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Loading...Learning To Forgive
- a Care2 favorite by Deepak Chopra
- 331 comments
The reason that people cannot forgive is that their anger has worn a deep groove in the mind, and like water seeking a downward slope, their minds find this groove so easily that new channels of feeling cannot be formed.
Learning to make a new groove for your feelings is the key. Once again, the steps aren’t mystical. You can forgive anyone who has hurt you by taking the following actions:
Choose the intent to forgive, even though your feelings are still hurt. Have the intention to let new feelings come in. Encourage even the slightest hints of a new feeling. Experience the old hurt and anger, but always say, This isn’t me, This is not what I want anymore. Keep challenging the old hurt with reasons why it should be replaced. Be patients and let yourself experience both the old and the new feelings until the old one begins to fade.
You will be working with yourself, privately but not alone. Unhappiness is solitary; healing is not. Healing is bigger than personality. When someone gets a cut, we don’t say, Maybe his skin will heal, who knows? It all depends on the kind of person he is. Your skin heals independently of who you are.
Psychologically healing works exactly the same way. You don’t have to be nice, good, smart, or deserving. Yet how many of us secretly believe that we should continue to suffer because we deserve to, or because we aren’t nice enough, good enough, or smart enough to change?
The big difference between healing the skin and healing the mind is that you have to participate in the latter. But this difference is not a stumbling block once the healing gets under way. At the level of the soul there lies an entire healing mechanism every bit as effective as the body’s immune system. If you have the intention to heal, you give new energy permission to come into you and clear away obstacles.
Adapted from: Peace Is the Way, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2005).
Read more: Deepak Chopra's Tips, Spirit, feelings, forgiveness, healing
Deepak Chopra
Acknowledged as one of the world's greatest leaders in the field of mind body medicine, Deepak Chopra, M.D. continues to transform our understanding of the meaning of health. Chopra is known as a prolific author of over 49 books with 12 best sellers on mind-body health, quantum mechanics, spirituality, and peace. A global force in the field of human empowerment, Dr. Chopra's books have been published in more than 35 languages with more than 20 million copies in print.
Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may
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331 comments
+ add your ownLike it namaste
..release ur unforgiven spiritual hostages... and u too will be released...Only a truely broken person can damage another.. sad for them.. walk the walk.even over the broken glass and hot coals..towards your freedom..Take them with you in your prayers....every one needs some one to pray them into the kingdom..x
i like it! thank you so much!!! :)
Yes, it is difficult. It's been perhaps my biggest chellenge in this life, as I could never understand why anyone would purposely hurt another. Having been hurt a number of times, by family members, bosses, co-workers who say and do things (lies and/or cruel) that have hurt my career, income, & my self esteem, effects of which are livelong, I certainly know how hard it is to forgive.
The method I have found the most success with, is reminding myself that God sees all, and He will deal with them, for one thing. Also, I keep telling myself is that to stay angry and refuse to forgive keeps these hurts and insults on my mind and on my heart, and I didn't deserve it the first time, let alone to be punished for their sin again, or forever, which holding onto a hurt or a grudge actually does. I'm still trying to put those times out of my mind, by asking God to take care of those situations. I don't know if it will ever be easy, but I'm working on it.
I have found in many of the cases, those hurtful comments and/or actions have turned back on the perpetrators, with no involvment or guilt for me. Hearing they got some of what they deserve, I admit, makes it easier to forgive the next time.
I want a peaceful heart, and one important step is to throw those thngs over my shoulder as soon as possible. I only wish I could do it more quickly, but I'm working on that.
Yes, it is difficult. It's been perhaps my biggest chellenge in this life, as I Never sought to hurt another person, and could never understand why anyone would. Having been hurt a number of times, by family members, bosses, co-workers who actively, purposely say and do things (lies and/or cruel) that have hurt my career & income, not to mention injuries to my self esteem, effects of which are livelong injury, I certainly know how hard it is to forgive.
The method I have found the most success with, is reminding myself that God sees all, and He will deal with them, for one thing. The other thing I keep telling myself is that to stay angry and refuse to forgive keeps these hurts and insults on my mind and on my heart, and I didn't deservie it the first time, let alone to be punished for their sin again, or forever, which holding onto a hurt or a grudge actually does. I am still trying my best to put those times out of my mind, by asking God to take care of those situations. I don't know if it will ever be easy, but I'm working on it.
But, I have found in many of the cases, those hurtful comments and/or actions have turned back on the perpetrators, with no involvment or guilt for me. Hearing they got some of what they deserve, I admit, makes it easier to forgive the next time because they had to pay for what they did, and if I've forgiven it, I didn't.
I want a peaceful heart, and I've come to realize one important step is to throw those thngs over my shoulder a
working on this...a very hard thing to do
not always easy, but necessary
this is a good article. i encourage everyone to check out this woman "alice herz-sommer". she's the last known holocaust survivor and is all about forgiveness.
Forgive and Forget. The key part of these words are "give" and "get". There are some who have been wronged so severely, that it would be impossible for them to for-give, or "give" anymore of themselves to someone who has cost them so much. It would be wrong to expect, or demand, it from them. However, we can for-get, or "get" something for ourselves, we can replenish our lives, we can surround ourselves with those who truly love us. We can respect ourselves and demand respect from others, by living consciously outside of the hurt and pain that we experienced, and those who love and respect us will NOT continually remind us of it. People have a will of their own, and people will do wrong. Some experience a "cognitive dissonance", they just can't believe that certain people would have harmed them. Once they embrace reality, they will begin to see the situation more clearly. They will "step aside" from the pain of "how could they have done that to me", they will realize it was in the nature of the one who wronged them, and they will no longer feel that they are being punished for trusting someone, and will begin trusting again.
There are some who I can never forgive. I don't dwell on it or allow any further injury, I simply cannot find it possiblein my heart, mind or soul to forgive them, ever. The injury was that great. Enourmous. Nearly cost me my life, literally.
No one who is responsible for taking another's life should ever be forgiven.
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