How to Affair-Proof your Relationship

In my last post, I reflected on why affairs happen.

I am no psychologist, but I’ve seen that one big factor is feeling that you’re being taken for granted. Often, one steps outside the boundaries of commitment to prove a point to oneself; to feel wanted, loved and respected.

So, I jotted down some thoughts on how to create those elements in your committed relationship, so that your partner wants to stay, not stray.

He leaves the toothpaste tube open and the toilet seat up? Don’t bicker over small things: accept your partner’s little habits and idiosyncracies as part of who he/she is .
Remember to say Thanks. Just because you are hitched now, you should not take the other person’s acts of thoughtfulness for granted. Let him know you appreciate it.
Remember to give regular boosts to your spouse’s self-esteem. Tell him how good he looks, how well she dresses, and how wonderful you feel when you are together.
Stop asking ‘why only me,’ or saying ‘now it’s your turn so you do it.’ Do you always want to be right, or do you want some loving?
Don’t try to be a doormat or a martyr or the boss. A marriage or romantic relationship is different from others because it is a partnership—it works great if you meet each other half-way.

Do add your own advice and insights–there’s a lot of us out there who need Rx for rocky relationships!

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Kathy P.

6:53PM PDT on May 23, 2012

care 2's link to fb is screwing with us... soooo... sorry bout "Josh Martindale"'s comment that does not pertain to this article. We don't know what is wrong here... grumble. thanks for the article. I wrote something.. idk where it went. sorry

send a green star

Josh M.

6:48PM PDT on May 23, 2012

Men, cook if you love it! Or if your partner needs a break or as a surprise date! It's sexy, it's refreshing, and it's nice. Who cares if guys like to cook? More power to them!

KS G.

12:31AM PDT on Apr 15, 2012

Thanks for the article.

Molly S.

5:29PM PDT on Apr 8, 2012

It's usually not that simple

Krystal W.

6:14PM PDT on Apr 7, 2012

good advice, but there's a lot more to it.

Ra S.

2:02PM PDT on Apr 3, 2012

While treating your partner well, not taking your partner for granted, and making sure that you have good and frequent communication are good things to do in any relationship, I don't really care for the premise of this article. Some people cheat in relationships because they like the thrill of cheating. The urge to blame the partner who is cheated on, to say if they had only done the right things then their relationship would not have been one that involved cheating is easy. But it isn't really fair. You can do everything right, and it may just turn out that you are involved with someone who likes to cheat and you didn't realize. It doesn't mean you should worry about it all the time. Still make your relationship the best it can be. And trust your partner for as long as you have reason to (and if you can't trust your partner, break up - really it's better, a relationship without trust is an ugly, ugly thing, if your partner doesn't trust you, also break up, you don't really have a meaningful relationship anyway). But being cheated on is a risk we take when we get into relationships. Just accept it, along with the risk of car accidents, health problems, and so forth. It may well never happen, but there is no way to be absolutely sure it will not, except to avoid relationships altogether, and for most people that isn't worth it.

Leigh Anne B.

8:27AM PDT on Apr 3, 2012

Be kind to each other....that is a sure fire charm!

Harlie D.

1:22PM PST on Feb 19, 2012

Don't forget to say you're sorry when the other person deserves an apology.

sandra m.

7:30PM PST on Feb 15, 2012

I've been married for 23 years and one thing a good marriage takes is WORK!( Work from both )
One thing we made clear to each other --if either one of us had an affair,that would be the END of our marriage. Can't have a solid marriage,if you don't have trust.....that's the very foundation.
Being secure in each other goes a long way when both work to maintain & nurture it.

Sarah L.

7:14PM PST on Feb 15, 2012

Affairs that's a mean thing to do on your spouse, if they care about you why do they do that to you? I will never understand that.