Relationships, Self-Help, Sex, Spirit, Stop Dating & Find Love!, , , , ,

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Liz Dawn Donahue

Liz Dawn Donahue was recently married after years of dating. She is the CEO of Mishka Productions whose signature event Celebrate Your Life, brings together people from all over the world to assist in raising the consciousness of the planet. CelebrateYourLife.ORG


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5:17AM PDT on Jul 14, 2014

Chemical reactions only?

5:14PM PDT on Apr 10, 2011

Great article, I find myself doing this over and over. However, there are not a lot of single men worthy of dating. There just aren't! It's like a box of chocolates, if you wait too long to choose, all the good ones are gone!! Sooooooo true!!

2:16AM PST on Feb 14, 2011

Interesting. Thank you!

3:41PM PST on Nov 8, 2010

I thought this was a great article that reminds us that we can walk away. We don't have to put up with the negatives to have a relationship, I've made that mistake over and over in relationships and friendships. I know I am accepting of moods, moments of dysfunction, choices of dysfunction, etc., but there are bottom lines and the list idea is great for those of us who may err on the side of too much acceptance.

11:57AM PDT on Oct 20, 2010

great article... I've broke the cycle. let's see what's going to happen.

1:58PM PDT on Oct 4, 2010

This series has been very inspirational/insightful. In the past, the initial chemistry drew me in but after a couple failed relationships, I had a conversation with myself to determine once and for all, EXACTLY what I wanted in a partner. People usually say they want a good man/woman in their lives but they don't really know what 'good' means to them. The more specific/honest you are to yourself when it comes to the traits etc you seek, the more successful you will be. I would know because I have finally met and married a man who has the traits I was looking for. It took a while but I was determined not to settle for less.

6:05AM PDT on Sep 9, 2010,85616,4672584.html
click here to help people from all over the world!

8:10PM PDT on Sep 1, 2010

Oh I love the books by Hendrix. It did help me break the cycle although I have not jumped in very far yet. When it finally hit me I was on vacation and hanging out near a DJ booth (I am pt mobile DJ) and the DJ had that affect on me. I never in my life had the affect that he had on me. I have never had this thought go through my mind when I met a guy but as soon as I started talking with him it was like someone was screaming "babies" in my head. In the sense of "have babies with this man". Although that is not what was the aha moment for me. It was later and I realized his drinking was more of a problem than originally observed. Having done my time with an alcoholic father I did not wish to do anymore time. All of a sudden it hit me but if I had not realized my chem reaction can not be trusted to make a fair assessment I would not have realized the road I was going down again. Also a good book "if Buddha dated" This helped teach me that how to value myself and to be able to recognize when I was not being valued by others.

11:15AM PDT on Aug 24, 2010

Thanks again

8:38AM PDT on Aug 16, 2010

Thanks for your advice about running!! I recently did this as I have hit a brick wall and realised it just happened. My body picked itself up and left, kindly even!!!

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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