thanks....
Kabin
Konteyner

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i think being angry is healthy but i very much agree with the idea of journaling to vent, that way we have time to think about what is happening and no one gets hurt. if, after journaling i still feel offended or angry about something, that's when i approach the person or situation face to face to work it out. i think a lot of times we get angry but we don't really understand what's happening or don't understand the other side of the story. there's always at least two sides of the story!

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Anger is meant to be expressed. Anger is a highly charged emotional state that carries the message, "what is happening is unacceptable and needs to be stopped." It's meant to provide us with the energy to take action and stop what must not be accepted. As long as our actions are intended to stop a process that shouldn't be occurring and don't start another negative process into action (like causing someone else undue distress), we're doing what God and nature have equipped us to do.

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Can you imagine a society where everyone walked around never getting angry?

Also, "Not taking it personally" may help in the short term and at the same time, not speaking up, judiciously, makes the observer a part of it by doing nothing.

What appears to be a small thing, probably is small, alone in itself . But I believe that's rarely the case. The attitude of the individual walks with them everywhere they go and repeats in many different settings. So when I see a person run a red light on a right turn, I'm wondering where else this attitude is showing up with that person.

Not getting angry sounds like a recipe for disaster. A volcano of violence. Without acknowledgment by others, of a person's anger, it will escalate. So is anger really coming from lack of acknowledgement of that individual's issue?

Which brings up that this society is so bent on avoiding anger, by sugar coating everything and being a fake polite that there's no acknowledgement when something needs to be discussed or brainstormed. That needs to change.

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Not at all as long it is not in front of the children because they read into it the wrong way.

When I was growing-up many many years ago I never ever heard my mother lose her temper NEVER.
I think she did in the privacy of their room but we never heard anything because it can be very scarey for the children and that is a fact.

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i hate the way last sentences get chopped off! my previous post's last sentence concluded with this:

"it all set me free from the anger that once controlled me."

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the thing with anger is it is cumulative. if it is allowed to build and not dissipated as it arises, eventually an event produces a reaction far out of proportion to what happened. IMHO self analysis is very hard to do in any rational manner when under duress. some folks can, some can't and i'm one of them. i was short fused and went into combat mode as part of my anger. it took some soul searching and a long, painful exercise in honestly evaluating myself to help & to heal. i learned that my anger was because i took too many things that pissed me off much too personally. it was like when someone tells you a lie and you know it's a lie. is the person telling the lie doing so because he/she thinks you are stupid enough to believe it or is he/she the deficient one being stupid enough to pass the lie as truth? i was taking too many of the events that angered me in the former sense rather than the latter. i developed a "don't take it personally" attitude which did more to calm me and reduce the number of angry incidents than anything & everything else i did. i adopted a philosophy about anger: every time i get angry, it trims at least 2 minutes from the end of my life. "knowing" that helps keep things in perspective and i find very little to get angry about that's worth the trade off. lastly, i became pretty good at speaking up quickly when somebody was ticking me off AND learned to criticize the action that was angering me without criticizing the individual. it all set m

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I think the question of whether or not it is healthy to "express anger" -- which I've seen asked in many other places, and for that matter, gone through a lot with my now ex-wife -- is a false one.

"Expressing anger" is a vague term that can cover anything from calmly telling another person that they have done something that upset you, and asking them how you can work together to find a way to address the situation, to verbal abuse or even physical violence. Obviously, this whole spectrum can't be classed as "healthy" or "unhealthy" en masse.

There are healthy ways to express anger and there are unhealthy ways. Behaving abusively toward other people is never healthy, but the trick is that it's not always easy to define what's abusive. Often the person doing the "expressing" feels that if they're not deliberately trying to hurt the other person, then it can't be abuse and it doesn't matter what the actual effect on the other person is. But if the other person experiences it as abusive, and ends up living in fear and planning their life around trying not to make the "expressive" partner angry, then that begins to look a lot like an abusive relationship to me...

There aren't any easy answers to this, but I would be inclined to say that a healthy way of expressing anger is one that leaves *both* people feeling better about the situation afterwards.

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expressing anger is not always the weakside of ones character.we always find lots of people;trying to herm,insult,people around them for their own profit.they are everywhere around us in our society,town or village,whatever.people who never gather enough courage to show their anger against those bad peoples,always suffer and never get what they deserve.we should always show our anger and stand up against those, because not showing it often taken as foolishness or coweredness.which make those bad people feel proud and encourage them to do more and more nasty things

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Storm W: "Sometimes, the most productive thing to do is scream and stomp and raise holy heck -- but it is important to make sure that doing so will actually move things in the right direction... otherwise, the frustration and anger may end up being compounded instead of being relieved."

This is good to point out, as too often, I have seen anger used to manipulate, intimidate, silence, etc., other people, more often than not, making the situation worse than before the confrontation took place. I especially dislike people who resort to "primal scream therapy", because in their venting, they create more victims in their attempts to release the pressure in their heads, and it becomes little more than self-absorbed expression. As for being angry about social injustices and such, I am grateful that the means to express my anger about it is available through signing petitions, contacting elected officials and such. Directing requests to appropriate people brings more results than simply yelling at your loved ones and kicking the dog, and far less abusive too.

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