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Keeping It Real & Sexy: 10 Relationship Tips

Keeping It Real & Sexy: 10 Relationship Tips

Are you in a relationship? Thinking about being in one? I have a few absurdly simple tips to share. They come from listening to countless people talk about their relationships in my sexuality coaching practice, and of course from my own experiences! These tips have the ability to make toes curl and hearts swell. Don’t we all want that?

So, I put together my favorite “keep it simple and keep it hot” relationship tip list. These are the tips that keep my own attention and happy meter going in a relationship. Maybe it will spark some ideas for you or remind you that it might be time to practice a little relationship love. Please don’t be shy! Send this list to your beloved to practice them with you!

1. Do you tell your beloved that you are happy? That they are getting it right? I know that most of us (all genders) are pretty good at nagging and telling our beloveds when we are unhappy and triggered. But do we take the time to say “Hey, I’m so happy with you and us! You are simply nailing it right now! Thank you.”? Probably not enough.

2. Use social media to send a little drive-by kiss when your beloved doesn’t expect it. A sexy text during the work day. A phone call in the middle of the night when you are traveling or away, just to say “Hello hot thing. I couldn’t sleep thinking about you.” A Twitter or Facebook posting that only they would understand, or play bigger and more public and throw a great big public display of affection online! Whether it is publicly, privately, in secret code, or wild and for everyone to understand, it will send a blush to their cheeks and make their hearts skip a beat! Use the technology to send a little hot and sexy. Your two minute effort may last the whole day in a big pay off of happiness for your beloved and change the entire climate in your relationship. Tweet, Tweet!

3. When was the last time you told you beloved that you were really blessed that they are willing to stay in your life through all the craziness? Send some appreciation and acknowledgement that they are important to your life and well being. Tell them that your happiness is enhanced by having them in your life. Tell your darling, no matter how long or short your relationship time line has been, that their “staying in” is important to you. We all want to know that we are wanted, needed, and loved; that our simple presence adds magic to our beloved’s life, even in times when things are not perfect.

4. Sing to them! Send a YouTube link to a song…and tell them that it is being sung just for them. I promise you that they will play it again and again.

5. Gifts do count. Gifts say so many things! Like “Surprise! I was thinking of you! And I love you!” Gifts don’t have to be big or expensive. Let it be something that speaks to your relationship. Bring one daisy. Put a card in the mail even if you live together (people hardly send cards anymore!), and watch the reaction when your sweetie gets that instead of a bill! Bring a trinket with a bow. Send a book! We all love to be thought about and honored. Gifts do that.

6. “See” your partner. Tell them that they are sexy and beautiful to you. Compliment the dimples or the curve of their waist. Kiss the top of a bald head or stroke that full head of hair. Let your partner know that they do indeed turn you on. None of us can hear that enough.

7. Give extra. I don’t know what it is in your life. Is it time? A foot rub? That special thing that your partner loves….do it some more!

8. Feel your partner’s emotions. For example, when things are not going so well, try using your empathy and playfulness. Don’t say things like “I am sorry that my forgetting to take out the trash contributes to your feelings that you never feel taken care of.” That is not empathy. That is blame shifting. Try something like, “Damn, is that unhappy face there because I forgot the trash again? My bad! Will you forgive me if I do the dishes and kiss your face all over? I know that you had a long day!”

9. Don’t over process. When was the last time you just laid in each others arms and let your bodies talk to each other? Do that some more.

10. Repeat this list often!

These are very simple relationship tips that most of us don’t practice nearly enough. If you take one thing from my list, this is the most important tip of all. Are you happy? Does your sweetie make you happy? Is there one thing that is fabulous right now that they are doing? Please tell them.

What To Do After Reading This Article:

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If you would like to know more about Pamela Madsen, her coaching practice, her book Shameless, or the “Back to The Body Retreat,” please click here!

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Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen is an Integrative Life Coach Specializing In Women's Issues: Sexuality, Fertility, Body Image, Wellness and Rejuvenation. Pamela is also author of the best selling memoir Shameless(Rodale, Jan 2011), and founder of The American Fertility Association.Her websites and her daily blog,, are a breakfast essential for reporters, writers and policymakers.


+ add your own
3:20AM PST on Nov 17, 2014

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3:18AM PST on Nov 17, 2014

Waooow!! Nice blog, this will be greatly helpful.

3:15AM PDT on Nov 1, 2014

Fastidious blog you’ve got here. I’ve ever been seeing you just about many blogs recently. tips for dating

2:22AM PDT on Oct 6, 2012

very nice info...thanks...

8:42PM PDT on Sep 19, 2012

lovely examples of empathy and good humor - these are essential to happy days.

5:33PM PDT on Sep 18, 2012

Good tips!

12:19PM PDT on Sep 13, 2012

thanks for sharing

3:44AM PDT on Sep 9, 2012

Thanks. good advice.

2:15PM PDT on Sep 8, 2012


9:16PM PDT on Sep 7, 2012

refreshing to read..

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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people are talking

not better sex for the oysters though

OK for some maybe but not for me.

6. is best ...! Should one eat grilled cats, dogs, rabbits, pigs, cows, etc. ...??? Contemplate…


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