http://www.care2.com/greenliving/how-do-you-deal-with-burnt-toast.html
How Do You Deal With Burnt Toast?
We were just with Deb’s mother, Anne, in England. On the third day we were invited for tea at the House of Lord’s (more of that below) and were preparing to catch a train to London. In a bit of a rush we were quickly downing breakfast when the toast got burnt. We watched in amusement as Anne took a deep breath and simply said, “Oh dear, burnt toast,” calmly tossed it in the trash and put a fresh slice of bread in the toaster.
Few of us usually have such a reaction to burnt toast, especially when we are in a hurry. But Deb’s mom displayed the same attitude of calm acceptance later that day when we were having tea in London. Now, being invited to the House of Lords does not happen every day, but we were there to discuss a meditation project with one of the younger Lords. It is a stunningly beautiful old building, seeped in history and tradition and was a real treat for Ed, who grew up in the Bronx. We sat in the chambers and listened to the debate; we walked through the Queen’s robbing room where her throne sits; and then we went for tea.
Tea in the regal Tea Rooms sounds quintessentially English and we fully expected it to be of good English quality. The room was spectacular, the service was everything we could have wanted, but the cakes were not—they were boring, dry, commercial and cheap—not good Brit fare at all. All we could do was swallow distastefully and continue our conversation.
Accepting and simply being with what is, is a quality that Deb’s mother has perfected. It showed itself as she delicately ate her most unappetizing chocolate éclair. It is a quality that we can continue to learn in every moment that does not go our way. But, instead, we usually spend most of our time wishing that things were different – whether it is the big things like our partner or job, or the smaller things like the weather, burnt toast, or chocolate éclairs.
When we resist what is then we create more suffering for ourselves, as there is a constant, underlying dissatisfaction, otherwise known as the “If Only…” syndrome: if only this, that or the other happened, then I could be happy. If only so-and-so would change his or her behavior / lose weight / find a job, then I could be happy. If only I had more money / a bigger house / went traveling / had a good lover, then I could be happy. We were teaching a workshop and a participant, Mary, said she could only be happy when her children were happy. The list is endless. You can fill in the blank spaces for yourself.
Accepting what is, as it is, does not mean that we are like doormats and get passively walked over by all and sundry. Rather, it means recognizing that what happened even just a second ago can never be changed, it is letting the past be where it is so it does not take over the future. We make friends with ourselves and our world. At the same time we can also make changes wherever necessary, working toward a saner and more caring present. We can either make a song and dance about burnt toast and get even more stressed, or we can take a deep breath and put a fresh slice of bread in the toaster.
How do you deal with burnt toast or other difficult situations? Do you have any interesting stories? Do leave us a comment below.
related stories
-
(20 comments)
-
(1 comment)
-
eddeb
(2 comments)
Robyn
Melissa
Deepak
Eric
Dave
Dr. Brent
Isha
Susan
Delia
Michelle
Wendy
Megan
Hilary
Ann
Judi
Ronnie
Kelly
Lily
Terri
Betsy
Cait
Andrew
Jana
Annie B.
Veronica
46 comments
add your comment »Reminds me of an old joke:
An American reporter was secretly visiting the (then) Soviet Union. He had heard that life there was very difficult and wanted to know whether the rumor was true. He interviewed a man in the street who looked quite unhappy and asked him various questions.
"how is your economic situation?"
"I can't complain."
"And your housing?"
"I can't complain"
"What about your children's education?"
"I can't complain."
etc. etc.
"Well if everything seems so good, what makes you so unhappy?"
"The fact that I can't complain".
Taking life lightly, complaining briefly when there is a reason (and when you think it can make a difference) but emphisizing the good things in life is hte best way to go through it happily.
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
As it is, so it shall be. Every experience is either a lesson to be learned, or validation of a lesson learned.
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
A number of years ago, I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. I realized that any time I got upset, it would take a terrible toll on my body, and I could be ill for up to a week after. I learnt that there were very few issues worth the harm it was doing to my life. So, I can complain, but as a focused and courteous person, and people seem to respond better when I am respectful. If someone cuts me off in traffic, my response is "Wow, that was weird", and then it's finished, I am back in the moment. I have some surprised reactions when I tell people that my medical challenges have been a blessing.
Great article, thank you Ed and Deb.
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
Brunt toast is inevitable but preventable or reducible to a great extent. I set the toaster timer to a lower level , so that it takes one or two attempts to achieve the desired brown color. I affectionately call by bread toast 'Browny' and by adopting this method I achieve always golden brown toast. If by accident , the toast turns slightly black, I just scrape the surface with a knife until l the carbon is removed and eat it with a little more jam or any other fillings. I do not like to waste food but also do not like to eat spoiled food. I prevent as far as possible wastage by being careful and adopting simple techniques.
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
I love this story, as I am an Anne type myself. Don't sweat the small stuff, tomorrow is another day (really it is), and getting all upset and fretting just makes you and others around you miserable. Go with the flow.... Be kind....
Sure, try to change what you can to make the world a better place for its fellow creatures, but don't worry so much along the way!
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
Thanks for the thought-provoking piece. Personally I don't think it's healthy to suppress frustration, because it will surface in other, potentially more harmful ways.
Having said that, it's a waste of energy to get worked up over things like burnt toast or a red light.
I try to distinguish what's worth getting angry about and what isn't. Though sometimes it's the very things that matter most (family illness, the economy, etc.) that you can do the least about.
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
Thank you Care2 'ers for taking the time to comment. I feel a connection.
To Gail T who has a teenager who is indulging in smoking pot I assume ... let him know he is loved and be sure he does his schoolwork .. it is difficult to tell teens much as they have their own view. Don't isolate him. Communicate and stay close. Ed
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
you don't complain in England it gets you nowhere fast. The Brits have there own way.
Esentially you don't complain you just don't go back. I am from the Bronx I know about complaining we wrote the book!
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
I'm not sure how accepting poor food without complain is doing anyone any good. Complaint in the right circumstances, to make something better or have ones wants or needs filled, is a constructive act. complaint becomes destructive when I use it constantly and for no useful reason than to make sour noises at the world.
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
The old adage -"Dont't cry over spilled milk" comes to mind. All through life things happen to upset the applecart. When it happens you look at all your options- cry, laugh, fight,live with unforgiveness the rest of your life. I usually wonder how I would feel about the problem in 1/6/12 months, and realise I would probably not even remember it!
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
Facebook account: