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Is It Your Fault You’re Infertile?

Is It Your Fault You’re Infertile?

Women have been talking about fertility and making babies since there have been women on this earth. We do it privately, and in groups. And, when infertility blocks our path to motherhood, we create a lot of stories about why this happens. Letís face it, infertility sucks and itís a medical problem. Yes, stress doesnít help, but itís not caused by stress or bad karma. You are not being punished†for something you did in your past.†This isnít because you had sex with your best friendís boyfriend in college or because you cheated on a math test. Infertility is not in your life because you donít deserve to be a parent.

Infertility is not a spiritual problem. No one is punishing you.

There is always a medical reason why a pregnancy doesnít occur. Here is straightforward fact sheet on female infertility. Itís a great overview of what can medically go wrong on the female side of baby-making.

Causes of Female Infertility:

  • Defects of the uterus and cervix (fibroids, polyps, birth defects)
  • Hormone imbalance or deficiencies, often related to age
  • Ovarian cysts and polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)
  • Pelvic infection or pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
  • Scarring from sexually transmitted disease or endometriosis
  • Tumor
  • Long-term (chronic) disease, such as diabetes
  • Autoimmune disorders
  • Clotting disorders
  • Obesity
  • Excessive exercising, eating disorders or poor nutrition
  • Exposure to certain medications or toxins
  • Heavy use of alcohol
  • Advanced maternal age

There can also be egg-related problems, such as egg production in the ovaries, movement of the eggs from the ovary to the uterus, attachment of the eggs to the uterine lining and survival of the egg or embryo once it has attached to the lining. No bad karma here, just human issues that happen to good people who are trying to have a baby. On the male side, there can be sperm-related problems†such as poor sperm quality, or the lack of sperm.

Every single one of the issues listed above has solutions and different types of fertility treatment.

And while it is true that not every woman who has female infertility will end her treatment with a baby — a great many will.

The best path to parenthood when confronting female infertility is with a board certified reproductive endocrinologist. Sometimes, it is just about taking the next step and calling for an appointment. Sometimes, itís about changing treatment plans. Sometimes, it is just about finding patience and giving things a chance to work.

Itís never about bad karma. Promise.

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Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen is an Integrative Life Coach Specializing In Women's Issues: Sexuality, Fertility, Body Image, Wellness and Rejuvenation. Pamela is also author of the best selling memoir Shameless†(Rodale, Jan 2011), and founder of The American Fertility Association.Her websites and her daily blog,, are a breakfast essential for reporters, writers and policymakers.


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10:18PM PST on Jan 31, 2014

Thank you.

8:46PM PDT on Jun 14, 2013

your man can also be the problem time for the world to wake up and realize it takes 2

12:21AM PDT on Jun 11, 2013


4:07AM PDT on Jun 8, 2013


2:31PM PDT on Jun 7, 2013

noted, thanks

1:39PM PDT on Jun 7, 2013

Feriltity is hardly a given, for either sex. Drug use can affect both a man's sperm count and the quaility of the sperm. A guy who's exposed to Agent Orange runs the risk of fathering children with all sorts of birth defects (ditto for guys who do alot of coke.).

NPR ran an interview with a fertility specialist, who talked about 40+ women protesting that they can't be infertile; they do Pilates and yoga. They could not believe that none of that prolonged their fertility. It was sad, really.

12:27PM PDT on Jun 7, 2013

good things to remember

12:00PM PDT on Jun 7, 2013

Thank you.

11:30AM PDT on Jun 7, 2013


11:18AM PDT on Jun 7, 2013

As usual, this is all directed at women. Have the guy checked out first! The tests for male fertility are generally cheaper and less painful, so start here:

If he doesn't want to actively participate in finding out if he is biologically capable of being a father, then maybe he's not psychologically ready to be a father. Try to find out before you get married.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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