Grief, a Necessary Suffering

Grief is a wrenching emotion and therefore one of the most threatening. Those we love have been taken inside us and made a part of who we are. When they die or are threatened by crisis, we feel that our own being has been attacked.

To the unconscious mind, there is a real threat that we are going to die with them. By going numb instead of grieving, your ego pretends that the loss isn’t agonizing, that the threat is not so grave as it actually is.

Grief falls into the rare category of being a necessary suffering. You have to go through it before you can release it back to the light. The sting of death is no longer quite as anguishing. The possibility of letting in the light once again becomes real.

Feel any source of pain in your body directly, no matter where it is. Ask the pain of every kind to gather in your heart. As it gathers, ask each aspect of suffering to name itself. Be as specific as possible.

Having defined specifically the exact emotion you are experiencing, whether it is fear, anger, guilt, depression, or grief, express the origins of this feeling to yourself through writing or journaling. Be careful not to use the language of victimization.

Once you have completed this task, share these feelings with someone you can trust. Next you may release them through a ritual of your own devising–such as dancing, or burning the papers on which you have written down your experiences.

Finally celebrate the release of this blocked energy. Instead of denying your suffering, which only prolongs it, now you have defined, expressed, shared, released, and celebrated it–and moved on.

Adapted from The Deeper Wound: Recovering the Soul from Fear and Suffering, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2001).

Read more: Spirit, Deepak Chopra's Tips

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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Carole R.

8:35PM PDT on Oct 13, 2011

So true. Thank you for sharing.

send a green star

Janine H.

1:28PM PDT on Jul 18, 2011

Thank you very much for this interesting article and the warmth of the words.
Some close persons had gone, too. And it let me fall into a deep darkness, deeper than it already was. Still i miss these people, and thinking about them hurts. Sometimes i think grief could also be possible because of living people, because they went away, let someone alone (very painful when it was so necessary to have them around, but they were not there), did not understand... as if being alone in this dark, cold, lonely "world"

Siddharth J.

8:28AM PDT on Jul 14, 2011

very true sir...and to let the suffering touch and go, its important to accept what has happended as I blogged here http://sidsavenue.blogspot.com/2010/05/mind-gap.html

heather g.

12:53AM PDT on Jul 12, 2011

Grieving is a process that takes its own time. One goes through all the different phases before healing takes place.

And thank you Zee Kallah for " I learned that grief restimuates every similar grief in the past that has not been sufficiently grieved." That is so true!

Joey R.

11:50AM PDT on Jul 11, 2011

Thanks

Sai K.

8:49AM PDT on Jul 11, 2011

ya.. r8

5:40AM PDT on Jul 10, 2011

I learned in one of my psych classes on grief, (I worked in the mental health field for years), I learned that grief restimuates every similar grief in the past that has not been sufficiently grieved.

Grieving is healthy. Buck up and infect your emotional self.

There's a time to grieve and a place to grieve. But be sure you grieve.

And do not hand your grieving friend a kleenex. That says, "Hey, wipe up. Don't want to share your grief?" If your friend wants a kleenex they will reach or ask for it.

I learned so much in those classes. I applied the things I learned as I worked with my clients., Worked!!!

And every once in a while I engage in a soul cleansing cry.
Crying can really be an art, when you get it going from the solar plexus.