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5 Ways to Protect Your Child From Bullying

5 Ways to Protect Your Child From Bullying

By Brock Hansen for YourTango.com.

If you know your child is being bullied, start by taking a deep breath. Your first instinct may be to charge in and do something to protect your child. However, your goal should be to help your child protect stay protected as much as possible, which will take some planning and understanding. So now, take another deep breath, and follow these five essential steps:

1. Listen. The first thing your child needs to know is that you understand how he or she feels. Two natural feelings in response to being bullied are shame and anger. It may be difficult to listen to your child talk about shame or anger, but it is very important to do so in order to let them know that their feelings are okay. If your child doesn’t think you understand their feelings, it will be exceedingly difficult for your son or daughter to talk to you about what to do. After all, shame motivates us to hide, to keep a low profile and not to raise painful topics with anyone — even our parents.

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2. Share. If you can talk about memories of your own experiences of being bullied, teased, dissed or rejected as a child, and you can talk about how you felt at the time (not the brilliant thing you did to get even), you will send your child the message that this experience is normal and survivable. Your child will not only learn how to handle bullies, but also how to manage emotional reactions to difficult situations. Here is an opportunity to develop emotional intelligence by talking about tough feelings.

3. Brainstorm. It is more important for your child to learn to solve problems than to have them solved for him or her. So, after listening to feelings, invite your son or daughter to think about what they can do. They may come up with some comical or even shocking suggestions, but accept them all in the spirit of brainstorming with the plan of later choosing the best ideas to act on. Affirming any plan that sounds realistic and supportable will give your child more confidence than if you tell them exactly what you think should be done.

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4. Follow Up. Encourage your child to put the plan into action. Help rehearse (playfully), and ask how it worked out. You don’t want to be pushy about it, but you do want to express that you think it is important.

5. Affirm. Whatever your child decides and does, affirm it. Of course, you don’t want to encourage violent retaliation, and you don’t want to affirm abject surrender and acceptance of a victim identity. But you can reframe strategic retreat as survival and seeking help as good sense.

Many of the other things you might want to do — with the school, the other parents, the bullies themselves or the culture of bullying we live in — are beyond your immediate access or control. You can still do them, but you can depend on them taking plenty of time and the cooperation of others. The steps outlined above are within the scope of your relationship with your child, the most important foundation of his or her sense of safety and security. Start there.

More from YourTango: 10 Parenting Secrets That Boost Kids Confidence

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: Help! My Child Is Being Bullied.

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47 comments

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8:19AM PDT on Apr 25, 2014

Let’s End This Madness

http://media.wix.com/ugd/df95d7_1a473fadc13b459f9c420b5cf4853ceb.pdf

8:18AM PDT on Apr 25, 2014

As a society, we admire and reward the success of focused directness. The question is: What happens when acceptable “assertiveness” is shoved over… into unacceptable “aggressiveness” and bullying? Where is this line drawn, and who actually draws that line between the two?

Our children, our family, friends, and every person breathing on this earth are important, are worthy, are loved and cherished for who they are. We are important, worthy, and cherished for who we are—and not what we do, what we look like, how much money we have, etc.

If children grew up with this knowledge embedded in their hearts, I believe that there would be less potential victims of bullying; teen suicides and/or attempted suicides would be reduced; and so many other positive effects will follow them through adulthood.

If adults had this knowledge embedded in their hearts, I believe that there would be less abuse, fewer suicides, and less domestic violence and killings.

If all of us believed this in our own hearts, we wouldn’t sit back and allow others to be threatened, bullied, or abused. We would have the courage to step in and do something… and not stand by and let things happen, because we’re afraid of getting involved.

We need to do is share this simple message—over and over again—until this knowledge is so deeply embedded in everyone we come in contact with that no words, actions, or persons can take that away from them.

3:09PM PDT on Oct 11, 2013

Thanks for posting.

11:03PM PDT on Oct 10, 2013

Thank you! (p, t)

10:16AM PDT on Jul 5, 2013

Thank you YourTango, for Sharing this!

8:27AM PDT on Jun 27, 2013

Act now for our future

8:44PM PDT on Jun 26, 2013

Bullies are sons/daughters of bullies. Either one or both parents are bullies, who in turn were very probaby raised by one or more bullies. Bullies do not think they are bullies. Adults who are bullies do not believe their children are bullies. I have said before, this is a viscious cycle, complicated, and very difficult to break.

While this article takes a proactive stance with the child, I don't see where the actual protection comes in. Several comments have mentioned notifying those in authority and I do agree. However, though most, if not all, schools have policies against bullying, many do not strictly enforce the rules. If the action(s) of a bully/bullies are not witnessed, usually by someone in authority, the charges will not stand.

It is the children who we have to break from this cycle.

8:23PM PDT on Jun 26, 2013

thanks

8:39AM PDT on Jun 24, 2013

Thanks

10:51PM PDT on Jun 23, 2013

thanks

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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