If You Want to Be Loved

A woman once came to the author of this book, saying, “Bhante, I have been alone too long. Would you please pray for me? Pray for the right man to come to me. I know he is out there.”

Find out what this Buddhist monk and teacher told her, here:

Bhante Wimala says:
“The woman described the type of man she was waiting for: a kind, caring person who would love her unconditionally and accept her for who she was. She said that he should be an unselfish, honest, and generous person. After listening to her for a while, I said to her that the best I could do was to pray, not for the appearance of that man, but for the discovery, and maybe cultivation, within herself of all those qualities she wanted in a man. I told her that once she experienced those qualities within herself, there would be plenty of good men who would be attracted to her.

I encouraged her to spend time looking within and working on herself, instead of waiting with anxiety and frustration for the ideal man. I said, ‘Maybe the wonderful man you are looking for is waiting for a wonderful woman. Are you ready now to fit into that spot? If not, are you prepared to do what is necessary so that you become the one qualified to fill the spot?’

I often meet people who are selfish, uncaring, unhappy, and aggressive. I see men who have a very poor image of women and women who are angry with men. They are looking for a relationship with someone who is unselfish, caring, happy, and gentle. They go on blaming others for their not being loved. If you believe that men are terrible, how are you going to attract a good man? If you believe women are detestable, how are you going to attract the right woman?

We have a saying in Sri Lanka that a flower that is full of nectar does not have to beg the honeybees to pollinate it. The bees will know how to find the flower so long as it has nectar. Once they find the flower, they will also be very careful not to destroy it.

If you want to attract human ‘honeybees,’ you need to be a flower–not just a beautiful flower but one that also has nectar, a sweet essence. For the bees, the outside of a flower does not matter much, because they know the sweetness is in the essence. For human beings, spirituality and love constitute the nectar of life, the sweet essence within.”

Read more: Spirit, Guidance, Self-Help, be loved, essence, relationship

Adapted from Lessons of the Lotus, by Bhante Y. Wimala (Bantam, 1997).

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

J.L. A.

7:51AM PDT on Mar 26, 2012

great reminders

send a green star

autla l.

10:10PM PDT on Sep 9, 2010

thanks

Kerry S.

12:27PM PDT on Aug 25, 2010

this is quite an uplifting post! thanks :)

Elizabeth V.

12:26PM PDT on Jul 8, 2010

This is a great article! And i firmly believe the message that it is trying to send.

Sabrinna V.

12:57AM PDT on Jun 13, 2010

Oh, wonderful. This should be something we all hear often :-)

Bawar M.

4:21PM PST on Dec 28, 2009

I am really bored from being that flower!!

Past Member .

2:52AM PDT on Apr 8, 2009

so very beautiful

Marianne P.

11:00PM PST on Jan 12, 2009

Hi, I remember a long time ago when I was single (I have been married for 25 years now) when I just could not meet a nice boy, they were all terrible and they had lots of things about them that I did not like. Until By accident I heard someone say...that you have to like someone's dislikes as much as their likes. That I realised that he! I wasn't perfect and there were probably issues that these boys didn't like about me either. And that changed my outllook on relationships . I realised that everyone is human with faults and that is the fun of it all, as we are all different. So I let down my guard and started to enjoy their company and got my heart broken a couple of times, but I learnt from every experience. I met my husband at 27 years of age, And it is because I like his dislikes as much as his likes that we are still together...even though we were unable to have children. So yes you have to grow as you get older and grow with the person that you are sharing your life with as every day is a new challenge.

Fran H.

11:24PM PDT on May 19, 2007

How true this is and how often we forget.