How To Surrender

Whenever you feel yourself having a reaction of judgment, rejection, or resistance, imagine the opposite. Instead of seeing an adversary, view your partner as totally on your side. Donít focus on what he or she has done to irritate you; reframe it as an act of pure love, brought into being to teach you the perfect lesson you need to learn at just that moment. This isnít a mind game or a trick: at the level of spirit your beloved acts only from love, holding your highest good at heart.

Resistance is like a wall, holding back the flow of love. Love is the wave that brings forgiveness, kindness, and trust from the level of spirit. You canít create these things. You can only tune in to them, which is why you need to remake your daily battles into opportunities for spirit. Every sliver of time opens onto the timeless. Can you allow yourself to slip through?

First and foremost, this is about seeing each other in a new light. Needs donít just go away. On the other hand, projections of blame should go away; there isnít any reason, except in your perception, to make each other feel wrong.

You must stop feeding the monster. This inner being who keeps screaming, ĎWhat about me?í is a kind of monster, a distorted outgrowth of your ego.

Imagine the monster. The name of this beast is resistance. Now think of a situation where you absolutely didnít want to go along with your spouseís will. See this monster coming forward to defend you by putting up a wall of denial, a thousand reasons why you are right and your partner wrong, a ferocious display of withering disapproval.

How do you feel when this happens? Hard. Angry. Furious. Insecure. Empty. Alone. All are layers of the same response. On the surface the monster of resistance expresses anger and hardness, but this is only to protect the insecurity and loneliness lurking underneath. If you peel away the layers, you find that resistance is actually born of fear, and fear comes from having been deeply hurt in the past.

Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).

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Laura Saxon
Past Member 2 years ago

Very interesting. Thanks for sharing.

No Politics H.
Past Member 3 years ago

Very true but the value of anger is change.... If we all just accepted what is and all as they are then we would have millions without healthcare, homeless and slaves. It is in identifying and facing our adversaries that we promote social welfare and amend injustice.

Dot A.
Dot A.3 years ago

Zee - you hit it right on!

As we all are called to participate in the miracle,
let the miracle maker MAKE it happen.

We are in the mix of wonderous things, and we are part of the wonder, - therefore, let ourselves trust in the mystery, and surrender to the awe of The Greater Being.

For the unfolding may not always be an easy one, yet, if we go it alone, we are lost and without any hope. Going with the Greater Being carries us through all things! - with love, always

Zee K.
Past Member 3 years ago

"You, my LORD, have proved, over and over again, you love me more than I love myself. You want better things for me than I want for my self." My way almost killed me. Your way gives me life.

Your will, not mine."

Nimue Pendragon
Nimue Pendragon3 years ago

Easier said than done, human nature being what it is.

Ron Grubner
Ron Grubner3 years ago

It can be hard when confronted with differing points of view.The situation needs to be asseced at the time but when respect is shown by both parties,a resolvement is usually reached even if it just means acceptance of anothers view.It is when aggression is shown by one or both parties that any resolve become difficult. An often quoted verse of Jesus is indicative of the attitude needed..."If someone strikes you on the right cheek,I say turn to him the other also" .The picture there is if a right handed person were to strike another on the right cheek,he would be using the back of his hand and that was considered very insulting.Turning the left cheek towards him for the same purpose reveals an attitude of strength and patience...not submission to being wronged.But re-paying aggression with aggression will not solve the problem.When asked by Peter.."how many times must I forgive my brother ...7 times ?", Jesus said..."not 7 times but 70 times 7 " Again,a diffcult thing to do especially when we know we are being wronged.And then much depends on the wrong committed.But it is an attitude here that Jesus speaks of humility and understanding and forgiveness.He is saying we are all human and all with the same inherant make-up.So often it is pride which is the obstacle.

Ra Sc
Ra Sc3 years ago

I like the ideas proposed in Non-Violent Communication when combined with The Gentle Art of Self Defense. The idea is that you respond to people in a loving, non-violent way. But that you still deflect attacks. And as the author of The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense points out, most people do not want to hurt you. But some people do, and if somebody keeps trying to hurt you after you gently deflect their attacks in a way that does not hurt or disrespect you, then you need to face the conclusion that they actually do want to hurt you. And then you need to get help and get away from that person. That is a method for both being kind and not increasing hostilities, but still protecting oneself from people who are actively dangerous.

Kathryn Fallon
Kathryn Fallon3 years ago

Great advice on a personal level, however as one reader pointed out maybe we need to act with more caution when someone doesn't have our best interests at heart which unfortunately does happen

Tim Cheung
Tim C.3 years ago


Lynn C.
Lynn C.3 years ago

Thank you.