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Is Attachment Really Love?

Is Attachment Really Love?

The path to love doesnít end with surrender, although in a way there is nothing more to do. The process of letting go is all that spirit needs in order to enter your life. The rest is a ripening of the union between self and Self.

There is, however, still the enormous issue of how two people can surrender to each other completely. No matter how much love you begin to feel within, you must still reflect it to your beloved. Two spiritual people living together donít automatically make a spiritual relationship. Therefore we want to ask in practical terms how love increases between two souls. The ego is not easily defeated in its preoccupation with everything but love.

Surrender is not achieved until you surrender completely to your beloved. To accomplish this you must relinquish everything that deprives you of love and nurture everything that comes from love.

One way that people deprive themselves of love is especially confusing because it seems to be a way to increase it: This is attachment. In its mildest form attachment is the desire to be with someone special. Even in preadult forms attachment has two sides–it both includes and excludes. Adult relationships carry attachment to a deeper level, but the exclusivity remains.

Love and attachment are not the same thing. Love allows your beloved the freedom to be unlike you. Attachment asks for conformity to your needs and desires. Love imposes no demands. Attachment expresses an overwhelming demand: ďMake me feel whole.Ē Love expands beyond the limits of two people. Attachment tries to exclude everything but two people.

Yet attachment has a deeper spiritual meaning. It represents an attempt to reach unity by merging with another soul.

Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).

Read more: Spirit, Deepak Chopra's Tips, , , ,

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Deepak Chopra

Acknowledged as one of the world's greatest leaders in the field of mind body medicine, Deepak Chopra, M.D. continues to transform our understanding of the meaning of health. Chopra is known as a prolific author of over 49 books with 12 best sellers on mind-body health, quantum mechanics, spirituality, and peace. A global force in the field of human empowerment, Dr. Chopra's books have been published in more than 35 languages with more than 20 million copies in print.

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114 comments

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8:16PM PST on Jan 9, 2013

Love this article! so true. Love lets the other person be who they are and not try to change or control them to the way you want them to be.

10:03AM PST on Jan 2, 2013

Love is like art, everyone has their own definition of it.

8:52PM PST on Dec 30, 2012

Becky Y. has said it perfectly for me.

3:47AM PST on Dec 30, 2012

Nope.

2:54AM PST on Dec 30, 2012

In order to be able to love someone other than ourselves we must be independent and self reliable and self appreciative. Becoming too attached or dependent on a person creates a sick relationship. Each person is first and foremost a person in his own right.

7:32PM PST on Dec 29, 2012

Now that I am older and have thought about love and attachment, I object to the fact that the only kind of love addressed here is between two people. It feels like Deepak is saying that the only fulfillment is the love in a committed relationship. I have learned this is not so. For me, attachment to a person is definitely not really love. I have learned that loving is the most important thing in life. To be a loving person, one must understand that love comes in so many different sizes and shapes and colors. One cannot be prejudiced, or judgmental when it comes to loving, but embrace love in all it's forms. We cannot put restrictions on who we are allowed to love for if we do then we do not understand love at all. Love is selfless, love is kind and love is beautiful. Play it forward.

4:52PM PST on Dec 29, 2012

attachment doesn't equal love, no..

12:58PM PST on Dec 29, 2012

WELL FOR STARTERS,, WHEN TWO PEOPLE LOVE EACH OTHER THEY ARE SAID --- ''TO BE ATTACHED AT THE HIP'' --- THEY 'ARE' ONE... LOVE '' IS '' INDEED ABOUT ATTACHMENT... LOVE IS NOT ABOUT ''SURRENDERING'' ANYTHING, IT'S ABOUT THE UNION OF TWO PEOPLE... THE ONLY THING YOU ARE 'SURRENDERING' IS BEING SINGLE... AGAIN, MORE NONSENSE FROM MR. CHOPRA....

10:40AM PST on Dec 29, 2012

Thanks for the re-post from 2008. We do need reminders.

9:36AM PST on Dec 29, 2012

thank you

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