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How to Enjoy the Power of Seduction

How to Enjoy the Power of Seduction

I love everything about seduction. It’s about getting every ounce of juice out of every experience. And if you rush things, you can miss the best part. Seduction is all about savoring.

This morning I got inspired by a burlesque teacher who was talking about seduction. Burlesque is all about seduction and not about sex. This is what Kitty Cavalier of the School of Charm and Cheek had to say: “It’s interesting that we associate seduction with sex, when in fact, true seduction is the opposite of sex. Sex is when desire is met. Seduction is not about the culmination or gratification of desire, it is about the thrill of the desire itself. It is the game that is played as the desire comes closer, and closer, and closer, and being able to maintain that tension of wanting for a long, long time.”

“Seduction” is the first cousin of “anticipation,” and it’s something that we enjoy on many levels, even when it comes to planning our vacations. In a recent article in the New York Times, “Planning The Perfect Vacation,” Michelle Higgins describes studies that found the pleasure was in the anticipation of the vacation rather than in the actual vacation!

“A 2010 study by Jeroen Nawijn, a tourism research lecturer at Breda University of Applied Sciences in the Netherlands, examined the behavior of 1,530 Dutch adults and found that the 974 individuals who took a vacation achieved the greatest amount of happiness leading up to the trip.

His findings were in line with studies led by the psychologists Leigh Thompson of Northwestern University and Terence Mitchell of the University of Washington that examined travelers’ anticipation of, actual experiences on, and memories of vacations. The results, published in 1997 in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, found that regardless of the type of trip, vacationers were happier in the period leading up to their time off than during the vacation itself.

So booking your trip well ahead not only gives you an edge when it comes to logistics (getting the best room and often the best deal), it also helps build anticipation, which can boost happiness.”

For most of us, the bigger the “sexy occasions” are in our lives, the less frequently they occur. Living a happy, juicy life means extending the pleasure and we can do that by learning how to enjoy and practice seduction and anticipation.

Seduction Skill Tips:

Learn to say “no”!

There is so much sexy in waiting. Do you want to know one of the most seductive things in the entire world? The ability to say “no.” No can be a very sexy word. We all know that setting boundaries and saying no to certain situations is important and sometimes essential. But have you ever thought about “no” as being sexy? Try experimenting with your “no” and see how it feels.

How does it feel to hold the power and value yourself? How does it feel to withhold something that someone else wants? It’s an interesting experience. Try it just to feel it even if you want to say “yes.”

Learn to consciously slow things down!

The key to seduction is to slow things down. How slowly does that fabulous burlesque dancer take off her gloves? She takes her time with every finger! I tend to think that things are not moving fast enough in my life. I want things now. But when I turn my thoughts to how I can seduce myself with ideas or possibilities, everything changes shape.

If I slow things down, I am able to notice that if I am not moving towards something that I thought that I wanted in my life, then perhaps I am not truly seduced by it. Try looking at things through the lens of seduction. What is seducing you? And how can you slow down every meal in your life so that you can anticipate every delicious encounter, whether it is a meal or giving your lover pleasure? Can you make him/her whimper with desire? Can you move that slowly?

Deepak Chopra calls one of his meditation retreats “Seduction of Spirit.” That’s because seduction can be a spiritual path. Seduction is not just something to be done with other people, but with everything we want in life. Where a “no” can be equally satisfying as a “yes.” And don’t get me wrong, I love a great big fat YES!

But a “no” just means that there is a possibility that there is more fun to be had. Savor everything, and use the joy of seduction as a path to pleasure. Try it on today. Whatever you are doing that is about to give you pleasure, slow it down and give it very short wait. I would love to hear how your experiment with seduction goes!

What To Do After Reading This Article:

Please leave a comment! I would love to know what you think about seduction. It’s also kind to share! Please “Like it” and share it with your social networks like Twitter and Facebook.

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Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen is an Integrative Life Coach Specializing In Women's Issues: Sexuality, Fertility, Body Image, Wellness and Rejuvenation. Pamela is also author of the best selling memoir Shameless (Rodale, Jan 2011), and founder of The American Fertility Association.Her websites and her daily blog,, are a breakfast essential for reporters, writers and policymakers.


+ add your own
7:24AM PDT on Jun 29, 2013


12:35AM PST on Dec 19, 2012

this website rocks!!

5:48AM PDT on Aug 7, 2012

thanks for posting

3:14PM PDT on Jul 31, 2012

Interesting. Thank you.

6:53AM PDT on Jul 23, 2012

great article

1:16PM PDT on Jul 20, 2012

This is from a woman's point of view. For many guys, it is anxiety and fear of rejection, not fun at all.

7:57AM PDT on Jul 18, 2012

thanks for posting.

1:59PM PDT on Jul 16, 2012

Nice article :)

1:10AM PDT on Jul 16, 2012

Ahhh .... the thrills of anticipation

The excitement of waiting for just a little bit more - next time

10:43PM PDT on Jul 14, 2012

Good lord! The guy in that photo looks just like my dad on his wedding day!

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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This was quite interesting. Think I'll bookmark it for later. Thanks!

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