I am in awe of the power and process of the psyche. Our nightly dreams are offered in code, in symbols that we can assimilate and slowly digest for our full integration. Our dreams teach and gently guide us to what we need more of, less of, or is unfinished. If we are able to hold the content of our psyche within the context of our spirit, there becomes the possibility of facing unspeakable pain, as spirit gives the space where meaning can be found.
Unconscious of any immediate need to process unresolved pain, I enter a day that I chose as my “resourcing day”. I take a day to myself, away from work tasks, away from being present to helping others, knowing that my own healing is necessary in order for me to hold any container of healing for another. I find my balance in movement, in nature, in contact with my horse, and in each breath that I choose to be conscious to. I feel a tug from the energies in me that orient to order and time, “I should be following up that email, or finishing that essay, or planning my next workshop.” I gently note this voice, and thank it for how much it contributes to my life, but negotiate with another part of me which needs to be heard; the part that relies less on clocks and calendars, and listens deeply to my own heart.
I take a mindful run around the reservoir, surrounded by snow-topped mountains, and fresh snow mixing and mingling with the burnt orange and red leaves on the ground, as Fall dances with the encroaching Winter, which offered an early snow in October just to heighten the senses and wake up my appreciation for a Fall I am not ready to let go. My body is fatigued, feeling the pain of my sedentary work the day prior, the missed exercise, the late meal. I send good tidings to this dear body, apologizing for my neglect, register this heaviness, and vow to keep the engine more in tune. My heart is longing to connect where no words will be, and I visit my horse, “Baby Hughy”, a 16 hand, black and white gelded Paint, with one blue eye, who just turned 18. He neighs as I come close, smelling the carrot in my pocket. I hug him, my arms around his big neck, “let’s play Hugh”. My heart is full; the beauty all around, the grace of this moment, how lucky I am, right here, right now, all is good. My contemplative resourcing day brings me to a long luxurious hot shower, a full hot meal, some time with my efforts at learning how to play the Djembe drum, (the use of both hands, finding the rhythm, I know must be good for my brain). I even manage to get in a great meditation and hit the pillow by 10pm, a miracle for me, as I am always pushing past midnight and vowing for earlier nights. The perfect day, my soul nourished, I will be ready to pick up the world of calendar and clock when I wake.