While nobody is the perfect mate or partner, there are warning flags in any relationship that can hint at real issues that need attention, just as there are indicators that all is well at the root of the partnership, and that it is functioning in a healthy way.
This three-part quiz can help you to determine if things are basically positive and in balance between you and your mate or life-partner, or if there may be some trouble in paradise. Take the quiz here:
Make note of the answers in each section that are TRUE for you.
1. I feel at ease and comfortable with my partner.
2. I can trust my partner to keep promises and commitments.
3. We care about each other, and my partner shows me that s/he cares.
4. I feel that my partner is generally truthful with me.
5. I feel that my partner is on my team, helpful and supportive of my aims.
6. We are respectful of each other.
7. My partner tries to empathize with me.
8. I like who I am when I am with my partner. S/he brings out my best qualities.
9. My partner encourages me to become all that I can be.
1. I often feel judged or blamed by my partner.
2. My partner often promises to do things and then “forgets” or doesn’t follow through.
3. When we disagree, my partner often belittles me or calls me names.
4. My partner seems to want complete control–of our finances, our activities together, our life choices.
5. I find myself feeling tense or stressed around my partner.
6. I often behave in ways I don’t like when I am with my partner.
7. I don’t feel that my needs are at all important to my partner; s/he just seems to care about him/herself.
8. I sometimes feel that my partner and I are more like enemies than allies.
9. My partner seems to feel threatened by my desire to grow and change.
1. My partner uses heavy drugs and/or is habitually drunk.
2. My partner has missed work or school because of alcohol or drugs.
2. My partner has been painfully rough or downright violent to me or to other living things.
3. When I have asked my partner to stop doing something that makes me physically uncomfortable, s/he has ignored me and continued doing it.
4. I feel afraid around my partner.
Add up the TRUE statements for sections A and B and look at the overall balance. A majority of TRUE statements in Part A indicates that you have some great partnership material going on between the two of you. More TRUE statements in Part B show that you may have some issues that need attention. Try talking things out, or enlist the guidance of a couples counselor. Any TRUE statements at all in Part C indicate that you may be in a potentially harmful or dangerous relationship: please seek help.
By Cait Johnson, author of Earth, Water, Fire, and Air (SkyLight Paths, 2003).