I donít have to tell you that sex is everywhere: in films, on television and in any other venue advertisers can lay their hands on. The blaring message: sex is not only important but absolutely necessary and if you arenít having it, thereís something wrong with you (which isnít true, so donít worry). But from a relationship happiness perspective, how important is sex, really? How critical is sex to long-term relationships or marriage? Letís look to a recent national survey for a glimpse into whatís really going on in the bedrooms and minds of women, gathered from the community website iVillage. I will attempt to interpret the results and provide some tips for whatever percentile you find yourself in.
Seventy-five percent of women think that a good sex life is very important. (Men, thatís 3 out of 4 women youíll meet on any given day. This is obviously nice news for our gender.) But what is ďa good sex lifeĒ?
Hereís where the rubber meets the roadÖOne womanís fantasy of hot car sex is another womanís nose turned up, and men, your fantasies may or may not turn on or satisfy your partner. Thatís the reality–and sexual compatibility isnít a guarantee no matter how attracted you are as he/she walks across the room. So, before you fight over whoís on top or bottom tonight, letís bridge the war of the sexes in the bedroom by the best form of foreplay for most women: talking.
My friend Janet Smith used to say that our largest sexual organ was between our ears. Ask these questions of your partner when the lights are low and the mood is set or if that bothers you, then over a cup of coffee is fine too:
1. What turns you on? How do you like to be touched and where?
2. What is your favorite day or time of day for sex?
3. What is your favorite form of foreplay (Men, donít be surprised to hearÖ ďDoing the dishes!Ē)
4. What are your favorite fantasies? Would you like to include talking about them while you are making love?