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How Do You Tame Your Mind?
Adapted from The Book of Secrets, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 2004).
Unable to escape our toxic memories, people adapt to memories, adding one layer after another of impressions. The bottom layers, laid down in childhood, keep sending out their messages.
Stored memories are like microchips programmed to keep sending out the same message over and over. When you find yourself having a fixed reaction, the message has already been sent: It does no good to try to change the message. Yet this is exactly how the vast majority of people try to tame the mind. They receive a message they don’t like, and their reaction is one of three things.
1. Manipulation.
2. Control.
3. Denial.
If you look at them closely, it becomes clear that all three of these behaviors come after the fact. They deal with the mind’s disorder as the cause of the distress rather than as a symptom. These supposed solutions have tremendous negative effects.
Manipulation is getting what you want by ignoring or harming the desires of others. Manipulators use charm, persuasion, coaxing, trickery and misdirection. The underlying idea is, “I have to fool people to make them give me what I want.”
Control is forcing events and people into your way of doing things. Control is the great mask of insecurity. People who use this behavior are deathly afraid of letting others be who they are, so the controller is constantly making demands that keep others off balance. The underyling idea is, “If they keep paying attention to me, they won’t run away.”
Denial is looking past the problem instead of facing it. Psychologists consider denial the most childish of the three behaviors because it is so intimately linked to vulnerability. The person in denial feels helpless to solve problems, the way a young child feels. Fear is linked to denial, and so is a childlike need for love in the face of insecurity. The underlying idea is, “I don’t have to notice what I can’t change in the first place.”
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- Marwa K. says
- May 15, 2008 8:37 AM
that helps me as Vivian said below separate the mind from the body, and how i do that is picture myself like an outsider looking in at "the situation" or "conversation", and it makes a difference wether you know the person or not knowing them. If not knowing them then we need to give them the benefit of the doubt, some are jokers they would even make fun of themselves, and people who deliberatly hurt you, then you have a choice to keep away or set them straight somehow (as some maybe related or colleagues) i have tried repeating what was said to me back to them and .. and it helps
- Naomi Oneto says
- May 8, 2008 1:25 PM
Rita, One can ONLY controll One's SELF.We can be controlled by another only if we ALLOW it.Easier said than done I know. I,m
working on this VERY Diligently at this time..LOVE and LIGHT
- Monique A. says
- May 8, 2008 8:00 AM
I can see what is being said, and I have seen people enflict these reactions to me and other people, but I personally don't react in these ways. I react to them. I am sure there is more to this in the actual book. But I appreciate and find clarity in many of the comments below.
- Subramaniam Shankar says
- May 8, 2008 12:19 AM
I agree with Christoph and the quote is apt.
It is the complex and ego driven mind that makes and unmakes desires,feelings,likes,dislikes,and so forth.It is easier said than done the control over and command of mind.One of the greatest and most baffling of creation is the human mind and its potential for beauty and the beast as well with impugnity
- Kelzly Inka Lee says
- May 7, 2008 8:01 PM
The mind is a powerful tool in leading us to many harmful waste if we don't look after it with care and awareness. I am learning a lot today. Thank you so much for your insight.
with metta
kelz
- Vivian Amis says
- May 7, 2008 5:38 PM
Yes, Deepak I agree. All three things you mentioned are reactions...after the fact.
Reacting does not change something....change can only come from change. Reacting is a validation upon a "belief" ...not a validation of Truth.
In Truth our mind is silence.
How to "tame" the mind? Separate your Self from the mind and the mind will no longer have power over you.
- Rita Allison says
- May 7, 2008 1:10 PM
Control does not necessarily mask insecurity. It could be a person finally waking up to the fact that there are some people who will consistantly say and do things to hurt you, even under the guise of "I care" and you have just had a gut full and finally say ENOUGH. Some people should not be allowed to "be who they are" if they are damaging you. Telling someone to SHUT UP and stop ruining you is taking your control back and would mean that you have become SECURE in the knowledge that another person does not have the right to "be who they are" if they are inflicting damage. (And would mean that they better run away...far far away...if they wish to continue the behaviour). Taking control back is saying, "stop paying attention to me and GO AWAY". Seriously....
- Adrian F. says
- May 7, 2008 12:55 PM
Thank you!
That we treat the mind disorder as the cause rather than a symptom of the distress is a simple but very profound insight that makes a lot of sense to me at the moment:-)
- Christoph Wuth says
- May 7, 2008 11:38 AM
"The mind in its own place, and in itself
Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of
heaven"
(Milton - Paradise Lost)
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