If You Want to Be Loved

A woman once came to the author of this book, saying, “Bhante, I have been alone too long. Would you please pray for me? Pray for the right man to come to me. I know he is out there.”

Find out what this Buddhist monk and teacher told her, here:

Bhante Wimala says:
“The woman described the type of man she was waiting for: a kind, caring person who would love her unconditionally and accept her for who she was. She said that he should be an unselfish, honest, and generous person. After listening to her for a while, I said to her that the best I could do was to pray, not for the appearance of that man, but for the discovery, and maybe cultivation, within herself of all those qualities she wanted in a man. I told her that once she experienced those qualities within herself, there would be plenty of good men who would be attracted to her.

I encouraged her to spend time looking within and working on herself, instead of waiting with anxiety and frustration for the ideal man. I said, ‘Maybe the wonderful man you are looking for is waiting for a wonderful woman. Are you ready now to fit into that spot? If not, are you prepared to do what is necessary so that you become the one qualified to fill the spot?’

I often meet people who are selfish, uncaring, unhappy, and aggressive. I see men who have a very poor image of women and women who are angry with men. They are looking for a relationship with someone who is unselfish, caring, happy, and gentle. They go on blaming others for their not being loved. If you believe that men are terrible, how are you going to attract a good man? If you believe women are detestable, how are you going to attract the right woman?

We have a saying in Sri Lanka that a flower that is full of nectar does not have to beg the honeybees to pollinate it. The bees will know how to find the flower so long as it has nectar. Once they find the flower, they will also be very careful not to destroy it.

If you want to attract human ‘honeybees,’ you need to be a flower–not just a beautiful flower but one that also has nectar, a sweet essence. For the bees, the outside of a flower does not matter much, because they know the sweetness is in the essence. For human beings, spirituality and love constitute the nectar of life, the sweet essence within.”

Adapted from Lessons of the Lotus, by Bhante Y. Wimala (Bantam, 1997).

13 comments

Michele Wilkinson

Thank you

Chrissie H
Chrissie H.3 years ago

Get on with your life and if you want and are meant to meet someone special along the way then you will.

Thomas P.
Thomas P.3 years ago

Thanks. What a great article and something everyone can learn from.

Summerannie Moon
Summerannie M.3 years ago

''If you want to attract human ‘honeybees,’ you need to be a flower–not just a beautiful flower but one that also has nectar, a sweet essence. For the bees, the outside of a flower does not matter much, because they know the sweetness is in the essence. For human beings, spirituality and love constitute the nectar of life, the sweet essence within.”

That's it. That's the clue and also what Marianne said too.

J.L. A.
JL A.4 years ago

great reminders

autla l.
autla l.5 years ago

thanks

Kerry S.
Kerry S.6 years ago

this is quite an uplifting post! thanks :)

Elizabeth V.
Elizabeth V.6 years ago

This is a great article! And i firmly believe the message that it is trying to send.

Sabrinna Valisce
Sabrinna V.6 years ago

Oh, wonderful. This should be something we all hear often :-)

Bawar MM
Bawar MM6 years ago

I am really bored from being that flower!!