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How to Ask for What You Want In Bed

How to Ask for What You Want In Bed

Know why you should always ask for what you want in bed? Because you’re worth it. And you shouldn’t hold yourself back or make yourself small for any reason or any person.

It might not be easy and you might not get everything you desire, but going for it has its own rewards inside and outside the bedroom. Here are some tips to help you with a request, just in case you need them.

  • Don’t assume the other person will think you’re a freak. You don’t know how they will respond. If they matter to you, try to trust them. (Yes, even if you’re asking for something kinky.)
  • Be direct. If you mumble, giggle, and fumble your point, you may not get what you want. Get really clear on what you’d like to ask for first and, when the time is right, bring it up. (Some might call this putting on your big girl panties. We just call it smart.)
  • Embrace the awkwardness. Asking for things like more (or less) oral sex or adding toys to sex (for extra stimulation) can make some of us shy or embarrassed. Look at it this way; feeling uncomfortable for 15 minutes is worth it if it leads to a better sex life.
  • If it’s a sensitive subject—like you want your partner to last longer—be compassionate. There’s no room for acting entitled, combative, condescending, or bratty. Try to be supportive. If you approach it like you’re in this together you’ll get through it together.
  • Believe. You have to believe in your request and know that it’s okay to ask for it. This is really important because when you’re secure in your desires and authentic about what you want, you are empowered. And empowerment will help you ask for things and get them.
  • Have your birth control ready to go. We’re pretty sure you’re going to get what you want, so make sure you’re covered when the fun starts.

To learn more about asking for what you want, Queendom covers how to ask without blushing. SheKnows wants to help you find balance in the bedroom.The Today Show offers up a video covering six ways to get the sex you want.Care2 has a Loveologist who wants to make a game out of it. Cosmo has some good tips too. And here’s the Frisky’s take on what women are afraid to ask for in bed.

Related articles

What to Do When You Want Different Things in Bed
Sensual Massage Moves to Make Your Partner Melt
Want Better Sex? Give it Time

Read more: Dating, Love, Relationships, Sex, Uncategorized, , , ,

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Everyone should have the life they want, when they want it. And until someone is ready to have a baby, we believe they should have access to birth control. That’s where we come in. Bedsider makes birth control easier. How? By giving you everything you need to find it, get it, and use it well.


+ add your own
8:06PM PST on Mar 3, 2015

Thank you

12:14PM PDT on Aug 4, 2014

One of the biggest MISconceptions is that we KNOW what turns on the opposite sex. Sure there are some buttons that we are attracted to that are covered in nerve endings but especially when you're young or in a new relationship many aspects are just a big mystery. the NET is a GOD-SEND for many because they can learn from others .... learn that over 70% of women NEVER CUM from straight intercourse. THAT is huge with many couples and it shouldn't be. WE should all know the plumbing just is NOT all that compatible and we have to do more sometimes so as not to leave her frustrated or just plain pissed and feeling abandoned.

Whether it is what you want, want to try, a fantasy or anything else it comes down to COMMUNICATION and of course reading and doing your own research into what sounds fun if you've never tried it before. And DON'T be offended if your partner isn't AS turned on by something as you are. We are ALL wired differently. Compromise in the name of making you BOTH feel good and getting what you want.


3:59AM PDT on Apr 30, 2014

Just break out the illustrated Kama Sutra and say, "Can we try page 73 tonight?"

"Are you out of your mind? My body won't bend that way!"

5:26AM PDT on Apr 28, 2014

Feel relaxed and talk about it

3:12AM PDT on Apr 25, 2014

Thank you :)

6:16AM PDT on Apr 17, 2014


5:00AM PDT on Apr 17, 2014

My grandmother gives better advice.

2:06PM PDT on Apr 9, 2014

The advice not to act bratty or entitled is a good one, as sexual intimacy is supposed to be about shared caring and not selfish pleasure. Thanks.

4:42PM PDT on Mar 30, 2014

this is important! thanks for writing this :)

4:27PM PDT on Mar 30, 2014

Simply put, if you don't ask for what you want, you won't get it. And when it comes to intimacy, that can lead to resentment and tension around what can be an enjoyable activity with your partner. Don't assume your partner is a mind reader. Just talk...

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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