Is there more to love than sex and romance?

For most of us, the search for the ideal partner has become an obsession: the principle goal in our quest for love. Yet our relationships often peter out after the brief fireworks of romance. Then the false hopes of the mind are exposed for what they truly are – an illusion of yearning, aspirations and dreams we use to hide the disappointment of reality – plain old hormones at work. Once the sexual attraction has lived its natural course, the ashes soon scatter in the breeze of disinterest.

There are times when we feel like a tiny boat on a thrashing sea of hormones, but what of the voice of the heart, yearning for a love that is true, a love that is unconditional? Usually we don’t pay much attention to its call, even if we do speak of broken hearts. The only thing that actually breaks is the celluloid fantasy of what we were expecting the relationship to give us. We want to direct the relationship and dictate the script, yet it turns out our partners often have very different ideas about the role they wish to play.

We spend our lives seeking love through sex, yet we will never find true love until we discover it within ourselves. Another person will never be enough to make you feel truly satisfied: that kind of completion can only be found through love of self.

Of course, the union between two people who love unconditionally is the highest form of sexual expression. Yet this kind of relationship incorporates many different aspects, and cannot be solely based in sexual attraction.

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Read more: Inspiration, Isha Judd, Self-Help, Spirit

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Teresa W.

6:07AM PST on Feb 5, 2012

I don't think so.

send a green star

6:06AM PST on Feb 5, 2012

Kerry S.

4:49PM PDT on Sep 13, 2011

thank you

Jane B.

10:30PM PDT on Sep 9, 2011

Carina, believing we need another person to complete us is NOT the problem. We are all primally programmed to find a mate. This desire is born into all of us. The PROBLEM is MOST of us never find the "ONE". There are only 1 million soul mates in America, out of 300 million people. Every time we turn around "society" is telling us we can find our soulmate. Obviously the chances are very slim and we are getting false promises. This is why everybody is so unfulfilled. "Loving ourselves" is all well and good but even after you achieve that there is a deep down emptiness and a longing for our other half. Sure, friends are great but friends can't take the place of a soul mate. All of us know soul mates exist and we just sigh ........ ;) kc Kick, you are correct, we are being fed a crock of shit. After we are happy with ourselves we will naturally find love. NO WE WON'T. Finding love doesn't have
anything to do with loving yourself, it happens by accident and
it's very rare.

Carina E.

9:51AM PDT on Sep 9, 2011

I think the problem is that we believe that we need another person to fulfil our needs. That the other person is a complement to ourselves. I think that first we need to learn to love ourselves, go beyond depending on others. Sex without love is not wrong if both agree upon it. Love without sex is ok if both agree upon it. This issue is a never ending story and there's no right and wrong as long both - or how many there are involved - agree upon it.

Winifred W.

4:37AM PDT on Sep 9, 2011

thanks for the post, good chance to think many things,

I think,,,love,romanse,sex are the shape of triangle. dont need to give up any. balance is the perpect thing that we need to keep!

i dont want to be sex doll or just mother likes, and dont wanna be a grief poet in a love song.

cant explain firmly, bt i 'hope n desire' to meet someone,, that the relationship between two never replaced to others(destined)

in past days, i thought if i met a good person that is the gate of happiness...but this time i changed my point of view. something is missed. its like, good relationship is not the only ends meet.

we could get many good friends through our life time(even its not easy pisy at all),,but im sure true love is enough for once in a life time, not couple times...i know it sounds so silly n plain but important issue i guess

kc K.

6:44PM PDT on Sep 8, 2011

what a crock of shit.. she's suggesting that after we become happy with ourselves we will naturally find love. love is work between two people. you can absolutely be attracted to the one you love and its not all hormones.

10:59PM PDT on Sep 6, 2011

Dianne, you are suggesting that sex and love are separate and
the hot stuff is sex and the boring life after that is love. No, it
isn't. Hot sex ALWAYS starts the whole thing and that triggers
the "love" feelings. Love doesn't last with most people because
only 1 million people find the "right" person and are soul mates.
The other 299 million people drift apart and divorce because the strong sexual bond is not strong enough in the first place.
For those 1 million soulmates, these people stay together forever and go through hell and high water for each other.
This strong bond STARTS with SEX and SEX turns into LOVE.
Love is 'feelings" and those feelings are like a joining of spirits,
it's a spiritual thing. All these articles try to separate sex and love and they are NOT separate, they are INTERTWINED.

Dianne R.

10:39PM PDT on Sep 6, 2011

The title"Is there more to love than sex and romance?" EXPLAINS the problem.What in the world do you think couples over 45 are DOING? (GOOD ) sex and romance come AFTER LOVE GROWS. ALL that wild ,crazy stuff kids think is love is HORMONES.I call it HOT HEAT. Quite honestly, an unspayed cat is the perfect example of HOT HEAT,She can hardly WAIT to get LAID---AND SEX's ALL she gets. Indiscriminate sex.GAY GUYS EXCEL AT romance. I'm not being snarky I'm saying If you are looking for a straight love DONT grade on the wrong curve. This may seem dull but First you need to know YOU.You wouldn't shop for a house without thinking about WHAT YOU NEEDED! ALSO consider WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER. If MONEY comes to mind, YOU LOSE! You will NEVER have enough if you attract a guy who is looking for a girl with money.These days EVERYBODY needs to be educated and prepared to work BUT DON"T TRY TO BUY a GUY. He will cost you your sanity.Look for FRIENDS, KEEP YOUR PANTS ON,look more closely at guys you have fun with.Take them to family outings. Do they like your friends and family? DO YOU like theirs? PETS? IF you sense a WARNING SIGNAL STOP. EXAMINE IT HONESTLY. NEVER CONSIDER A FIXER-UPPER! They're WORSE than a MONEY PIT .YOU WILL end up HATING EACH OTHER and for good reason.How would you like a guy who SAID he LOVED YOU and then you got the list of things to CHANGE? When you find YOUR PERFECT PERSON ,HE will be perfect FOR YOU and YOU will be HIS missing puzzle piece.THEN , I wish you LOVE.

Alicia N.

4:40PM PDT on Sep 6, 2011

noted, thanks