How to Change the Culture of Bullying

When I was in the ninth grade in the 1960s, a gang of four girls I didn’t know cornered me in a stairwell after a late band practice with an iron ball and chain and threatened to beat me up. Why? I don’t know, except perhaps it was because I was successful in academics, sports, band and had recently been presented an award at a school assembly. Or, maybe I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Fortunately, I had a good sense of self-esteem and was able to talk them down, and while they were discussing whether they should go ahead with the attack, I ran down three flights of stairs to the nearest exit. I breathed a huge sigh of relief once I got outside onto a busy street. The next day I reported the event to the assistant principal, but I was scared every time I found myself alone in a hallway after school.

Today, bullying among children has increased to such a critical level that parents, educators, counselors, state legislators and many others, including the president of the United States, have sounded the alarm that enough is enough. The White House estimates a third of the nation’s schoolchildren, about 13 million, have been subjected to bullying and at least 10 percent are bullied on a regular basis. Besides physical bullying, there is also verbal and emotional bullying. And, with the rise of the Internet, many children are bullied and humiliated online through email, chat rooms, Facebook and other social media. The number of children who have committed suicide due to constant bullying is frightening.

What’s really behind today’s bullying epidemic?

The website, www.bullyingstatistics.org, defines bullying as “a form of intimidation or domination toward someone who is perceived as being weaker; a way of getting what one wants through some sort of coercion or force; and a way for someone to establish some sort of perceived superiority over another person.”

Reading these definitions, I couldn’t help but think of how today’s political climate seems to have taken on such a hostile tone, especially leading up to and during election years. Incumbents and candidates alike seem to bully each other for these same reasons. The American public used to perceive congressmen and women as models of civility, but now these former role models seem to have earned our justifiable disdain. Their motives for bullying are as transparent as they are disgusting to me. Civility used to be a cultural value, but now it is sorely lacking in so much adult interaction today. Bullying is glorified in many action, comedy and reality TV shows as well as video games. No wonder so many children consider bullying as normal behavior.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Stella N.

4:39PM PST on Dec 13, 2011

Thanks for the article.

December 13
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Janine H.

4:30AM PST on Nov 6, 2011

Thank you for the article. It is sad, when someone is alone. And i hope that other people have someone behaves supportedly towards and who takes them seriously.

Always when i hear about terrible things it makes me sad, and i cannot understand how someone could do something terrible - hurt, rape or kill a person or animal. When i was a child this also happened to me... and surviving this is more terrible than not (parents and other may think different, but a victim?), living with all this pain... living with guilty feelings... full with hate for the own self
No one can understand, because most people cannot imagine this, cannot imagine how much it change. Some of them think, that this would not be so terrible, because all would make some sexual experiences, and so it would not matter if there were some without own interest or wish. This cruel and superficial society makes me sick.

I know that it is not good to wish someone who does terrible things something as a punishment. But when i hear about violent people then i think why are they so "afraid" to go to someone equal and get some hits for their selves. This is a perversion, to think being more a man when beating a woman or a girl. This men are a shame for all normal men.

About me... there is no one who takes me seriously... :( i hate my own life, i wish i would vanish... that no one would have a burden (me) anymore...

Please forgive these sadness

"Only when the last tree has been cut down; Only when the last

November 6
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june t.

12:26AM PDT on Nov 4, 2011

Childhood bullies often grow up to become adult bulllies of the workplace (and other aspects of life). Bullying gives them a payoff in higher self esteem, and often people gravitate to bullies - otherwise, bullies would have no friends and wouldn't be able to continue being bullies. Sometimes they become bullying supervisors and managers, and make life hell for their employees. I wish schools would emphasize ethics, kindness, conscience, etc. especially in younger grades. There isn't just one aspect, but many aspects to the bullying problem.

November 4
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Alisa C.

7:13PM PDT on Nov 2, 2011

I have so many thoughts on this. That I have seen adult attempts to create a safe space work, and I have seen them backfire spectacularly on the same day, because the bully learned exactly the wrong lesson - how to *really* push his victim's buttons. That none of these seem to address the peer pressure to be part of the "in" crowd by excluding another. that children seem to have a herd mentality, so that a single emmisary of compassion is more likely to become another victim if they speak up. That bullying includes ostracization as well as active physical or verbal abuse, and that being the kid no one will sit with at lunch is as devastating as any words or blows.

This is something I deal with daily, because I have a 14 year old son with high-functioning autism. I used to think that if the other kids would just ignore him instead of trying to make him cry, it would be enough. I was wrong. The other kids, for the most part, act as if he wasn't there. They don't invite him to their houses or parties. They don't sit with him at lunch, and if he approaches them, they close ranks. He's different.

So how do you address that sort of bullying? He's as miserable as he was when they were calling him names on the playground, but there is no specific action or or bully I can point to.

How do we, as compassionate adults, address bullying by silence?

November 2
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Tony C.

2:44AM PDT on Nov 2, 2011

A class in RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY should be taught from Grade one to graduation, children should be taught that anything is permissible as long as it does not hurt themselves or anybody else. Common sense would dictate that if children are taught at a very early age that every child has their own strengths and weaknesses and that they should use their strengths to help not tease or bully others.
Later on Sex Education should be taught from Contraceptives, Masturbation,LGBT and all forms of sex. Let us face it whether we like it or not children are curious and are having sex earlier and earlier. They should be taught the joys and the consequences of having sex ( Pregnancy,STD, AIDS ) But you say when will this be taught. Cut out Geography or History early on then put it back in and remove Geometry and Algebra. They can learn this in college if need be. I believe this is a solution. Nipping it in the Bud so that Bullying, Sexual Assault, and many others will be greatly diminished if not eradicated. It is my belief that when children graduate with these principals where they are taught RESPECT for themselves and others and to take RESPONSIBILITY for their actions. Within a few generations this world would be a much better place to live in.

2:43AM PDT on Nov 2, 2011

Marilyn J L.

5:04PM PDT on Nov 1, 2011

Let's indeed do what we can in the early years to eliminate bullying. They grow up to be some of our worst politicians.

November 1
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Angela B.

3:03PM PDT on Nov 1, 2011

I have always tried to stay involved in the school through volunteering. I've found that staying visible and in tune with things in the schoolyard and classroom makes a difference. I have 7 children and we've had a few rough times over the years, both with being bullied and being the bully. Two of my daughters continued an argument over the internet after school a few years ago. Nothing too bad...just alot of name calling but the next day, they were called to the office to speak to the police. The police gave them stern warnings and I guess it worked because we never had another incident. Now that most of my brood is grown with their own children, it should be interesting to see how they deal with this growing problem.

Jean W.

12:22PM PDT on Nov 1, 2011

A method similar to this was used when my daughter was being bullied. It only served to empower the bully further. The bully learned how to cover her track even better.

Rita W.

12:19PM PDT on Nov 1, 2011

thanks