http://www.care2.com/greenliving/is-marriage-a-remedy-for-insecurity.html
Is Marriage a Remedy for Insecurity?
Meet somebody, fall in love, get married. That’s how it goes, right? Hmm. Then what? We hear of divorce rates, couple therapy and affairs, but we also hear of the picture-perfect 50 year happy marriages. What is this need to get married, and why do we think it will fulfill us?
If I was going to be cynical, I could say that the institution of marriage needs to be protected with contracts and promises, because it is a man-made constraint that comes from fear, and thus, is fragile. We feel the need to make the other commit so we can control them, so we can be sure they will stay by our side and make us feel safe. Often, it is a need to receive the public approval associated with marriage, or to fulfill a childhood fairy-tale fantasy that we have had pushed down our throats. But I don’t wish to make it all appear so bleak. In a marriage between two people who love each other unconditionally, there is no need to tie the other person down or try to control them in any way; unconditional love gives the other the freedom of expression that we all wish for — the freedom to be ourselves. What greater love is there than that? If you really love someone, how could you want them to be anyone else? This type of marriage flourishes and blossoms into two individuals supporting each other in achieving their own potential.
Our need to make the love of another eternal comes from our own desperate need to be loved. This need will continue unsatiated until we come to love ourselves. The impulse to control others comes from our lack of self-love. We have learned to reject ourselves so much that we have become slaves of outside approval; our sense of worth depends almost entirely on the opinion of those around us. This is so for even seemingly successful, powerful people; if their confidence lies in their success or public standing, where will it go if those things are taken away? This is why loss can often be such a great teacher, for in loss, we are faced with our own feelings of emptiness. No longer filled with our distractions or addictions of choice, the hole inside is left open and visible, impossible to ignore any longer. We then have two choices: We can try to hide it again — by rebuilding that which we have lost or replacing it with some other form of distraction — or we can finally decide to take responsibility for our own inadequacy, and begin to do the necessary work to find completion within.
Marriage isn’t a remedy for insecurity. The only true remedy for insecurity is self-love — going beyond the fears and doubts of the mind and developing an awareness of the underlying security that is our very being, what I call love-consciousness. True love, unconditional love, breaks all boundaries, boxes and ideas. It is the unlimited nature of being; it is life itself.
related stories
-
(4 comments)
-
(21 comments)
-
(12 comments)
Robyn
Melissa
Deepak
Eric
Dave
Dr. Brent
Isha
Susan
Delia
Michelle
Wendy
Megan
Hilary
Ann
Judi
Ronnie
Kelly
Lily
Terri
Betsy
Cait
Andrew
Jana
Annie B.
Veronica
26 comments
add your comment »My marriage now in E.R.(Emergency room) Heart is so down.. Believed had loves then must be have hurts. Just wishing every human kind lives happily. Loves ya
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
I'm not married yet, but someday if I'm going to get married then I will always remember this article. Thanks, Isha..
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
Marriage is not the only solution. But without marriage is there any real solution? We all are in illusion. To me it seems that the natural thing is to make a real understanding and love bounded by a social norm (marriage) is the best solution. Slavery is the sad misuse which should be covered by the social norm (law) we can not ignore it. Otherwise there will be a natural imbalance. There is much more slavery going on all over the world apart from the marital matters so it is not due to the marriage it is the mentality. If you can not change it then slavery will not go rather it will be on you in a more complicated way . Thanking youall
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
Not being married to the one I love is something I have to explain to people who ask at least twice a week, it gets aggravating but I'm not going to get married just so it makes sense to everyone else.
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
How could marriage be a remedy for anything?! As John Stuart Mill remarked, marriage is the only form of slavery still accepted by the law and I fully agree with him. It's slavery for women in many countries. (I'm not married myself and I probably never will.)
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
are you a supporter of the self-actualization theory by Maslow? this article reminds me of his work.
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
24 yrs ago when I was married, I had life lessons I had no idea I'd learn. I couldn't read hearts, I projected my heart onto my husband's. I think.
My parents were quite straight. My "core" values are not far from theirs in that respect. They married in '52 I married '83,
Their marathon marriage was something rare. Putting all of your eggs in one basket always is. A marriage can be a place to hide or hold another hostage. In the long run, life is complicated. I wonder how much control we really have over it.
Marriage is a communication agreement where 2 people come from different backgrounds where words and agreements come from slightly different definitions of every single word. An agreement is such only if each party knows the conditions for satisfaction & a time for satisfaction to occur.
Do that long term and you are a miracle worker.
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
I totally agree, marriage is NOT the answer to our insecurities nor anything else we may be LACKING in, emotionally speaking. Marriage is a way to GROW and learn about ourselves and the world around us, to EXPAND ourselves but NOT a way to 'fill the void' in ourselves, for whatever reasons. See more on: http://www.mysearchingforlove.com/3-types-of-searching-for-love.html
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
I think your range of jewellery is at the cutting edge of fashion. There is something to suit all tastes when you take a look at either wedding ring selection, classic, contemporary or elegant. Thank you so much for posting design of such a beautiful ring.
gift ideas
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
In the beginning couples can't wait to see each other or hear from each other, to a point that if these are not fulfilled, they miss each other tremendously....
After they become a committed item, the eagernes, excitement and romance begin to fade, most often from the part of the guys or girls?
Even if the relationship is still strong, and the couples get along real well, somehow the 'sparks' are not the same any more... Why is this so?
The chase always seem more thrilling, but once the pursuit is caught, a relaxed atmosphere is adopted ..
Girls have a tendency to wish for the initial excitement to prevail, while the guys seem oblivious to this.
send green star
why is this inappropriate?
Facebook account: