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How Do You Find Love? 10 Tips

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How Do You Find Love? 10 Tips

Itís not that hard to find like. Or lust. Or friendship.

But love – true, epic, lasting love, the kind of love that leads you to celebrate 50 year anniversaries – is a whole other story.

As someone with two divorces under my belt, you may be reluctant to take love advice from me, and I wouldnít blame you! But Iím nine years into my current marriage, and things are better than ever, so maybe Iíve learned a thing or two. Take it with a grain of salt, but in case something Iíve learned resonates with you and helps you find the kind of lasting love Iíve finally found, I wanted to share it with you.

10 Love Tips to Help You Find (& Keep) Love

1. You probably wonít get everything you need from one person. And thatís okay.

I used to think my romantic partner had to be my end all/be all. I had a list a mile long of what my partner had to do/be/think/like. Iíve since learned that many of the things on my list are mutually exclusive. In order to rock one, youíre likely to have to give up another. So how could one person possibly be everything?

Now I realize that I can get every need on my list met – but I have to seek outside my romantic partnership for some of it. For example, I adore my husband, but heís agnostic. And Iím extremely spiritual. I love him unconditionally, so Iím not going to ask him to change his beliefs. But I need to find spiritual connection elsewhere. So I have friends I can call when Iím in spiritual crisis or want to share some miracle thatís happened in my life.

2. Love someone for who they are, not who they could become.

Yes, people change. We grow. We evolve. Like fine wine, some of us get better with age. But donít count on it. If you fall in love with someoneís potential rather than who they really are, youíre likely to wind up disappointed.

3. Put your true self out there.

If youíre pretending to be something youíre not, youíll attract someone who loves the fake you, not the real you. One woman who took a workshop with me died her hair pink and left her armpits unshaved. She said it was a good screening tool for men. Anyone who wasnít cool with that just wasnít gonna jive with her authentic self (go girl!) Go ahead and let your freak flag fly and youíll be much more likely to draw in the right love.

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Lissa Rankin

Lissa Rankin, MD is a mind-body medicine physician, founder of the†Whole Health Medicine Institute training program for physicians and other health care providers, and the New York Times bestselling author of†Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself.† She is on a grassroots mission to heal health care, while empowering you to heal yourself.† Lissa blogs at†LissaRankin.com and also created two online communities -†HealHealthCareNow.com and†OwningPink.com. She is also the author of two other books, a professional artist, an amateur ski bum, and an avid hiker. Lissa lives in the San Francisco Bay area with her husband and daughter.

15 comments

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1:21AM PST on Dec 29, 2011

I have to say that mutual trust and respect are the top 2 things you NEED to have a good relationship. Take it from someone who's been cheated on, yelled at, emotionally abused, treated like a piece of property rather than as a person, stolen from, lied to, etc. during a 10 year marriage. If you don't have mutual trust and respect in your relationship....get out NOW. Don't wait and hope for things to get better like I did.

6:39PM PST on Dec 28, 2011

I've never known whether I should even talk about love like it exists anymore. But you've described the closest thing I've felt to it. Unfortunately, in this relationship, people told me I was too much of a "guy", because we would pursue our most passionate interests with our respective friends. They told me I was "letting" him do things, and seemed to think he must be too busy to come out with me if I went out with them on my own. For us, it was a perfect arrangement. We had a very solid relationship together, and the time apart didn't hurt us. I guess love works out very differently for every couple, but this resonates with me.

7:37AM PST on Dec 28, 2011

' When it comes to love, you’ll never find perfect, but you also don’t want to spend the rest of your life wishing you had held out for what you truly want'
in spite of this article,,,
im still hoping the right match through my whole life.
its okay even if i couldnt find, the most important thing is this desire always makes me happy & dont let me put into despair. if i couldn't dream of it, i probably spend a more hard time compared than these days.

10:20PM PST on Dec 19, 2011

thank you

9:25PM PST on Dec 19, 2011

A "strong sexual attraction" is not the most important factor in a relationship. Many, for whatever reason, find it not important nor even part of a relationship. Many adults have little or no sexual desire after disease, injury, illness or in some cases, age. There's a vast difference between an "emotional bond" and a sexual attraction. The best relationships, of course, would include both.

I know of many couples who started out just as friends, respected each other and an emotional relationship grew as a result, but a sexual attraction didn't enter into things until well "after". Many times, the opposite happens. Some find another very sexually attractive, but while they may have a great "sex life", literally don't like each other.

9:18PM PST on Dec 19, 2011

Love does exist but only for 1 million out of 300 million people. The rest of us never find true love. The fact is it's rare. Unfortunately all the movies and media advertise that anybody can find it. As with everything else the media feeds us, that's a lie. Those 10 things the author mentioned really aren't that important in finding your soulmate. The only thing that has to happen is an extremely strong bond which begins with an intensely strong sexual attraction.
It's chemistry, plain and simple. If the bond is strong enough at the start that couple will stay together through thick and thin. But in most cases, it isn't, thus the 90% divorce rate.

6:32AM PST on Dec 19, 2011

Love doesn't exist.

4:36AM PST on Dec 18, 2011

thanks

9:36AM PST on Dec 17, 2011

Love is often hard to find. But when we least expect it, it often finds us.

5:23AM PST on Dec 17, 2011

I believe that you should put your true self forward.

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