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Happiness: It Isn’t Your Circumstances

Happiness: It Isn’t Your Circumstances

Happiness has less to do with our life circumstances than I ever imagined. According to researcher and author Sonja Lyubormirsky, our quotient for happiness is based 50 percent of our genetics ,which is to say the complex brain and neural circuitry that we inherit from our parents and that create emotional set points for us all.

In my case,† the more work I do on my capacity for happiness, the more I encounter the low set point that I am working with.†† Mostly I feel like I have finally integrated the truth that happiness is an inside job but there remain stubborn vestiges in old myths where I sometimes find myself believing that if only I could find the right help for Good Clean Love, I would be happy.

I should know better than believe in this erroneous idea that is deeply woven into all of the billions of dollars of advertising messages swirling around us. We all collectively somewhere hold the idea that our happiness is out there somewhere waiting to be discovered. We are all waiting for something different, but we all somehow believe that it is out there. Whether we anticipate this through the perfect job,† the right mate,† the beautiful home or fast car,† we believe that we will find our happiness wrapped inside of the goals and life style we are building. In fact, often times our attachment and preoccupation with material wealth is a primary barrier to experiencing happiness.

Deriving our ability to be happy through our stuff or even our ideas of where we should be often does nothing but create a life driven by stress.† Continuously distracted from the present moment,† unable to feel the flow of life around us,† we dive head first into ruminating Ė which is a thinking style that imprisons us. Money issues often look like this, where we canít get our minds off the topic. Over-thinking our situation and comparing ourselves to others† becomes our default mode of thinking, we are like the proverbial hamster on a wheel unable to perceive the good we are living. This is where I get lost when all I can see about my business is how close we are to our monthly sales goals.

It may be hard to believe, but dozens of studies have shown that our life circumstances–everything from how much money we have, how beautiful we are, our age, where we live only impact our capacity for happiness by a measly ten percent. The real mechanism that most weighted peopleís capacity for sustained happiness was intentional activities. So I was both surprised and heartened to learn that it was in my control to choose ways of thinking that would allow me to be happy regardless of what is happening in my world.

I know this of course, after close to 18 months of study. But still my lagging sales goals or my desire to solve a problem that I canít quite see still can kick me right out of my routines that sustain my sense of self and the goodness that surrounds me.

Donít miss my interview with Sonja Lyubomirsky, the author of The How of Happiness to listen to more of what I learnedÖ Thanks Sonja.


Read more: Inspiration, Love, Mental Wellness, Relationships, Sex, Wendy's Positivity Quest,

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.† In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,† she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative advice.†It has been called "the essential guide for relationships." †The book is available on ebook.† Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


+ add your own
2:46PM PST on Feb 20, 2014

Great reminder, thank you very much:)

1:39AM PST on Feb 19, 2014

Thank you :)

12:33PM PST on Dec 26, 2012


9:42AM PST on Dec 26, 2012

Thank you

12:50PM PDT on May 6, 2012

excellent reminders

10:41AM PDT on Apr 26, 2012

I think our ability to be happy - or not - lies largely with our own attitudes. So many people are unhappy about what they don't have, instead of being content with what they do have and we've all known people who seem to take a perverse delight in being as miserable as possible and never see the bright side in anything - I don't mean the poor souls who suffer from depression, just those that 'enjoy' being a miserable moaner!

4:04PM PDT on Apr 25, 2012

depends on the person...

7:38PM PDT on Aug 6, 2011

Very nice article. Thanks.

7:05PM PDT on Jun 23, 2011


7:17PM PDT on May 18, 2011

havig enough money to live is great but does not make you happy. I learned the hard way material things are not the its cooking, dancing, fun, being outside etc.....

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