I am much like Sheila S. in my way of parenting. Though my own upbringing was less than ideal on several levels.

I feel that parenting often reflects behaviors we experienced from our own parents, and the mental, emotional, or physical wounding or nurturing we recieved.

When we have children of our own it can heal old wounds and allow us to find ourselves in the process. We can allow ourselves to experience a happier more peaceful attitude, or continue living in the hurt & anger we had to deal with from our own childhood, in turn taking it our on own children. Or we can consciously choose to be better parents than we had ourselves.

Each generation has an opportunity to create a better world through the children we raise & teach about life, as well as how to treat others. Discipline is taught by example, and constant reminders of how to live in a home & in society. We must teach our kids to be compassionate & responsible with others & the world in which they live. We can explain that everyone has their own issues to work through & why another person might act the way they do. This allows our children to realize that some people have had hard lives and how it affected them.
This helps them to be more understanding & to realize we all impact on one another. It can be a positive experience or not, it's all about the choices we make.

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My mother felt the occasional slap was good because it ended the punishment for the child. Meant it was over, that was it.

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While I was growing up, spanking was allowed and we had no choice but to follow what our parents told us almost 100% of the time. Reasoning out was something I did when I was 13 but by and large, our parents' word was the final word in most all matters.

I tried not to spank my children while they were growing up. If they did something wrong, I'd explain to them what they did wrong and that what I was angry about was WHAT they did. I emphasized I was not mad at them. This has given my children great confidence in themselves, especially my daughter who has turned out to be a very calm creature. I'd like to read more from your book UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Thank you, Deepak!

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This article is a good conversation starter as it comments on the importance of a nurturing childhood, but doesn't really give any advice on how to make that happen.

As a school counselor, I consistently see the results of children who come from abusive homes. They lack empathy, and therefore become bullies. They only perform under threats, which aren't allowed in the school setting, therefore they don't care about doing their work.

I think what's important to note here is that this is not a black-and-white issue (nothing is). It is not about spoiling vs. punishment. It is about having a backbone as a parent and disciplining your children, NOT punishing them. Punishment is done to please a parent, whereas discipline teaches the child what they did wrong and how they can make it right. A child also shouldn't be allowed to do whatever they want to do, either.

Take the middle road, think before you act with your children, and give them lots of love!

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I think that good people & good religion have helped me to get the best from a disturbed & abused childhood. Children need a lot of affection, encouragement, & cultural stimulation. Children born to truly rotten parents have a high risk of growing up emotionally stunted.

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I agree in not beating anyone. However, all this crap about alowing children to do as they want is wrong. Look around you. More young child violence than ever. At a young age (birth to 10) they know nothing about life other than instictive actions. They learn. If you do not teach reality, you get some lost, demanding helpless inity. EXAMPLE: Children who are constantly carried verses those whom are allowed to attempt to walk. The carried ones scream and demand you to do as they have LEARNED. Babies know only what works to get what they are attempting to create. LIFE is not always sugar and milk. They need to learn that for every action there is a reaction rather good or BAD. PUNISHMENT for the evil/ bad doing is correct. TODAY children are out of controll and the parents are to blame. They have created selfish, disrespectful cry babies who cannot stand on their own 2 feet. They worry more about whats in it for them instead of how can they be productive for all. WHY? No reality checks when growing. Johnnys little inner child, YEA. It needs it's behind spanked. So many quick to ridiqule the older generations, but look at all the great people / things they turned out. Think theres a reason for that? I DO. it's called RESPONCIBILITY for your ACTIONS. Children are not held accountable for anything today. Not even making more children. NO beating anyone is wrong. Spanking is NOT. PUNISHMENT for the CRIME is RIGHT. Otherwise how do you learn the differance untill its too late?

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One day when I was in the seventh grade, after having had a big fight with my mother I forgot about it and went to school. Sometime around mid morning I was brought to the principal's office, my mother had called asking to speak to me, full of trepidation I took the phone and what happened but that she was apologizing to me for yelling at me. I was astounded, I forgot the fight and what it was about by the time I had reached school but in my whole life, sixty five years, I have never forgotten what my mother did that day and how it made me feel. I have never had children but if I had I would pass on that lesson to them.

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My bringing up was far less than ideal. When I was just nine (9) turning ten (10) we had to move from Central America the Panama, Canal Zone back to the United States because my father became ill from a stroke we were not welcomed back because we were American in 1955 and the first batch of Cubans came at the same time they got what ever they needed like money, medical, food and all things you need to live free of charge.
Seeing how we were Americans we got nothing no housing, food or medical. We had no money but we had to buy what we could. We needed housing but the Cubans got it all and we had to live in a hotel room for a year. We needed clothing couldn't get either but the Cubans did. We needed medical couldn't get that either but the Cubans got it free. When I became ill with Appendix my mother went to the public hospital where the Cubans got it free but because we were Americans and my mother did ask for help they turned her down and she had to go to a Loan Shark to get the money and it took her years and years to pay off that bill but none of us turned to drugs or anything else to drown our feelings because even though it was tough we had family and that is what was so important. So when I hear these children crying about what they have not have I always say you want to move over and I will tell you my story.
So when I hear minorities crying about what they have or not have I say MOVE OVER!!!

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My Take:

A greater part of the world’s population does have many un-resolved matters of the heart. And many more women do compared to men.

WHY? Some folks born with a dominant extrovert personality can roll with the punches then deliver some of them back. But ON NO for the ones born with a dominant introverted personality.

Those folks miss the mark many times for they stay in their shell with their past instead of getting it out.

The CURE: introverts comprise the greater population of mankind. They need communication with each other as in CIVIL SOCIETIES. But often times they miss the mark again for they do not feel worthy of getting involved with civil gatherings of any kind. Thus the fear and dread from the long gone past has taken total control of who they are and who they could become if they would press to the higher mark of getting involved to talk about all issues, with like-minded folks.

NOT SO MUCH for their personal benefit but who they might help along life’s pathways.

FOR THE GREATER GOOD IN LIFE IS FOUND IN
GIVING
INSTEAD OF
RECEIVING.

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It breaks my heart when I get frustrated with my son. He has nothing but the want to please his father and me.

I lose my temper first, as most people do. I send him to his time-out, he knows what he did wrong already most of the time. Clean for 5 mins. giving me a chance to cool off, as well as him. I come back and apologize to him AND MEAN IT. Then we go over right and wrong of what he did matter of factly and together, ending with giggles.

I have always had a temper. I was taught how to pick and choose my fights. Never EVER physical (because we ALL should never have to stoop so low). To be well informed before I open my mouth, and to know when to sit down, shut up and learn! LOL! It has been a difficult but rewarding journey so far for me, and it's working for my son. He's a VERY loving sweet caring boy! :)

Kids need *guidance* in these years up until they are able to move out. To just ask questions, listen and learn. We, as adults, have already been there, just as our parents told us they were. Don't get frustrated, TEACH :) They do live what they have learned from you!

My parents were very loving, caring, and supportive. I always wanted to be just like them but better... who doesn't want to be better than their parents? LOL! We have to be better than them if we want to better our future generations.

Mr. Chopra, thank you for your inspiring words, may they resonate through all generations for years to come!

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